Vent: Guest Bringing Friend as Date

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@somerrae:  I really think people don’t get it at all.  I had a friend invite me as his guest to a wedding out of town, he lives in San Francisco and I’m in Arizona so we figured a wedding in socal would be a good halfway point to get to hang out.  So I show up after a 5 hour drive to find out he wasn’t given a plus one and I couldn’t come to the wedding.  So I sat in the Motel 6 watching tv for a few hours and went to the afterparty.  I imagine the bride fumed over me for a while but I had no idea!  My friend can be an idiot, I should have known.

What I mean to say is that people aren’t wilfully aggrivating, they’re just ignorant.  Which I imagine doesn’t make you feel any better, but hang in there!

Post # 4
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

People just don’t make any sense. It’s not a “girl’s night out” or a “date night”.

Post # 5
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Some people just don’t know how guest lists work, sadly.  Up until I was planning my own wedding I didn’t know what a big deal this sort of thing was; I had no idea how much each person costs or how hard it can be to add people after a final headcount is given.  Now that I’m in the process of planning I wish this stuff was more commonly known!

Post # 6
592 posts
Busy bee

I totally understand the frustration.  I do have to admit that in my younger days I was guilty of being one of my male friend’s “date” to several wedding he was invited too.  After planning my own wedding, now I totally feel bad about it 🙁  because now I think it was kinda rude.

Post # 7
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Well, it depends on how she was invited.  If she was invited as “Jane Smith and Eric Jones”, then it would be inappropriate to bring someone else.  If it was just “Jane Smith and guest”, that means she can bring anyone she wants.  Not to sound snotty, but this is why etiquette matters.  If you had invited her as “Jane and Eric” and she wanted to bring a different friend, you could have explained to her that they were invited as a pair, so it would not be appropriate for her to substitute a guest.  But with “Jane and guest”, you leave it completely to her discretion.

Post # 8
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

That would piss me off.

Post # 9
6664 posts
Bee Keeper

Don’t be afraid to say no.  It’s your guest list.  I would specifically tell these people that +1 refers to a current romantic interest, live in or engaged couple only.    

Post # 10
2269 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@somerrae:  Yeah..same thing happened to me.

I invited a girlfriend who told me she was dating someone (who I didn’t know) so I gave her a plus one, and then she turned around and said that he couldn’t make it so she was bringing some other random girlfriend that I didn’t know. So frustrating! I seriously don’t get people……

But – we had already given her the plus one, so we let it go and she brought the random friend. Wasn’t the end of the world. Just annoying.

I also had another guest inform me the week before my wedding that her long term boyfriend wasn’t able to make it….so she was bringing her cousin. (who we had never met). Random! What do people think, honestly……so rude.

Post # 11
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@somerrae:  I totally feel for you. I was just recently criticized on here when the wife of a couple who more or less invited themselves to our wedding told me she’d be bringing a friend instead when it turned out her husband couldn’t make it. Uh, Sorry. Your husbands name is not just a place holder for some random plus one showing up to my wedding.  Its also a similar situation where she will know other pepole at the wedding. I’ve flown across several states alone to attend weddings by myself, knowing I would know other people once i got there.  So I can’t understand having such anxiety about going to a wedding without a date where you will know other people that you have to impose your uninvited guests on someone else’s wedding!

my point is, I totally understand your frustration!  But I do also agree with PPs that mentioned that people probably don’t do it on purpose, they just don’t know any better. Still, their lack of understanding doesn’t justifying them messing with your plans/vision on your wedding day!

Post # 12
526 posts
Busy bee

I’ll play devils advocate here for FSIL, (the coworker has no excuse) I think attending your brothers wedding is not as much fun as an obligation, and yes she knows the family, but if having a friend there to talk to improves her mood (read, not scowling in the corner or worse, in pictures) that is goodwill you can use for years.  In 20 years she might not remember the date she took, but she would always remember you not letting her invite anyone.

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