[Vent] He doesn't care and I've had it!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Listen, I think this is most guys. It was definitely my husband. It doesn’t mean he loves you any less. Relax and be happy you’re getting married. Trust me those details will all work out in the end. But if you keep fighting about this, you could damage the relationship.

Post # 4
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@honeyhalo:  I would have thought I wrote this thread myself, our situation sounds so similar.

Honestly though, as the date gets closer (my FI didn’t care about the wedding until like 2 months before the big day) he will probably start to see things come together & get excited too.

But, even if he doesn’t, you will be so excited to see all your hard work come together. That’s how it has been for me, at least. My FI procrastinated on one of the few things that I asked him to do (grooms/men outfits) & they ended up selling out of what we wanted. It was such a pain in the ass. But, all in all, he really got his shit together & made it work.

I just had my final venue meeting on Tuesday morning & I actually cried some of the happiest tears I ever have after it was over. My wedding is such a reflection of my style & my wants, nothing can bring me down.

Try not to worry; as things get closer it will all come together. Now days I sometimes wish my FI would just butt out so that I can do my thing without having to worry about his opinion lol 😛

Post # 5
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Secretly…I’d be kind of happy because I’d get exactly what I envisioned…I mean I would ask for his input ,but if he keeps snubbing you, I’d just take the wheel and tell him when and where. But I’m a Type-A kind of control freak. LOL.

Post # 6
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

We had problems over this too, and what I realized (not saying your doing this, but I did)… was that when he gave suggestions, what I wanted him to do, was agree with me not tell me what he wanted.

Example: dinner.. he wanted corn on the cob. Who the fk serves corn on the cob at a wedding? But that is what he told me he wanted for a veggie when I asked, it’s his favorite. I shot it down and when the next item came up and I asked him, he told me he didn’t care, I got mad and said it was his wedding too ect ect, and he said it didn’t matter what he said that I was going to do what I wanted anyways. And he was right, I was doing exactly that! DOH! I felt like an asshat!

So we made a deal… when it came to things he didn’t care about, he’d say “I don’t really care about that” and when it came to things he had an opinion about, he’d say them. And TBH those few (very, very few) things he had an opinion about, he pretty much got. Like corn on cob lol. It was delicious 🙂

I made our planning so much easier once we got that out of the way, cause I’d start most conversations with “do you care what color such and such is?” and if he said no, my feelings wouldn’t be hurt. He’s a guy, he just wanted me to show up and marry him. 

Post # 7
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@honeyhalo:  WOW that sounds like something i would have written too!!! 🙂 i know exactly how you feel. I’m doing everything myself. My FI is super stressed with work and has a horribly long commute driving 4-5 hours each day so me piling questions on him is overwhelming and he could care less most of the time.

So yes the benefit like @lina010:  said is that you get to pick out exactly what YOU want. Does he really care about flowers and want to make any decisions on them? no and good riddance hahah. but music, yeah maybe he likes that more so try to get him excited about that.

Also, try to organize decisions/ options for him and do it all at once instead of constantly asking opinions. Maybe he’s just overwhelmed with the constant wedding talk and wants his normal life back. Thats how mine feels at least :o) 

I laid off the wedding talk constantly and it got a little better.

I know it’s frustrating…spending hours and hours and HOURS looking at vendor reviews, pictures, reading blogs, etc. trying to get all the details perfect…then no enthusiasm from him when you want 5 minutes of his time. That really crushed me…but I had a long talk with him about it, not gonna lie i cried like a baby, and he seemed to understand and was trying to be a little better about it.

The Trace Adkins song “You’re gonna miss this” really spoke to me.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Give him your to-do list and ask him what he would be most interested in helping to get done with. One, he gets to choose, and two you get some things crossed off your list, but you HAVE to trust him to get it done by the wedding not by your time frame.

I think there must have been some point when he liked something and did voice his opinion on early on that got shot down. He wouldn’t be feeling this way otherwise. Maybe ask him for a sepcific example and be sincere.

I gave my DH the to-do list since he thought there wasn’t much left to do. As soon as he looked at the list he took an interest in the wedding and getting stuff done with me. Not saying it will work for you, but its an idea.

Post # 9
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@megz06:  I did this too.. it worked wonders. 

Post # 10
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@honeyhalo:  coming from someone that never “dreamed” of their wedding as a child, or even wanted to be married for that matter, I would think that maybe he just genuinely doesn’t care one way or the other.  I really didn’t care what my husband wore or what he wanted to incorporate.  In fact, he picked my dress out, ordered my flowers, etc., because he was the one who had been dreaming of a wedding.  It doesn’t mean I love him or our marriage any less, I was just indifferent to certain details. 

Post # 11
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@honeyhalo:  I would plan a mock wedding for him. Just tell him you want the colors to be hot pink and his shoes to be pink. You want to be carried into the alter and ice sculptures… Make it sound so crazy that he’s going to want to be involved now. Make it so silly, then he’ll start giving his opinion. And if he freaks out, then tell him, “But this is what I want.”  I would totally do that if my FI was being this way. Hell, I’ll do just for fun to freak him out. Lol! 

 

Post # 12
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@PrincessPerry:  

@megz06:  

me three! I gave him a list of to-dos and let him pick! 

Something that someone else suggested on a different thread was to offer three options and let him tell you what he likes/dislikes about ech one.  This has really helped us make some joint decisions, especially the ones I am being type a about. 

Post # 13
Member
13012 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you want an opinion or decision from him, tell him that and make sure he understands.  Then make sure you act on it.  He probably thinks you’re just chit chatting with him and that you know what you want to do and/or truely doesnt care about the details.  Do I think my husband cared a lick about the flowers, or chair covers, or invites, or anything but maybe liquor and food?  nope. I’m sure he didnt.  Every last decision was left up to me, and it worked out just fine.  I could just decide on whatever I wanted and not have to consult him.

Post # 14
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have just recently accepted that my FI couldn’t give two shits about the planning. Whatever, I’m fine with it. Right now he has one job: to book the officiant (who is a family friend)… Still hasn’t done it; I’m sure I’ll have to bitch at him for who knows how long until he gets it done.

Men generally don’t care. I’m hoping he will be on board when it comes to the music selection though … Grrr….

Do you have any girlfriends or anyone else helping you plan?

Post # 15
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@PrincessPerry:  All of my wedding questions for my FH start with “Do you care about…” so it’s funny that you said that. It has definitely made things easier!

Post # 16
Member
687 posts
Busy bee

He probably really doesn’t care, which is fine, but that doesn’t mean that you should do all the work. I think instead of asking him his opinion on things, you should give him tasks to do. That way he doesn’t have to make any decisions that he doesn’t care about in the first place and he won’t feel like an argument is coming, but you won’t have to do everything yourself. 

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