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@UpstateCait: Is your FI just as upset about the lack of involvement from the Best Man?
Is this a big deal to Fi.
Sorry, my first reaction is this is an odd thing to be upset about.
@glorfin: I dont think this is odd at all.
My MOH really sucked on that department (infact she wasnt even the one to throw the shower).
My FI actually planned my bachelorette party. At first I thought it was lame, but at the end, everything worked out and my bms stepped up.
Could you possibly do that for FI? Maybe his best man is just so busy with the baby plans that he hasnt had time to plan. If you plan it and tell him to pay for it, FI might just have a great time!
@UpstateCait: I really advice not planning his bachelor party yourself...awkward. Our wedding is in less than 40 days, nothing's planned so far but I'm not worried about it. I know that the guys will get something together eventually, it'll be last minute but it really shouldn't take much advance planning unless they're going out of town or something, which I don't think is necessary.
@Wonderstruck: I know that it sounds awkward and at first I was really really against it, but in the end it was honestly one of the best night of my life. And I really think I would have been really bummed if nothing had happend at all.
@glorfin: Why is it an odd thing to be upset about? Unlike some women, I want my fiancé to have a bachelor party. He’s not interested in doing anything crazy but he would like for his brother to do something for him.
@MsBrewer: Yea, he's dissapointed. Doesn't exactly make him feel great, ya know.
I'd be upset too and my solution would be to contact the best man and say "How's your wife doing?" - just to ask about the baby first and then "Hey, you are planning a bach party for the Mr., right?"
No one was getting the ball rolling on my fiance's bachelor party, so he sent out an email to his buddies that was basically, "Hey there's a Tigers game on such and such a date, and it would be sweet to go to it and then party in Detroit for my bachelor party. What do you guys think?"
They all emailed back and said they were excited about it, one guy volunteered to get tickets, another volunteered to get hotel rooms, etc. Sometimes you just have to get the ball rolling because people tend to not take charge if they think someone else is going to do it.
Honestly, if the baby is due at any time, the bachelor party is probably the last thing on his brother's mind. He probably just needs a little nudge and a reminder. Also, if there are any single guys in the bridal party, they will probably be most excited about planning it. The best man doesn't necessarily have to be the one to put it together.
@Wonderstruck: I don’t think it’s awkward. FI has no interest in having “lady entertainment” so nothing like that would be involved anyway. It would basically just be me making the phone calls to arrange the plans and telling his guys when and where to show up. You better believe we’re not paying for this though. His guys can cough up the money required.
@tranquility: I know he’ll use the baby as an excuse which is… fine but it’s still frustrating. It’s not like our wedding was thrown together in a matter of months, it’s been well over a year in the making. I don’t even know why I’m surprised though. I should have expected this from the get-go.
I emailed FMIL to see if she knew if anything was in the making. Last I spoke to her she didn’t know of anything but she feels the same way I do. She feels that it’s FBIL’s obligation to plan something for FI regardless of the baby. Hopefully he steps up.
Yeah, there's no reason you can't casually bring it up to FBIL. Just say, "I just wanted to find out if you'd decided on a day for DF's bachelor party....our weekends are filling up so we'd like to get that on the callendar" or something like that.
@UpstateCait: I was having the same problem! FI's BM is his brother as well. His brother sometimes...well has problems thinking of people other than himself. I knew that it was going to be difficult. When July rolled around and nothing had been planned I contacted FI's best friend and talked to him about it to make sure that he was "helping" FBIL out because I didn't think anything would get done otherwise. Luckily he felt the same way and said he was realizing he was going to have to plan things himself. Well he got FBIL going and now they have a fun weekend planned for FI. FI is now even getting a second bachelor party weekend with his friends down in Washington DC that some of his friends who live there set up.
Is there another GM that you can talk to that isn't quite as busy as your FBIL?
@Sunshine1810: One of our GM is married to one of my best friends (who’s a BM) so I think he’ll be a good place to start. I think I’ll mention something to my friend and let her do the dirty work, lol. His other GM is not exactly someone who I would want to have ANY control over FI’s bachelor party since he’s a big fan of the one thing that FI doesn’t want, “lady entertainment”.
I hope it all comes together for him. He deserves to have a bachelor party and I know he’ll be really disappointed if nothing is done.
@UpstateCait: I think that sounds like a great place to start! I am sure that your friend's DH would be happy to assist in the planning. FBIL probably needs a kick in the pants to get going, and if he is not much for organizing things, he might need suggestions too. I really hope it works out!
I know it sounds weird to some people that the bride is advocating for her FI to have a bachelor party but honestly for me it was that I wanted FI to feel cared about by his friends. I also wanted them all to be able to get away and have some fun together.
@Sunshine1810: I know it sounds weird to some people that the bride is advocating for her FI to have a bachelor party but honestly for me it was that I wanted FI to feel cared about by his friends. I also wanted them all to be able to get away and have some fun together.
- This! Even my fi had a similar problem! The boys were slacking on their road trip for FI too! So I sent out an email saying that if they needed any help with planning it I would be more then wiling to do anything because I knew it would mean a lot to FI. And then after that, the boys planned it all.
I dont think its weird at all. Its his wedding too and Im sure he wants to do all the things that lead up to the wedding. If you have a bach party and he doesnt that could make him resent his guys etc. I dont see an issue with you getting the ball rolling. Maybe you should talk to FBIL and see if he does have any ideas. Light a fire under his butt! Just say hey my girls are starting to plan my bach party. I was wondering if you have thought about his at all.. I know youhave a lot going on just wondering.
@UpstateCait: I had the same issue. I haven't heard a peep from the Groomsmen about anything! I have emailed them, talked to them in person and none of them know anything about anything! (what they're wearing yet, bachelor party, etc)!.
