Weddingbee boards

*Sorry this is so long!*

I'm planning the whole wedding.  Every little detail.  It's a garden/tent wedding, so there are a lot of details.  He mailed in the DJ's contract.  That's IT.  And only after I researched DJ's and selected someone within our price range, spoke to them on the phone and requested that they mail me a contract.  He signed it and put a stamp on that bad boy.  I asked him to block off some hotels (again, I'd already done the research and just needed him to do the paperwork) and he did half of it.  I figured that out when the hotel clerk emailed to see if I still wanted the block.  Oh - did I mention that I'm planning from across the country while trying to write a dissertation?

So, months ago, I asked if he could plan the honeymoon.  We talked about some different options, we talked a little about money, and then I let it go and trusted that he would get it done. Now, less than 3 months before our wedding, he has NOTHING BOOKED.  I've sent him links, deals, thoughts, etc, and heard nothing from him about it.  So two weeks ago I finally found 2 places that I loved that were in our price range (low) and fit what we wanted to do (lounge on a beach).  I sent them both to him, and asked him to take a look, decide, and act on it.  Did he?  No, of course not!!!  In the meantime I kept looking at them, and decided that I really liked one of the options, and told him that, and he still did nothing.  So I finally called today to see if we could book a room, and guess what?  They're booked solid.  I shouldn't be surprised, but I. am. pissed.

So I know it's not his fault that they're booked, but I can't help but think that if he had acted months ago, we would have been able to do something along those lines.  Now, he's done nothing, and it's just the last straw!  I'm so mad!  The worst part is that he's got a big presentation tomorrow, so I really shouldn't go home tonight and bring this up, b/c I know it will be a big fight and I really want him to do well.  Argh.

So hive, what should I do?  I actually like most of the planning - it's a fun, creative outlet most of the time.  And I don't really want an all-out war over this.  I'm just really frustrated right now, and don't know how to approach the subject without going psycho on him. 

This sounds very much like me and FI.  In fact, I flat out got in a fight with him about it about three weeks ago.  It turns out when he finally started talking to me about it that he didn't want to go on a beach vacation--he didn't want to spend so much $$$ on what he considered a generic experience.  Basically, he just hadn't told me that he didn't really like my ideas and that was why he was dragging his feet.  A couple of weeks ago we sat down and brainstormed together about what type of honeymoon he wanted to go on and after some negotiation we settled on something completely different.  Maybe your FI is similar to mine? Maybe have a conversation about what he wants to get out of your honeymoon.  Is it also possible that he is more reluctant about the budget than you initially thought?

As for other stuff, I just don't really expect FI to get interested.  He has a busy job, he supports me when I have conflicts with out parents or vendors and he is active in our marriage prep at church.  I think so long as he's supporting you and you enjoy the planning, it's ok if guys aren't as involved.  If you are stressed and don't want to do certain things for the wedding, you should sit down and talk about why you need him to chip in.

It literally took years for my husband to learn how to book a trip.  And then only after a few world class fights- but he does okay now.  If it's an important trip, I supervise... even now, because it's me who will be PO'd and it will ruin the trip.  I don't know if you are staying in the US or wanted to go to the Caribbean... but if you're looking for unbooked, use Expedia and block something off.  Key West is affordable and romantic.  Mustang Island off Corpus is secluded and pristinc.  Destin... wow, beautiful.  Bet cha they still have something good.  Montserrat is super secluded (volcano still erupting) but you can get a whole house there for 1K (excluding air fare) and a beach to yourself on the North side of the island. 

Thanks for your thoughts, ladies.  I managed to not talk about it last night, but will probably bring it all up tonight.

@monitajb - You made me laugh.  :)  But really, you're exactly right - I do think he's being an inconsiderate ass.  BUT, it's only in this area.  In most parts of our life together, he is sweet, loving, and considerate.  Recently, for example, he built a fence around my garden for me, to protect it from our dogs. 

@katiebug - that's a good theory, except that he's the one that wants the beach vacation.  I suggested some alternative trips (national parks, a cabin on a lake), and he really just wants the beach thing.  And he's ALSO the one wanting to spend more money!  Argh.  :)  We have the same job, so it's not a matter of me having more time.  Actually, it's probably the reverse, b/c in addition to that I've got classes and more extracurricular activities.

@mrsmdphd - first, does your un imply that you're an MD and a Phd?!?!  Nice job, if so.  :)  second, I think that you've hit the nail on the head.  He kind of lives in his own universe where time is concerned.  Usually I'm all right with this, but I think I've placed a higher priority on this wedding stuff than he has, and that is frustrating to me.

Tonight, I think that I'll explain to him exactly why this needs to get done NOW, and ask him to book our rooms and flights by the end of the week.  There is no more deciding, b/c my second choice is still available.  :) 

@ monitajb - No worries!  You were pretty funny -'I'm getting married, not giving birth.'  lol!!  :)

@amariem - that is exactly what I've been trying to avoid!  You're right - it's probably the only way to get him to help, but I hate feeling like his babysitter, you know?