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Hmm...I would sit down with him and let him know how you're feeling. When are you guys getting married? Maybe he's feeling overwhelemd with all the choices? You know him better than we do but I'd really reccomend sitting down with him and letting him know exactly how you feel and why you're feeling that way. And see what he says, since you say him acting like his involvement is a big deal is something new.
I know the feeling! What made/makes me more upset is that I ask him something and then he comes up with his "great" idea. "Oh you want live tigers at the reception? Great yeah let me work on that" Sooooo not helpful.
Thanks Treasure! I needed a voice of reason. Seriously, I have been saying to myself -- if it's this much of a pain in the a** to plan a wedding with this guy, what is marriage going to be like? Which is silly because we live together already and for the most part it has been great. He did make a comment that since we started wedding planning, he feels like we don't play as much anymore (in my view that is not correct, I purposely make sure that 50% of our free time is totally non-wedding related) so maybe there is something else going on.
LOL at june2011's comment. Really, I can see my FI saying something like that and expecting I will make it happen. I just feel like my vision is just completely ignored and I am just supposed to execute on his pretentious vision.
It sounds like he may feel frustrated and like wedding planning is taking over his life...which may result in him being extra picky and acting like he is. I know at first, my FI felt overwhelemed by all the things we needed to do and all the decisions there were to make. I think he thought weddings just planned themselves! However, as time went on and we got closer to the wedding he got more and more involved. To the point where he even WANTS to go to the florist with me, even if he has to leave early...something I never thought I'd see haha! Maybe plan a "wedding free" weekend where you don't talk about the wedding or do anything related.
After coming up with my list of 2-3 best options in many categories and having my fiance veto option after option after option, I finally made a rule that if he vetoes something, he has a week to come up with an alternate option. If he doesn't care enough to come up with something that we both like, then he doesn't care enough to veto. Suddenly, he's finding way more of my suggestions acceptable and getting substantially better at offering his own ideas.
Great suggestion @redherring! We did have a long talk over the weekend and hashed out a lot of things and are finally both feeling better about planning this.
I'd think very seriously about forgoing the reception. IMO one isn't worth doing unless both of you want it and are willing to work on it. If he isn't on board - fine, forget it.
@Arachna, we had a good conversation about this. What he said was that while he was fine with just the civil ceremony, he understood the reasons for a reception and was willing to work on it as long as he clearly understood what was expected of him. He also explained that his biggest priority right now is to find a house while prices and interest rates are low and that he saw that as very important for our long-term future and the reception a short-term project and that is why he wasn't getting as involved originally with the reception as I would have liked and nixing ideas that seemed to take up too much time away from house-hunting. So I think we are on the same page now.
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Hi Bees-
Just needed to vent. Does anyone else feel this way?
We are getting married at City Hall and then having a reception a few weeks later for approximately 100 guests. We have just started looking at venues and invitations and already I am sick of this. I feel like I do all the legwork related to everything wedding (including picking out my engagement ring) and then FI rejects everything (without offering any alternatives/suggestions etc) and like he is doing me this huge favor to look at wedding bands, venues etc. I might actually be fine doing this all myself if he wasn't so picky (he actually asked the event coordinator at one venue if they could take down the curtains) but right now, I feel like I am the event planner for a demanding client instead of feeling like we are a team on this. He says he would be fine just doing the City Hall ceremony and the reception is just for me (really?? then why do you keep rejecting everything?). I'm at the point of forgoing a reception and I really wonder what this bodes for the future. We have been together 2.5 years and while the picky part doesn't surprise me, the fact that I am doing all the work and he acts like his involvement is some magnamious gesture does. What should I do?