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Kind of sneaky, but I would go to the fortuneteller with my birthday and find out the lucky days. If the days sound good to you, give the information to FMIL. You get to be a good daughter and get what you want. Maybe by then, she will have put aside the time issue.
Of course, if the days don't work for you, I guess you'll need to come up with a different plan.
Wow! That sounds like a really stressful situation to deal with; I want to pull my hair out for you! I always say "wedding are about families"... but I guess I'm naive - it is easy to say that when you are from a culture that doesn't have multiple ceremonies and lucky days and hours! Try to take sollace that this will be a funny story in a few years?! Good luck
Niki, I was kind of thinking about going to the fortuneteller myself to see if the times for my wedding day are accurate w/my actual birthday. That way I could change the time! hehehe But I just don't feel like spending hundreds and maybe even a thousand dollars of my wedding budget to see a fortuneteller on something I find so ridiculous since I don't believe in "lucky times"!
My parents are making me pray to my ancestors on the designated lucky day before my wedding since I will be starting in the hotel and have no intention of running between two houses. The are also making me go to the temple to request permission for my marriage...although we're getting married regardless. But I'm sure if you could agree on a mutual day with your FMIL for a tea ceremony where you guys would be somewhat dressed up for and go through the motions, it may work. And from personal experience....don't give her your Western Calendar birthday either as there is a way to calculate it backwards!
Best of luck, I know what you're going through!
Hi Stressgirl -- hang in there, I swear this will be a very funny story years later. Your FMIL might be driving you crazy, but at least it's done out of love, right? ;)
But anyways, I think you'd be totally ok in doing in tea ceremony the day before. Actually, I think that'd be a lot better since you won't be so stressed out the day-of. A lot of my Korean & Chinese friends did their "traditional" activities the day before too, and it all worked out well.
Good luck!
Mrs. Plum did that, she had a tea ceremony the day before her western wedding...and to think of it, I think another bee did the same. As long as it is okay with everyone, have them on multiple days. I would too, but fiance doesn't want to have two ceremonies, so we're only going to have the tea ceremony (he's mexican).
Hi Stressgirl,
Take a deep breath! ****in**** *****out***** better? 
I think having the tea ceremony they day before/after (I've heard of both before!) is an excellent idea and will help reduce the stress. :) Goodluck with the planning!!
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because of our long engagement, we had to wait over a yr to get our lucky day. we knew we had to book a venue and cant wait for the date. so we just randomly picked a date. my lucky day is april...we're doing city hall on that day n getting married in june...as long as the parents are okay with it because that satisfy the superstitions...legal marriage on the lucky day.
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i feel for you stressgirl... when i was planning my wedding, my mil had sooo many days that we could not get married and she also insisted that we had to get married after my husband's birthday (which was about 10 months aways from when we had gotten engaged), but within a year. with only about a 2 month window, it was very difficult finding a church and a reception location available on the exact days that were considered to be "good days". anyhow, we did it, and although it was stressful at the time, i knew that i wanted to follow her wishes so she could not use it against me in the future =) now we're facing "good years" to have babies... it never ends =(
I hear ya! I'm also in a similar boat. We're actually have 2 weddings - 1 in Michigan and 1 in Boston. The one in Michigan is just a Tea ceremony on the Saturday with just his family (since my family is not allowed at the ceremony - tradition) and then just an American buffet reception on Sunday. We actually have to do our Tea ceremony between 1-3pm. In Boston, we're doing a wedding ceremony(gown and everything) and a Chinese banquet where we'll do the tea ceremony for my family.
I say go for the Tea Ceremony the day before! You'll won't have to run around change and do all that crazy stuff. It'll be less stressful at least that's what I'm hoping for.
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VENT WARNING!!!
Ok, so I have been trying to make my wedding as Asian as possible w/using red as my main wedding color (instead of using blue as both sides would probably be in an uproar over), agreeing to squeeze in the two Chinese tea ceremonies, and dealing w/last minute adds from both sides of the family when I have to literally remake two separate batches of invitations! Yes, thats two batches! since they keep saying ok, this is final list and then again needing more invitations!
The only request I had at the beginning of my planning was to tell my mom not to give my FI's mom my chinese birthday information so that she cannot go to a fortuneteller to pick a "lucky" day since I would go crazy having to find venues that coincided w/lucky days. So what does my FMIL do??? She goes to fortuneteller anyway! Without my exact birthday, she just asked fortuneteller what are good days in general and since there is no really great day in May, the stupid man said she could make up for it by doing specific times. The times are 11 am arrive at my house to pick me up and have to be back at his house by noon. Our houses are 25 mins apart. Even if i could do my family's tea ceremony in 15 mins, and get back to his house by noon, I don't think I have sufficient time to take pics as I have garden ceremony starting at 3 and I want to be there are 2 pm to make sure everything is set up.
So I was thinking maybe I could suggest we do the whole tea ceremony thing the day before. Then I wouldn't care if she wanted specific time and I wouldn't be sooo stressed out on the day of my wedding trying to rush thru everything. Has anyone heard of this being done before?
Sorry this was so long. I just needed to vent since this has been bugging me and I can't sleep.