Post # 1
So my FI and I are having trouble compromising on how to sleep in the bed. Yes, you read that right. He has a ton of annoying habits in bed which include laying upside down, snoring, being sensitive to sound (he wears ear plugs), sweating at night, and disheveling the covers beyond recognition.
This last one is my MAIN pet peeve. I make the bed every morning (and insist that he does too if he gets out of bed last). When I make it, I tuck the sheet under the matress at the bottom and spread the duvet evenly across the bed. When he gets in the bed at night, he untucks the sheet at the bottom, pushes the sheet and duvet to the side, and basically messes up the cover as much as he possibly can. Not only does this cause the cover to fall almost completely off the bed (on my side) at night, it makes it unecessarily difficult to re-make the bed in the morning.
I REALLY NEEDED to vent cause this is stressing me out. I’ve tried overlooking this for 3 years, but I can’t anymore. I don’t know what compromise we’re going to come to here, especially when I feel emphaticaly that my way is the right way. Ha! I’ve convinced him that since I let him run the AC all night which causes me to freeze, that he should try not to toss the covers around so much. He still does it though…says it’s comfortable for him. But I hate it! :/
Any other bees struggling with this?!
Post # 3
Well there is nothing wrong with separate beds or even bedrooms! Apparently this is a trend that is catching on. I recently started sleeping in the guest bedroom because FH always has the windows closed in our bedroom and it’s either freezing because of the AC or broiling hot because of the heater. I NEED fresh air to sleep! I feel like I can’t breathe when the windows are shut all the time. After 3 years I said no more and moved to the guest bedroom. FH is free to “visit my tepee” anytime he wants and when we actually have guests I do move back to “our” bedroom until they leave. FH wasn’t so hot on the idea but I was getting sleep deprived so I did what I had to and I am sleeping SO much better now! Sleep is important!
Post # 4
When I first read your post, I thought… new roommates / newlyweds… and was going to just post… give it time, it’ll work itself out (be a non issue by year-end)
BUT at the 3 Year Mark, I’d have to say, you’ve probably each given it a good try… and well quite frankly MEN DON’T CHANGE (when it comes to most issues) … it is what it is… you either accept them as they are or move on
To be honest Tatsinda: makes a good point, there is absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping apart… perhaps a bit unusual for North America (in the 21st Century), but not unheard of here, or elsewhere in the world
Sleep deprevation is a serious issue… and it sounds like your sleep is being severely compromised. So I think sleeping apart is something you should consider as at least another option.
Post # 5
When my SO and I share a bed there is a constant tug of war for the covers, I wake up sore from tugging in my sleep. We both just graduated college (aka we’re dirt poor) and moved in together. We can’t afford to buy a queen bed so we have both of our twins in the bedroom in an L shape because mine’s a daybed. Honestly I like having my own bed for a few reasons: 1we are both sprawlers when we sleep 2 we don’t wake each other up if we get up in the night or early in the morning 3 I’m still healing a back injury and my support needs are very different from his 4 I like way more covers than he does. The only real drawback is we can’t cuddle until we fall asleep, but then he falls asleep way faster than me a twitches in his sleep which keeps me from falling alseep, so that’s not a huge loss.
Post # 6
@Tatsinda: I’m serioulsy thinking about pulling the “it’s MY bed so go sleep on the futon in the guest room or on the couch” card. Trying not to be mean but he’s pushing me to the limit!
He doesn’t like the idea of sleeping apart either.
Post # 7
I understand that you’re trying to get him to see your side, but if his comfort is an obstacle (I have to be honest, I’d find your way uncomfortable too), have you tried meeting him half way? Find a less labor-intensive way to make the bed, maybe without tucking in the sheet? That way you can easily re-make it without feeling like all your hard work gets undone, and he doesn’t have to feel frustrated about finding it uncomfortable.
I know this is not what you want to hear, but you might have to consider that his reason for not doing things your way might not be something he can change, but you can always try to compromise and meet half-way on both the bedding and the AC.
Post # 8
Seperate beds or bedrooms might solve the problem. You could always do the “I love Lucy” bed arrangement but an updated version. That way you can be seperate while together.
Post # 9
@Taeyers: I have been compromising for 3 years but I’m not sure I can keep it up. The reason I tuck the sheet under is so when he dishevels the cover it won’t completely fall onto the floor b/c there’s something holding it. If he wasn’t so wild I wouldn’t have to tuck it at all! *sigh*
Post # 10
OMG i’m reading my own thoughts right now!
He does this thing I call the crocodile roll. I too was taught the “hospital corner” tucking of the sheets. For what ever reason as soon as he gets into the bed the rolling begins. I wake up with the damn sheet wrapped around my neck. why I’ll never understand. Men dont usually do the sheet thing a comforter is usually enough. It doesnt help that he’s about a hundred degrees hotter than I am. I am more fortuate though since he works midnights and I get the bed to myself. I really only suffer on the weekend. It sucks , the only thing I can think of is getting a bigger bed.
Post # 11
@Ill Be Mrs B: Interesting! Is that 2 fulls?
We don’t have enough space for that right now though…so the challenge will be figuring out a compromise in the meantime.
Post # 12
@BelleriverBride: Lmao… the “crocodile roll” and this –> “I wake up with the damn sheet wrapped around my neck.” …made my night!
Post # 13
When my FI and I first started sharing a bed, I drew an imaginary line down the middle. I showed him where it was and freaked if so much as his toe came over. LOL, I used to wake him up and tell him to move his toe. He thought I was crazy, but my space being invaded irritated the crap out of me. He calls me the princess and the pea, because I can feel a single grain of sand, or if the blankets and sheets get the slightest bit crooked. I can’t help it, this stuff wakes me up. I make my guest room bed with hospital.corners, but I can’t stand my own sheets tucked in. The first thing I do at a hotel is untuck the sheets. I’m no peach to sleep with either, I have restless legs, and toss and turn a lot. I just manage not to mess up the covers. I’m not sure when or how it happened, but we have managed to learn to sleep together. But every now and then one of us ends up on the couch. I do know a duvet is usually really heavy, and he may have an issue with feeling confined. Maybe if you get a lighter blanket and untuck the sheets, things will get better. it’s worth a shot anyway. Good luck finding a solution.
Post # 14
@Reign14: Could you possibly get a different bed with a footrest so the covers don’t completely slde off (they have something to catch on?)
FH and I just have separate covers so we can each be comfortable. I can’t stand sharing covers as I am a super light sleeper. Then I wised up and got matching duvets for each twin sized cover so they match and when you make the bed, due to the pattern, you really can’t tell its two duvets. We have a queen size bed, so each person having twin sized blanket works perfectly. But I think if the blankets were any bigger they would slide off the bed more often.
Post # 15
@Reign14: Why doesn’t he sleep ON TOP of the covers with his own blanket to toss around?
Post # 16
I absolutely hate having the covers tucked in to the mattress & will always totally untuck them.
I remember a few years ago a friend who I admire very much told me something that I carry ino my relationships. Just because I am neater does not mean I am right. She and her husband constantly argued about his dirty clothes on the floor. She had an epiphany & realized tht just because you think you’re right doesn’t mean the other person doesn’t feel he is right. And just because you think covers tucked in is right because it’s neater, doesn’t make you right. It’s very obvious but being able to recognize it and put it into play is another thing.
Im not sure how you can be so mad at him when this is his sleep behavior. I doubt he’s waking up and turning himself all around. Or is he????