Post # 1
I just need to have a bit of a whinge about something i can’t do anything about!
One of FI’s best friend broke up with his GF about 6 months ago. they were together for about a year and a half and as much as i tried i really just didn’t ever click with her. Her priorities are very different from mine, her main priorities in life are having fun, going out and drinking, and i’m quite different from her. She is in her mid thirties and has three young kids and very rarely sees them as she’s too busy going out with her friends. Yes i’m prob being judgemental and it’s really none of my business what she does with her life. When she broke up with him she broke his heart and things got really messy, she started seeing several guys at once, straight away and rubbed it in his face and was generally just a nasty person. This all reinforced how i felt about her and i really started to dislike her for hurting him so badly.
FI’s friend was of course invited to the wedding and was given a +1. They went out for beers together on the weekend and FI finds out that he is seeing her again. FI was really disappointed as he really doesn’t like her either after the way she treated his friend. Apparently she hasn’t moved back in and it’s not as serious as it was but she will more than likely be coming to the wedding. Now i have to be nice to her at the wedding, knowing all the horrible things she did to him.
like i said it’s totally none of my business and there’s nothing i can do but i would really rather she wasn’t at the wedding. It’s hard when friends break up and then get back together and you just have to pretend to forget all about everything that went down. Ughh. ok end rant!
Post # 3
@Missy_Star: Ugh. But my feeling is: “If he’s forgiven her, then so should you.” i.e. be nice to her for FI’s friend’s sake. Anyway you don’t have to be *that* nice to her. Just smile and hello, and then talk to other people instead.
Post # 4
I was somewhat on the other end of this. I have an ex, and we broke up before my sister’s wedding. He was to be my date. I think we broke up maybe a year before? There was a lot of drama in between, we started seeing each other casually and he broke my heart over and over. Right before the wedding, I was with him again, and I asked if he could still be my date, and she said No. I was miserable the entire day, not really in a wedding mood, and I was just plain bitchy about it. I regret it now, but her telling me I could bring him wouldn’t have been that big of a deal, and I would have been happier, even though we shortly thereafter broke up for good, and it was for the best. I’m still bitter today (3 years later) that I didn’t get to bring him as a date.
Post # 5
Ugh. That’s so annoying, ignore her and try to not even let it phase you.
Post # 6
@stephee: Why are you still bitter today that you didn’t get to bring him as a date? It wasn’t your wedding, it was your sister’s and she clearly saw where this was heading and it wasn’t in the right direction. She didn’t want him at her wedding, I can’t really blame her.
@Missy_Star: It sucks bc you already gave him the +1, but if you REALLY wanted to, you could explain that you only are inviting people in serious relationships – engaged, married, living together. And they are none of the above. And although they were living together before, they’re not now and the relationship is still ‘new’ and you would prefer he didn’t bring her. I would only do this if the wedding was small, though. If you’re going to have like 150-200+ people, you won’t even notice or see her, honestly. You can just say hi and move on.
On another note, she may have been a bitch to your friend, but you REALLY don’t know what is going on in their relationship. For all you know, she was getting him back for things he did that you have no idea about. For instance, I just recently found out that my ex is going on and on (3.5 years later!!) about how I broke his heart. Last I checked, he broke mine and checked out of the relationship. But, whatever – people have different perceptions of things. I bet people thought I was a real bitch for not staying friends with him after we broke up, but no one knows how badly he hurt me and I’m sure they thought I was a crazy clinger gf. Also, another ex – long story short – did something really bad to me and it took me years to finally tell him to never speak to me again, and I’m sure I look like the bitch in that situation as well. So, maybe instead of being judgmental and assuming she is some crazy bitch, just assume that if your friend has forgiven her, there must be a reason why and what she did to him must not have been so bad and maybe he isn’t that innocent either and maybe that will help you not be as upset with her?
Post # 7
@futuremrsk18: That’s a really good point, only they know exactly what happened so i really shouldn’t judge, maybe things were not as they apear at all. Obviously they have come to terms with what happened and have gotten over it so i really should too, it doesn’t really directly affect me i guess.
Unfortunately we’re only having 42 people at the wedding so i really won’t be able to avoid her at all, but i don’t want to cause drama by not letting him bring her, if they do end up in a serious relationship again later on the down the track i feel like it will cause tension forever, so i’ll just have to put on my happy face, be polite to her and move onto the people i enjoy hanging out with!
Post # 8
@Missy_Star: You may not be able to avoid her entirely but all you really need to do is be superficially polite then move on to spend time with your other guests.
Post # 9
@Missy_Star: Oh jeez, well even though it’s small hopefully now that you’re thinking about it a little differently, you won’t be so hateful towards her and it’ll be easier when you see her not to envision punching her in the face lol 🙂