Post # 1
So I have posted about my FMIL’s opinions on same-sex marriage and how she likes to force those beliefs on others (especially the kids in the family).
As an agnostic, marriage to me is a committment between two people and really has nothing to do with God, IMO. FMIL has the opposite opinion and feels marriage is a sacrament and is only legit if God is present in it. Needless to say, my marriage to her stepson is not legit in her eyes. Oh well, no skin off our backs.
She is also very rigid about who is “family”. If you are not married then the non-blood person in the couple is not family. Doesn’t matter if we’ve been together for 30 years w/o getting married, I am not in their family. Again, I never care that I am not treated as family by her because well no one in the actual family likes her except for her husband. I am treated like family by everyone else in FI’s family. His sisters slip and call me a sister and all of the children call me Aunt Bluebelle.
Well what I didn’t know was that her judgement extends to children. We have A LOT of kids in our family – 8 blood grandkids and 2 stepgrandkids. No one differentiates between the blood grandkids and the stepgrandkids except I found out HER.
My FI’s sister is not married but has been in a relationship with her BF for 7 years. He has a 9 yo from another relationship who he has custody of and SIL has taken care of her for the bulk of this little girl’s life. To FI & I, she is our niece.
I just found out that FMIL does not “count” this little girl as family even though this little girl has been in the family for longer than Step-MIL! She is public about it! I cannot wrap my head around someone who would publically punish a 9 yo because she doesn’t agree with the choices of the parents.
Said 9 yo should count her blessings that she isn’t “claimed” by MIL. I’m not looking forward to the day when I am “claimed” as a daughter just because we get married.
I find this way of thinking despicable and it makes me even more want to limit this woman’s access to my future (maybe) children.
Just a vent. LOL Thanks for reading 🙂
Post # 3
That is horrible!! Poor little girl! At least no one else takes her seriously. Sounds like you have a lot of support from the rest of the family. I work in a nursing home and always think about what will happen to these people/ who will take care of them in old age if they treat their families so horribly now!
Post # 4
@hollyberry4: She has her own children but I am not sure any of them will take care of her in her old age. She treats the youngest better than the others in hopes that he will (Literally, her words) but he is so disrespectful to her and basically has told her that she’ll be lucky if he’s there to take care of her when she’s old.
Oh well, I guess I should just know that her judgemental ways will bring on loneliness later on in life.
I tolf my FI this morning that I think we should adopt a child now and just never get married just to spite her LOL!
I beleive in marriage for my relationship but would never judge others who may not want/have the means to get marrried. And I most certainly wouldn’t punish a child because her parents decide not to marry!
Post # 5
That is so insane. Does she not realize that SHE herself isn’t family either? She is a STEP… therefore not blood related!!
Unless I read that wrong!
Post # 6
@waitingalongtime: Exactly! She is a Stepmother to my Fi and his siblings and a STEP grandmother to ALL of the grandkids. Her biological children do not have any kids so SHE isn’t a grandmother at all! Plus, this little girl has been around LONGER than her!
But becuase she is married to my FI’s dad she thinks she is entitled to the title of “grandma”. She’s in for a rude awakening if I have kids. She wants to be called “Nana” by all of the kids – well if my mother was alive that would be her title. Therefore, this woman gets a choice: Grandmother Name or just her first name.
My belief is that blood is blood but otherwise you need to earn the right to be called family by people. She has not earned the right for me and if her ridiculous behavior keeps up I will NEVER call her my family.
Post # 7
That is terrible! But not so unheard of… my Grandma refused to accept my cousin as her granddaughter when my uncle got together with my now aunt…. she was a little baby when they met and it has taken 8 years to where she includes her name when she talks about her grandkids…
Post # 8
That makes me so sad for all the grandkids. I’m 40 years old and can’t have kids of my own, and if it weren’t for my nieces and nephews I would probably be a raging alcoholic. LOL
I have a 15 year old “blood” niece (Who I got guardianship of in the last year) and a 6 year old “blood” nephew in addition to 2 step-nephews and a step-niece. And then I am an honorary aunt to another newphew (My best friends son). And 2 soon to be step sons!! I don’t treat them any different then I do the “blood” ones.
My “step-sons” were 1 1/2 and 3 when I started dating their dad, and I treat them like I would if they were my own.
How sad for your F (STEP)MIL to be so petty over something so small. The kids will feel or sense her attitude, and figure out what kind of person she is on their own someday.
Post # 9
@waitingalongtime: I’m sorry that you aren’t able to have children of your own but what a blessing for both you and your neices and nephews to have you!! I love kids but we aren’t totally sure we want to have our own. However, we love to spent time with our nieces and nephews but we like to be able to give them back! LOL!
I have a stepmother of my own who is lovely and accepting of anyone and everyone. She feels that this woman has very low self-esteem and therefore takes it out on others. My stepmother feels we should pity her and think positively that one day she’ll see the error of her ways. (Like I said, she’s lovely) I hope that she will change one day but I am not as positive as my stepmother.
I was an only child because my mother could only go through one pregnancy. I wanted brothers and sisters so badly. My parents had friends that were closer to them than blood relatives so those people became my “Aunts” and “Uncles” and their kids were my “cousins”. I don’t categorize family only as blood although that is important. My best friend (not blood related) is my sister, she’s not like my sister, she IS my sister. We fight and love each other like traditional sisters we just happen to have different parents.
Post # 10
@BlueBelle0927: Step families can be better then real ones. My DAD married my mom when I was 5 and even though he is a step parent he has been the only constant in my entire life, INCLUDING my own mother!
My niece I have guardianship of, is my sisters daughter and let me tell you, I completely prefer my sister by LOVE and CHOICE over my sister by BLOOD!
Looks like someone has to give your FMIL the Step (NON-blood) family handbook on loving others!
Post # 11
@BlueBelle0927: How awful! I wouldn’t be “looking forward” to it either, and I would totally not be comfortable letting someone like that spend time alone with my children to teach them how to senselessly draw lines in the sand to divide people from each other.
Post # 12
@BlueBelle0927: WTF??? Doesn’t make sense at all. Crazy woman.
Post # 13
She’s going to be very lonely in her old age when those she has treated badly have decided to cut her out of their lives.
I tried to publically shame her about this ridiculous opinion and she basically told me that I don’t get to air my opinions because I am not family either. I told her that that staement made zero sense and that if she could so freely voice her opinions I would as well.
Needless to say, she is not a fan of me! Oh well her opinion of me means less than nothing.
Post # 14
Ugh wtf. People like this make my head numb.
FI and I both have nontraditional families (half siblings, stepparents, stepgrandparents, stepcousins, married in cousins), and everyone is family.
Post # 15
Quite honestly, I come from a family that says that if her stepson hasn’t thought enough to make her family and has decided that she’s only fit to play house with, then there’s no reason to treat her like family, because she isn’t.
I see no problem. I was Miss DJones to every child in the family UP UNTIL the day before our wedding, at which point my MIL started correcting all the kids and telling them that I was Aunt DJones. We do the same thing on my side of the family. Just because the world has all of a sudden decided to accept everyone with this lax version of standards, doesn’t mean that everyone has to because folks don’t want their feelings hurt.