Post # 1
A year and half ago, FI and everyone in his family kept raving about how well FMIL can do cakes. And that shes made alot of wedding cakes for other family members. So I trusted their opinion and thought that based upon what they told me, it would be a great way to include FMIL in the wedding process. So I had asked her to make my cake. And she was more than happy to do so. I advised her that I wanted a fondant cake. She said that she had made wedding cakes in the past with buttercream and had never worked with fondant. Needless to say that the last wedding cake she made was 20years ago which was in the 80’s. I think that should have been a red flag for me, but I guess I was so happy that we were cutting cost by not buying a cake and felt confident that she could deliver the task at hand based upon what I’ve been told.
Fast forward …..
FMIL tells me that she has not ordered my cake stand or anything for my cake. And she tells me this a month ago. Like really??? She asked me for a photo of a cake stand that I wanted. I provided her a photo of the cake stand year ago. And she’s telling me this…..like a month prior to the wedding that she hasn’t ordered it? Like WTH? Out comes bridezilla! LOL…. Its now 2wks prior to my wedding and FMIL had initially started practicing making my wedding cake made out of fondant. The first trial cake she made was not so good. It was 3tiers and each tier was falling apart and crumbling to pieces because of the weight of each tier. There was no support for it. Each tier didn’t stand a chance of survival. I also provided her with a photo of the cake design I want, and the cake she made did not look close to the photo. Did I also mention that it was also made from Duncan Hines cake mix??? Hey I’ve done my homework with all of this, and read that wedding cake made out of regular store box cake mix can be achived. But I don’t know what happened to this particular one.
So I tell FI to tell her that she shouldn’t worry about making the cake and that we will go ahead and buy one. FI then responds back to me and says I am ungrateful and rude because the cake she made look like crap. So blah blah blah, big fight right..
It’s not that I am ungrateful, afterall, I did ask her a over a year ago to do the cake. I am just not happy of the fact that she has not even ordered anything like cake stand and cake separator plates within a reasonable time and to make things worse FI and I drove to each Kitchen Specialty Shop to look for it. I’m irritated because its the principal of the fact. A year goes by and nothing? Why did FMIL wait soo long to do things? Why was things not ordered and done then?
With that said, I don’t feel confident that she is able to pull off my fondant wedding cake even with the pictures provided. I cannot risk a home-made cake falling to peices during my reception. I just simply wont put myself through that. I keep telling FI to tell her to stop doing trial runs of the cake, but he says that she really wants to make this cake for me as a gift. Like wow! I feel so bad but at the same time I am not happy with how everything is going.
The diffcult part is that I have to tell her myself. I am well aware that I will hurt her feelings but it’s my wedding. I truly appreciate her attempts to make me happy but at the same time I know in my heart that this is a recipe for disaster. I am a pretty simple person. I wasn’t a bridezilla till this whole wedding cake issue started. But like I said I can’t be happy with a free, broke down cake either.
Post # 3
Honesty, I think that your best course of action is to suck it up and ask her to do her speciality buttercream cake.
That way you’ll have a nice cake that doesn’t fall apart, less stress and a happy FMIL + family. I know it’s not exactly what you want but I think that in the long run it will make everyone happier.
Post # 4
I agree with PP, it’s a little late in the program to get out without massive fall-out.But maybe her specialty would get a better result?
The only other thing – maybe have a sheet cake out the back that can be served so that if your MIL’s cake doesn’t pan out, there’s a back up?
Post # 5
@elliemay20: Could you maybe ask her to make a groom cake instead? Tell her that you really appreciate her efforts, but you are really worried about how things are going to turn out, BUT you have a great idea for a groom cake and would love it if she could do it for your FI and yourself.
EDIT: Or maybe get her to make the cake, but ask a professional to decorate instead? Tell her that the style you want is complicated and you don’t want her to have so much stress on her shoulders when you want her to be enjoying this time before the wedding with everyone.
Post # 6
@Cariad: I agree, ask her to make a buttercream groom’s cake, tell her FI really wants flavor X and could she please do that? Find somewhere NOW to make a regular tiered cake.