My FI says that "he doesn't care about a bachelor party and doesn't want one". But honestly, I know he does. He's only just saying that so if it really doesn't happen he can say "it's ok, didn't want one anyways", but I know he'd be hurt. Just like you, I want him to feel cared about and I want him to have a fun night celebrating with his friends and only his friends.
I have since nagged the best man, and groomsmen about it, and whether they had something planned all along and just didn't want to tell me, or whether they threw it all together, they finally gave a date.
I would definitely talk to the one groomsman, see if he'll plan, and if that doesn't work, i see NO problem in making the phone calls yourself, and then letting everyone know where and when to be! I think it's very awesome that you care that much about your FI. :)
I accidenatly planned my FIs bachlor party. His Best Man is one of my best friends too, and he was asking me for help find reasonable prices from Kansas City (I'm a travel agent). I suggested they drive to St Louis and go on a float trip over Memorial Day weekend. The guys loved the idea, liked that it was a good, central location for the out of town men, and had a blast. If you are friends with any of the guys you might say "oh I heard this could be fun for a bachlor party" and let them take it from there!
@Sunshine1810: Couldn’t agree more. I know that bachelor/ette parties aren’t a requirement but they do make you feel loved and cared about when someone plans something in your honor. I’m having a bachelorette party that has been fully organized by my MOH & BM’s. They’ve planned activities that they know I’ll love since they’re my best friends and know be better than anyone (other than FI, of course). I just want him to feel the same excitement that I will and I know that he will feel some resentment if nothing is done for him.
@organizedbride11: I’m going to wait to hear back from FMIL before I approach FBIL about it. I know that right now isn’t a good time for him but at this point, when will be? We’re 9 weeks out from our wedding so there’s not much time left.
i like missrobots the idea of asking which day he has planned for the bachelor party because your weekends are filling up.
Ok guys, I feel like an asshole. I just texted my friend (who’s married to the GM) and she said FBIL contacted her hubs about FI’s b-party. I don’t know what was discussed or if they have any plans or what not but I guess he has acknowledged the fact that he needed to do something. I feel better and I know that FI will be thrilled that his brother is doing something for him. I just hope that he’s taken FI’s wishes into consideration and is not planning any “lady entertainment”.
@UpstateCait:I've been trying to figure out what to do about my FI's bachelor party too. He's not having a best man, but to me, that's still no excuse. None of his men have gone to try on their tuxes either, and it's only three months from the wedding. So far, I've had three offers of people wanting to host a bachelorette party and I'm not having one if he doesn't. I'd plan it myself but having it at the house would be a bad idea I think since we live with the in laws.
@UpstateCait: Im glad something is in the works for your FI and hopefully it suits his taste.
@SweetRose2011: I was gonna suggest this before, but maybe you guys could have a stag & doe party instead? This way you can have a fun night out together, even if it isn't the ideal.
Co-ed party- we all get the paintball, bbq, fish and go 4 wheeling and I don't have to worry that either of us will have a bad time =) (I will CERTAINELY be the one with more bruises from paint tho..mark my words)
I'm so glad to read your update that something is in the works!
I totally understand your frustration as to why you'd want FI to have one - ESPECIALLY when he went all out for his brother. To not return the gesture would have SUCKED.
I was going to encourage you to drop a hint to the brother - but now that it's underway - no need to! Some guys just plan things a little last minute and the brother must have been taking it into consideration the entire time and just been slow on the communication to people. You still have plenty of time, etc - I'm sure it will be great!
Essentially this is about your feelings ( and Fi's) not the brother. You guys invested in his batchelor party and you expect the same, but be careful with this type of thinking in the future! Do things from the heart and don't expect things back or that If you do _____ they are obligated to do ______.
I'm not saying its wrong to feel the way you do and I am sad for your FI but keep an open mind and time schedule! If i was his wife and due with a baby, I would probably be busy and worried about the baby- not wanting my hubs to stray to far. I realize everyone knew about your wedding so many months in advance but shit happens!
I hope your future hubby gets the bachelor party he wants and deserves!! Also, I doubt your FI planned an awesome bach party for his brother all the while thinking it would get him a better bach party in return. I think it is completely normal to feel dissapointed when someone you care for and do thoughtful things for doesn't care enough to do the same. Not that FBIL doesn't care, I just know it can feel that wat sometimes!
My FI and his friends are all very easy going people so they have been the same way. I basically have been messaging the best man asking what he's doing since I'm going on mine in a MONTH and nothing has been said about FI's bachelor party. I feel bad for him....so I've pretty much been planning it and telling the best man. Who doesn't have an excuse like a new born on the way!
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Beekeeper
With less than 2 months to go until our wedding, nothing has been mentioned about a bachelor party for FI. I guess something could be in the works but I highly doubt it. FI’s best man is his brother who is expecting his first child any day now. I get that right now isn’t an ideal time to be planning anything but we’ve been engaged for 14 months and the date has been set this entire time. There is absolutely no excuse.
FI was his brothers best man a few years ago when he got married and he threw him his ideal bachelor party equipped with all the “usual” hijinks, if you get what I’m sayin’. We spent a lot of money (that really could have been used for other things) on his bachelor party so it’s really aggravating to think that FBIL isn’t going to return the favor.
I sincerely hope that he plans something because if he doesn’t, I’m not going to be a happy camper and no one wants me to be pissed off in the weeks leading up to our wedding, lol. I’m not saying I’m going to go all ‘zilla but anything can happen when you mix crazy emotions with stress and frustration. If it comes down to it, I’ll plan his bachelor party myself. Let me add one more thing to my ever growing to-do list!