(Closed) VENT: How do YOU get things done (with out without your SO/FI/DH)

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3983 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Leave without him. I get why you like taking the train together, but if getting to work on time is important to you, go without him.

Then on the train, you can listen to music, read, etc 🙂

Post # 4
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

I would start leaving without him. If he values the time on the train together as much as you do, then hopefully he’ll get his act together and leave earlier with you. If not, you need to be on time for work. Not sure what kind of job you have, but tardiness could come up in evaluations or when being considered for promotions. He’s not being very considerate.

Post # 6
Member
3983 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@1stRosie:  i know with things like errands and wedding plans, I need to give FI a deadline. If I ask him to make plane reservations, he’ll say sure and it will be 2 days before we leave and we have no tickets. If I ask him to get tickets by x date, he will do it. I also put reminders in his phone – they beep and can be set every day.

I also give him a deadline of about a week before it would make me crazy that it’s not done. That way if he doesn’t do it, I have time to nag and get it done

Post # 7
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@1stRosie:  then decide. Are you going to give in to his whining about time together to the train at the expense of embarrassment at work, or are you going to get into work on time? How about this: if he’s not ready to leave on time, then just leave. If he wants time with you, then he should get his ass ready on time.

 

I used to walk to school with my brother until he started leaving later and later. As much as I enjoyed walking to school with him, I wasn’t willing to arrive in school right as the bell for homeroom goes, so I started leaving without him.

 

Post # 9
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

It seems like you’re not going to be able to get him to change, and you need to start going by yourself to work. I feel you on the other stuff. My SO’s sense of tidiness is not the same as mine and no amount of reminding or nagging will get him to change. If I specifically ask him to clean up and he can at that very moment, he will. But if I ask him to do something he can’t do right then, like clean his part of the office, it ight be months. I have just come to accept this about him. He is not doing it to spite me or ignore me, and it really has nothing to do with me. I think I have gotten him to be a little neater, but most of it is me letting go of trying to make him be a certain way.

Post # 10
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@1stRosie:  LOL I just got done posting a thread similar to this not an hour ago.  Basically, if I want something done or want my boyfriend to do something, I just do it myself.

 

If there is something he doesnt want to do, he’ll just make excuses or put it off and next thing you know I’ve done it already.  That is starting to come back to bite me in the ass, as alot of stuff that doesnt have to be my responsibility now is.

 

So, I dont have really any advice other than to choose your battles: if it’s stupid and little (like a cleaning task), I’d just do it myself…but if it’s something more serious and more his issue, make him do it. That’s what i’m trying to do.

Post # 11
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Maybe try getting up a half hour earlier together and see if that works.

My husband and I have a task chart we keep on the fridge. We each have a set of things to do each day/each week. SOunds super childish but it works! It was a big problem when we first moved in together, because he was extremely messy and it drove me up the wall. Now we treat ourselves each week if we get everything done, like with a dinner together.

Post # 14
Member
9143 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I would be concerned you might lose your job and he probably wouldn’t be happy about that.  Leave earlier on your own.  It’s his responsibility to be an adult and leave earlier.  Making you late is irresponsible of him (and you) plus it shows that while he values his time with you, he has no respect for your work or life outside of the relationship.

Post # 15
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

So what if he whines – if your time together really means that much to him, he’ll make the effort to get his rear in gear at the right time once he realizes you mean business.  Your reputation at work is important, and he has to realize you have a stricter start time than he does.

 

My FI and I also take the same bus to work, and we almost never miss the bus I want to take (leaving at 7:22; the next one leaves at 7:37).  However, that’s because I have my alarm set for frightfully early because I KNOW how slow he is in the morning.  I could wake up about a half-hour later and still catch the bus; he absolutely needs that extra time.  

 

FI and I also agree on deadlines for tasks he needs to complete – it really pisses him off when I nag him, so we decide together that he has to do X by Y time or else it’s open season for nagging.  There were a couple of hiccups at first (like him thinking he just had to START the task by the deadline instead of having it DONE), but it works great now.

 

My parents said that when I was a kid, I was OK with pretty much anything as long as I had advance warning.  I find that the same is true for my FI – “Sweetie, remember that we’re going grocery shopping as soon as we get home from work tomorrow” followed by “Remember, we’re going grocery shopping this afternoon after work” followed by “See you on the bus, baby – don’t forget about grocery shopping!”  The same is true for chores around the house, etc.  Good grief, I even have a white-board calendar mounted on our pantry door in full view, so he can’t say that something snuck up on him.  It really does help.

Post # 16
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I honestly don’t know how you put up with that shit. I hate creating that whole dynamic of Parent/Child in a relationship which is basically what it becomes.

I think setting deadlines or a set time for cleaning that you both agree on.

As for the whole train thing frankly it’s beyond ridiculous. You need to get yourself out of the house on time, when he tells you that he misses the time together either schedule another time of day to have time together, or tell him to step up and get ready in time.

Consequences for behavior I think are basic things learned in childhood and if he know you aren’t going to wait for him he will push himself ot get ready in time.

I think have conversations serious conversations and telling him how upset it makes you. I think a lot of these little things like have the responsibility for household solely on shoulders can easily snowball and grow into something bigger, and cause a lot of resentment.

 

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