Post # 7
I agree with PPs. Tell her you’ve found a deal you can’t pass up on your wedding cake but you’d love for her to make a special groom’s cake, if you tell her it’s a surprise for her son and you want her input in designing something meaningful to him she may be thrilled with the change.
If that doesn’t work I’d buy one of those 3 level cake stands so she can just make 3 separate cakes and not worry about stacking them. If she’s never done fondant I’d stick with a very simple buttercream and just ask your florist to decorate it with flowers.
Post # 8
Definitely ask her to make a buttercream grooms cake. Takes some of the pressure off her (& less stress for you) and she can still be involved.
Post # 9
Yeah, go for the buttercream and then let go of the cake. Like literally stop worrying about it, stop going to cake specialty stores, stop thinking about it. She said she’d make the cake, she wants to make the cake, you ASKED her to make the cake — let her make the cake. All the components you mentioned can be ordered very quickly. Don’t worry about it.
Post # 10
I would do one of two things:
1. Ask her to make a groom’s cake instead. You can tell her that you want it in buttercream. That way the rational is that you don’t want to ask her to do 2 cakes since it’s a lot, but because she is so good with buttercream you’d rather her do the groom’s cake. Plus it would probably mean more to your FI, her son, if his mom made his cake. Then you can have a professional baker just take care of the wedding cake with fondant since they know how to work with it. I’m sure she knows the trail cake didn’t turn out very well and might be relieved to be able to do something else.
2. Suck it up and let her do the cake but with buttercream since that’s what she knows how to work with.
Post # 11
Since you already said she could make the cake, I think you have to stick with it. There’s no way to gracefully bow out this late in the game. In the long run, is it better that you have a perfect cake or that you have a good relationship wtih your MIL?
Post # 12
@elliemay20: I would just ask her to make whatever cake she can. If she is not a professional baker I dont think you can ask her to make a cake she is not familiar with. It might not be exactly what you want but its the tought that counts, your FMIL has offered to make this for you and her son, there is no way you can not accept it.
Post # 13
Good, tasty fondant cakes are extremely difficult to make at home unless you’ve been trained in using fondant. The only fondant cake I ever thought tasted good was made by a woman who did nothing but fondant cakes for 10+years…and the cake was quoted at $1500. Fondant looks awesome, but even some professional fondant cakes taste like crap. And homemade fondant — aka, usually fondant bought at a craft store, is typically heavy, and unedible. And you’d be better off having a beautiful, tasty buttercream cake.
If you are dead set on having the fondant cake, I would tell your FMIL that you have your heart set on a fondant cake, but know that fondant is something that needs to be done by the professionals, and that you appreciate her effort. I think her doing a grooms cake is a fantastic idea.
I’ve been making cakes for 5 years, and I’m doing a buttercream cake for my sister’s wedding in August 2013. I’ve been taking classes since she got engaged in May 2012 in order to hone my skills and make sure that I 100% have it down. If I don’t feel comfortable enough by next May, I will tell her to order one. If your FMIL was set on making you your dream cake, she should have been in fondant classes a year ago.
Post # 14
I agree with the PPs. Ask her to do the groom’s buttercream cake and then figure out what to do other wise. Look at it this way- she is TELLING you that she is not familiar with that cake and cannot make it. Now, she could have tried to make it and failed miserably and then you would have been devastated. So the fact that she is telling you upfront deserves a lot of respect.
The thing is- you already told her she could make the cake, so let her. Just let her make the cake, I’m sure she will do something absolutely BEAUTIFUL!
Post # 15
I agree with PP — ask her to do a buttercream groom’s cake instead. Or maybe she can make some cupcakes and you can reach out to a bakery to make a (small) fondant cake to accompany them that you and your FI can cut?
Post # 16
Remember that your wedding is much more important to you than it is to anybody else. Realistically, nobody is going to run out and buy cake stands, start practicing their cake baking, etc., a year in advance for someone else’s wedding. (Besides, people often change their minds and their plans several times before arrangements are settled – there’s a good argument that the smart thing to do is to wait until fairly close to the wedding when things are pretty well set, before investing the money and time in the cake stand et al.)
Be patient with your FMIL and realize that this is ultimately way less important than your overall relationship. Besides, fondant is nasty-tasting and buttercream is delicious … on this one, even if you “lose,” you actually win.