Post # 1
I think my bridal party is falling apart. =( My sister (MOH) is probably not coming to the wedding at all because her boyfriend is not allowed to come so my Fiance is removing my brother from his side to keep it even… then my other sister is standing as a bridesmaid alone without my other siblings which everyone is saying is unfair so she has to be removed and then my only bridesmaids are my FI’s 2 sisters which I find unfair to my siblings so I have to remove them and my entire bridal party is gone just like that. My grandmother says *I NEED* a bridal party and she won’t drop it but I have no one to stand up with me (all my friends are guys) and she thinks I can just use old friends or make new ones… I’m not close to anyone and I don’t get along well with females… I am so lost on what to do now… my head and heart hurt. Weddings make you realize who your friends are I guess and it would seem I have barely any. This also is hurting the other things I was excited about like the bridal shower and bach party. I wish I would have never decided to have a big wedding… all I ever wanted was a small 10 person wedding on the beach. The only people who care were getting married at all (wedding or not) are my grandparents. My mom told us were ‘stupid’ for wanting to get married, my siblings just shrugged it off and the rest of my family just avoided talking to me about it because everyone hates my mother these days. I am beyond sad.
Post # 3
I think it sounds like you are trying WAYYYY to hard to please everyone and keep things even. Why do your sides need to have the same amount of people? I think you should keep whomever you want and don’t have who ever you don’t want. Do what feels right. I may have missed a thread, but why is your sister’s boyfriend not invited? I’m just curious.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour
Have the wedding party that you want. Tell everyone else to shush.
Do you want your sister in the party? Then do it. Do you have close guy friends that you want standing next to you? Go for it. Is your party uneven? Does it REALLY matter all that much as long as everyone in your party are people that you love?
In the end, the day is about you, your Fiance, and the celebration of your union. Try thinking outside the formality, and what other people want, and traditions and everything else. Throw a party, and do it your way. 🙂
Post # 5
The only thing I see you having no control over is whether your Maid/Matron of Honor shows or doesn’t. Other than that, it’s your choice to keep or eliminate people from the party. There’s no need to keep it the same # or even the same sex on both sides. If you are close to some guy friends, ask one (or more) of them to join. And absolutely, no reason to take out your sister and hurt/penalize her for your other sisters actions!
Post # 6
Yeah, is there a reason your sister’s Boyfriend or Best Friend can’t come? Seems like inviting him would solve a lot of your problems.
Even if you’re doing “no ring, no bring” I feel exceptions can be made for immediate family/bridal party.
Post # 7
Oh for cripes’ sake, it’s your wedding, who cares what other people think is unfair? It’s your bridal party, have who you want in it! If all your closest friends are guys, there’s no reason they can’t stand beside you on your big day.
Or your Fiance can have his siblings (including his sisters) on his side and you can have yours on your side.
If everyone’s this unsupportive, they’re going to gripe no matter how much you try and accommodate them. So accept the fact that they’re resigned to be miserable and just have the wedding that makes you happy!
Post # 8
Just start ignoring people and do what you want. Yes, you will find out who your real friends are through the wedding process. Unfortunately, that just comes with the territory. You should have the wedding that you can look back on and love it, not the one that everyone wants for you. I am sorry that everyone is putting so much pressure on you, that is not fair or kind. If you are really in need of a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I have never been to Pennsylvania
Post # 9
The “boyfriend” explained:
My sisters boyfriend is on bad terms with my Fiance and I as well as my entire family. He has a long criminal record of alcohol related, abuse related, theft related things and we all met him on Thanksgiving… at the dinner I was talking to my brother about the wedding and my sisters boyfriend told me to stop talking about it (which was odd… it was the 1st time I brought it up the entire time I had been there and I wasn’t talking to him…). Then he got up in the middle of dinner and started screaming at me and at my grandparents throwing around bad words and telling us we all are terrible people. I never even met the guy before this day and here he was walking towards me with his fist up… My Fiance reacted, I reacted and my grandparents reacted all at the same time- things got heated, blew up and they were kicked out. He is now banned from any event my grandparents have. My grandparents have helped me a lot with the wedding but they told me they can’t be there if he comes and they are the only people who even care or want my Fiance and I to get married so they have to be there. =/ I just got word a few minutes ago my sister won’t be coming for Christmas since her boyfriend can’t come and she said that goes for EVERY event. He won’t let her come- he has complete control over her… she’s only 21 and he’s 37 he treats her like another one of his children.
Post # 10
I would just like to second all of the above mentioned details. You can have anyone you wnat in your bridal party.
Post # 11
I of course only have 50% of the say about how the wedding things go… my Fiance wants even sides and only his guys on his side so it’s not like I could toss people around and put his sisters over there and grab my 4 best guy friends. =( I’m just lost in every way today. I won’t lie I want even sides too but today I just want to be rid of all of them… I’m sick of asking people to buy dresses or give me their sizes so I can buy their dress, I’m sick of asking them if they have or need shoes I haven’t ever gotten a quick response… asking them anything is like pulling teeth to get an answer a month later at best. It’s just a headache at this point with all the other wedding stuff.
Post # 12
You dont need even numbers at all :). I say use some of your guy friends (sorry I’m not too traditional lol) and if people are going to act stupid about it, just remind them that its YOUR DAY!
sisters Boyfriend or Best Friend needs his ass kicked and hers too if shes letting anyone control her. COuld be that women his age dont put up with his BS (my .02)
Post # 13
@HappilyEverAfter54: You could always just drop his sisters and have four guy friends. If he’s booting your brother from his side then I don’t see why you have to accommodate his sisters on yours.
Post # 14
Why don’t you just drop the one sister from the wedding and keep the rest of the bridal party? It seems far less complicated. The way you described it, it sounded like a series of dominos falling down.
Post # 15
If you want a 10 person beach wedding, have it that way, you are only going to regret it otherwise.
Post # 16
I don’t get why (how?) you can just drop your brother, your sister, etc, and you’re still expected to accomodate your FI’s sisters. That doesn’t sit well. So maybe your sister decides not to show bc of her boyfriend…oh well, her loss. Doesn’t mean your other two siblings need to be booted or that the domino-effect has to destroy your wedding party.
Also…seriously tell him to get over the even sides thing. It’s not necessary, and having less hurt feelings is WAY better than symmetry.