- 4 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
So one of my long-term male friends has a newish girlfriend. Backstory is they met online about a year ago, for the first 8 or so months it was pretty casual – he wasn’t sure how he felt about her (she seemed a bit needy/OTT from how he described her) and they both did overseas travel during that time so weren’t in the same city much. Anyway, the past 3 or so months they have gotten quite serious and seem very much in love judging by the mush on my facebook feed, yay for them, lol.
Our group has not had the opportunity to hang out with her much yet but she seems nice enough from the limited contacted I’ve had. We did feel he was not hanging out with us as much but I just put that down to the honeymoon phase (part of me did wonder if she didn’t like him having female friends though).
He recently asked if I could make a real effort to draw her out of her shell at future outings as she feels intimidated a bit by our group (no problem, I know what it’s like to be the new partner in a group, plus we are all 7-8 years older than her. I was already thinking about having them and a few others over for a small dinner party to try and chat to her more.) I mention to him that another mutual (female) friend (we’ll call her Jane) of ours is a bit hurt that he doesn’t contact/reply to her much anymore and that he might want to consider that. The truth comes out that his girlfriend found (I assume went snooping) an old facebook conversation between him and this female friend during the earlier stages of their dating where he was being ‘a bit of a jerk’ and saying some not so complimentary stuff about her. Jane, who barely knew the girl at this stage, was ‘encouraging’ him apparently. This caused a massive fight between them. The short of it is she seems to have forgiven him but wants nothing to do with Jane and refuses on most occasions to go to stuff that she is at. I’m not allowed to say anything to Jane (who is one of my bridesmaids). I’m also not willing though to exclude her from stuff like this dinner because this girl can forgive her boyfriend but not some acquaintance who was just agreeing with him! I’ve suggested to him that he needs to keep talking to his girlfriend about this as this situation cannot continue but he says she won’t budge for the moment and it’s stressing him out. I get that she’s hurt but can’t she just be civil to Jane..there are people in our extended group that I am not a big fan of and who have hurt me in the past but I can at least be civil and don’t refuse to be at events they are present out. I wish he hadn’t have told me as I really can’t be done dealing with this high school type drama.
Short version – Don’t go snooping!