- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
The issue I’m having has nothing to do with the wedding. It has everything to do with my parents and the way they handle things.
We moved in with them about a year and a half ago because my Dad is sick. He has Parkinson’s and has deteriorated very rapidly in the last 2 and a half years. Fiance and I help out with bills, and Fiance is always doing things around the house for my parents.
That said, things have always been contentious between my parents and I. My parents don’t get the concept of personal space…at all, unless it’s their own. My Dad will have the TV, the radio, and the computer going, all in different rooms in the house, and if I happen to need the computer, or want to watch something on TV, he will either throw a tantrum, or he will stand in the room, hovering over me until I give up and go do something else. Like he just did. He’s mad that I’m on the computer, because I’m actually home and not at work, so he just stood in here for half an hour, bumping into my chair, and hovering around the desk. A couple weeks ago, I closed the tray on the printer because it didn’t need to be open, and he had a screaming fit because the paper jammed when he printed something. The printer sits right next to the monitor, so there is NO WAY he didn’t see that the tray was closed.
My mom, is so passive aggressive about it, it drives me insane. She can never talk to her family overseas, because he always has to be standing in the room, hovering (he does a lot of hovering). But she won’t say anything. She’ll just get mad about it later. He will play the radio loudly when she is sleeping, and then get mad at Fiance and I for having a conversation with our bedroom door open, and make us close the door. But she’ll only tell us that she doesn’t care and she doesn’t hear us talking. She made my Fiance a cake for his birthday last year, and we had to let it cool overnight before we could eat any. My dad ate the whole thing except for two small slices, and when my mom asked him, he said that my Fiance and I ate it.
My car is in shambles, and has been that way since I got it back from him, because when his car got totaled by the neighbor and the insurance wouldn’t pay him enough to get a new car, he took mine. So I spent the first 2 or 3 years I had a license, having to fight with my dad for MY car. Now it’s a complete wreck and they won’t take it out of my mom’s name so I can trade it in or sell it and get a new one. (And it’s in my mom’s name because I was 15 when my Grandma gave it to me). They would get mad at me for needing it and having to share it with me…even though it’s MINE. My dad, for a while, would even wait until I got in the shower to get ready to go out to take it so I couldn’t say anything. He never had to tell me when he needed it, but I would have to tell him ahead of time everything I had to do. Now, he takes my mom’s new car, even though his legs barely work because of the Parkinson’s.
My dad has alos crowded out everyone else in the house with his hoarding. He isn’t as bad as the people on the TV show, but it’s enough to piss everyone off. There are boxes EVERYWHERE in the office, and if I happen to knock some over trying to push my chair back, I get torn a new one. The basement is filled with boxes and vinyl records that got destroyed in a flood before I was born. The upstairs hallway is filled with boxes, I have to move boxes to put things down the laundry chute, or get toilet paper. My parents room is being taken over by boxes, but my dad doesn’t listen when my mom says she wants them out. The dining room table is COVERED in boxes, so Fiance and I have to sit in my room and eat in there, because every time we uncover the table, my dad puts more stuff on it.
I love my parents, I really do, and they are really great people, but sometimes I feel like I’m living with toddlers. I can’t watch TV, I can’t watch movies, I can’t sit on the computer, because I’m always stepping on someone’s toes. The only room I can be in is my bedroom, but that’s FI’s only space. Soon, we have to move my Dad’s office because the nursery is going in there, and then I really won’t have any space. My Dad will have the basement, and the whole first floor, my mom will have the living room, my Fiance will have the bedroom, and the baby will have the nursery. I used to use the shower as my place to just be alone and think, but my mom just barges in, and my dad will come banging on the door if I’ve been in there for longer than 15 minutes, wanting to know how much longer I’ll be. I can’t even get ready for work without being asked how long I’m going to take because he waited 6 hours to get in the shower.
I really just needed to let that out…