Post # 1
Some of you know that I’ve been TTC for almost a decade now. It’s defined who I’ve become and sometimes it’s a bigger letdown than I ever bargained for.
Christmas is my fav time of year. I go all out and each year I’m hopeful that NEXT Christmas I’ll have a LO to share it with. Normally I get through it ok but this year has been extremely emotional with all the pregnancy announcements.
1) Couple has a 1 yo and the DH apparently was cheating with their neighbor. It was all over FB and got to be ridiculous. She came to see me at work, told me what had happened, then says “I’m 5 weeks PG and I wanted to tell you in person.” I love this girl like a sister but it’s so hard to see her on FB already putting the nursery together…she found out about the affair days before her BFP.
2) Couple has a 5 mo, she was BFing and thought she couldn’t get PG. Turns out she did. Apparently not too happy that they are having another one so soon.
3) My cousin is the same age as me (37) and has 4 kids with her 2 exHs. Both exHs have majority custody of the kids as she abandoned them all. Got herself PG by a 21 yo guy…who is now out of the picture. Now she’s gotta figure out to actually raise this one.
4) Our good friends had an “oopsie” 2nd baby over a year ago. He recently decided to leave overseas as his wife had enough of being away from family. Got a decent job and they’ve been home a couple of weeks. He called DH yesterday and told him they are 3 months along with #3. They’ll have 3 kids under the age of 4. He said he wouldn’t have left and taken the new job if he’d known about the new baby…they are/were having financial problems.
I was attempting to deal with the first 3 as I heard about them in a matter of days and was doing well. The last one caused to me to wake up crying about what a failure I feel like. It doesn’t help that NONE of these people are actually excited about another baby…what a horrible thing…I wish they knew what a BLESSING it is for them.
We’ve done IVF 2x and both times my eggs didn’t grow after the retrieval. The RE had never had this happen. We had genetic testing done and they can’t find any reason this is happening. No answers which makes it hard. If they could figure out something, I feel it’d be easier to move on.
We’ve talked about IVF #3. DH thinks we need to try again. I’m on the fence…I just don’t know what is going to be my breaking point and I’m afraid of getting there.
So I’m just venting on here…trying to be strong and hopeful but geez, I just want a break. Crap! Just cried all over the keyboard.
Post # 3
Aaah, Hon… ((((( GREAT BIG HUGS ))))) to you
You have this old gal crying all over the keyboard too.
I have no words, cause I know that there is little I can do to make this right… altho I’d LOVE to.
I am going to send my *Prayers*, ~~Good Vibes~~ and more (( HUGS )) your way and hope that a miracle comes into your life for 2014
Cause you sound like such an AMAZING person and certainly deserve it…
Be it God, Karma, Your Guardian Angel, Santa or the Stork that delivers… I don’t care.
There has to be a way that the planets align and you get your wish !!
Post # 4
I am sending you my positive thoughts and I really hope that this year you get your wish! I am sure everything will work out for you! Don’t get discouraged!
Post # 6
I just stumbled across your post whilst looking around the different sections of the site for the first time, and it has brought a tear to my eye.
You sound like such a good person and I can imagine that feeling of injustice at your friends and family getting pregnant and not really appreciating the miracle of it, whilst it has been your dream for years. (I’m not quite engaged yet and so don’t pretend to have experienced this feeling over something so important, but my heart goes out to you).
I really pray that you get your Christmas wish of a LO to share your lives with. I second everything that SnoopDog and This Time Round have said. I am sending good wishes and vibes, and very much hope that a little miracle happens for you this Christmas.
Post # 7
@texasbee: wow. I can’t imagine how hard this has been for you. To try for so long and hit a roadblock that even your doctor can’t explain…while at the same time seeing others get exactly what you’ve dreamed of but not really wanting it – it would be heartbreaking. My heart goes out to you.
I think, about trying IVF again, that you’ll have to think about how you’ll feel both if you do and don’t try it. If you do, and it’s not successful, how does that compare to not having tried again and always wondering if it would have worked? That’s what I would be trying to decide, if it were me having to make that call.
Wishing you strength.
Post # 8
I am really sorry you are going through this and hope you get what you want SOON!
i feel really bad for woman #1 though…it would be damn difficult to be excited about a pregnancy in that situation!
Post # 9
@blushpinkbride: I had that same thought. That’s a rotten situation.
Post # 10
@texasbee: Big hugs and best wishes to you- I’m sorry you are having such a difficult time:(
Post # 11
@This Time Round: Awww…thank you! I’m a big believer in karma so even though I get down about this infertility thing, I still try to find the positives in life. Other than no kids, I have a very blessed life.
@LearCat23: Welcome to the bee! This site is full of women that really look out for each other.
@IAmTheShadow: I’m pretty sure we’ll try IVF again…I just need to get back all that strength again. DH and I can afford it but it’s the emotional costs that are the highest.
@blushpinkbride: Yes I feel really bad for my friend. Honestly, I never would have thought that HER DH would cheat…but apparently, he’s been caught emotionally cheating before. She’s super young but smart and I know she’s a great mom so I’m not too worried about her.
Post # 12
@texasbee: I am so sorry. This time of year can either magnify happiness and joy or magnify grief and saddness so I feel for you and what your going through. When was your last IVF? Have you looked into Mini IVF. It has helped women who don’t resoond well to conventional IVF and it is much cheaper.
Have you guys discussed other ways of becoming parents? If it is in your heart to be a Mother, nothing can stop you! How do you feel about becoming parents through donor eggs, embryo adoption or regular adoption? I think what keeps me going in knowing that I WILL be a mom one day, one way or another. Hang in there.
Post # 13
@texasbee: Life just isn’t fair, but don’t give up! My neighbor did 5 rounds of IVF and on the the fifth round got pregnant with twins! Sending positive thoughts your way!
Post # 14
@texasbee: I’m so sorry 🙁 after poor egg quality we moved into donor eggs and finally has success ( after 2 failures) with twins born in July. Not sure if that’s something you’d consider, it’s a tough point to come to. Wishing you all the best, hang in there!
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
I am sorry hun. The holidays can really be tough when there seem to be adorable kids and happy families in every corner. I’m not TTC, but I get it. Is adoption an option for you two in case this next round doesn’t work?
Post # 16
I just wanted to send hugs. I’m sorry dear. I can totally understand how the holidays are hard. We struggled for a year and last Christmas was about the 6m mark where I started questioning what was going on and was sad and frustrated then we got 2 pregnancy annocementd at once from both DHs siblings. I hope you still have a nice Christmas and get your lo sooner rather then later. Hugs.