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Oh dear... I know how it feels to not be taken seriously or assumed to be much younger based on your appearance. I am extremely petite and also have a younger looking face, and it has only been within the last year or two that I have noticed that most people do regard me as an adult these days (I turned 25 last spring). I even had someone tell me recently that he had thought me to be in my LATE 20's... it made my day!!
I applaud you for having the guts to tell the bridal salon lady that you didn't prefer the word "cute," good for you!! Keep doing things like that. The more confidence you have, the more people will understand and correctly assume that you are a mature adult, and deserve to be treated as such. And if people say stupid things like they did at the dentist, don't be afraid to keep correcting them.
It's not that unusual to get married at 21. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're so far from the norm to be making that choice. Ask people our age if their parents know anyone who got married back when they were 18-20. They likely do.
Anyway, even though you can't help but be self-conscious about your young-looking appearance, try not to be. The less you worry about it, the more confidence people will see in you! :)
i get that too, not as much as you
I'm almost 24 and still get asked how the school holidays are going sometimes! Awkward silence when I say I have finished 5 years of uni lol
Lots of 'adults' still treat me as a kid. It's like my opinion means less because I'm younger than them (they're like 40plus) most of these people know me and have done for a while, move with the times people I'm not 14 now
Its not just you... I'll be 25 next month and people come to the door and ask to speak to my parents, etc. Two days before our wedding FI and I were at Sam's Club buying out the store basically for the weekend festivities and when she got to our alcohol she asked for ID so I pulled mine out and first she told me "well I need the ID of the person paying" I laughed and handed mine to her anyways then she started flippin out in front of other customers that there was no way I was 25 and no way my ID was real.. Took us 20 minutes to get things straightened out. Moral of the story tho- People are foolish and you can't let them get inside your head. Just keep speaking up for yourself.
Yeahh I get it too. I'm 5'0 and 21. The one day H and I were at the mall and went into Spensers. Mind you, H is 2 months younger than me and at the time I was 20 and he was 19, but we both look very young. The sales person asked if we "knew the rules there" we told him no, and he explained we had to be 18 to buy anything. So I asked him how old he thought we were, he thought I was 15 and H was 17. Urgh. Just gotta roll with the punches.
I hear ya! I dont think my face looks that young, but I am 5 foot nothing and turning 23 next month. I dont get too many comments thankfully, but I know how annying they are. It makes me laugh when I meet new people and then tell them my age because they think I am older due to my personality!
The worst is when people are like 'ohhhh your so short!' or 'wow' your really short' (insert arm leaning on head) and im like THANKS for telling me, because for the 23 years ive been alive, I ACTUALLY HADNT NOTICED!! Dumb asses. lol. Its the worst when tweens/teenagers do it, as they are getting around to my height/taller.
Just remember that these people dont know you, and dont really have teh rightto affect your life or how you feel that day in any way!
you are just fine the way you are, and you have a loving fiance to prove it!
I don't look young and I had a lot of sales people tell me dresses were cute.
I think some people just don't have a very diverse vocabulary. :)
I feel your pain! When I was graduating college, I mentioned "graduating next week" to a customer at the store I was working in, and they asked me which high school I went to.
But now that I'm 27, I don't mind it as much. I see the big 3-0 creeping up and I want to look younger now!
The only thing I don't like is that some people think someone that looks young is niave and/or unexperienced.
My sister was actually pulled over by a police officer because he thought she wasn't old enough to drive. She was almost 18 and he thought she was 12 or 13. Now at 25 and being a teacher, it's still a problem for her with parents even though she has her Masters. It's a problem for me sometimes and I'm nearly 31. Now, I laugh when someone thinks I'm 23.
I'm sorry, I'm giggling so hard right now because I was right where you are when I was 21. I HATED being called young/cute when I was that age. Like you, I was always being mistaken for being 16 or 17, or worse....thinking I was the youngest sister when infact I'm the oldest. lol
Now, let me just say this will TOTALLY pay off for you! When I got married I was 4 days shy of my 28th birthday. Several days before the wedding, I went to Ulta to get some wedding makeup and got into a conversation with an attendent and ofcourse it turned towards the wedding. She was appalled that I was getting married so young, wasting my youth, blah blah blah. I just set there and let her spit out her word vomit and finally she stopped and actually asked me how old I was. She was SHOCKED to find out I was 28. She thought I was 20. I spent the rest of the day grinning like an idiot and being so happy that I could pass for 20.
Just stick it out for a few more years. You will be so happy that you naturally look young!
Ohh I feel your troubles! I never liked hanging out with people my age and was always friends with people an average age of 5 years older than me. Marrying a man 4 years older than me is no surprise! Older men are more mature. (Sometimes! Heehee).
People in Switzerland where I live think it's insane to get married at 23 instead of mid thirties, but I'm doing it! I feel like I'm always apologizing for how young I am when they are shocked. People just can't get over one's maturity sometimes!
I hope the dress you picked out was pretty and not cute and that you get the right response on your wedding day. I'm sure you'll be beautiful! :)
I get that a lot too. I am a teacher in a high school and I get stopped in the hallway for passes or sent back to class. Nope, sorry. I work here.
In five years, you will love that people think you look young! Everyone on your wedding day will know your age and know your wedding dress isn't "cute" like dress up but know that you look drop dead gorgeous.
Take a deep breath and enjoy your engagement!
OH and the woman at the bridal salon thought MY MOTHER was there to try on dresses rather than me. Then they replied "Oh sorry, you don't look old enough to be engaged!" I was like wow the subtelties of that apology are just great.
It does get a little better but I'm 29 and have a PhD and people immediately address me as an undergrad. The scientist uniform is basically jeans and a tshirt but I've tried to dress a bit more put together because I've noticed it at least makes people hesitate before addressing me like an undergrad. But when they say 'oh this must be hard on you working in a lab all summer, when do your classes start back up' I just laugh and say 'all done with classes and yes, missing summers has been hard for the past 8 years'.
Don't worry about what random stranger say - EVERYONE has to deal with people making ridiculous comments.
"My you're young!" to young brides
"Is this your FIRST marriage?" to older brides
"Are you going to lose weight?" to heavier brides
"You're skin and bones! Eat something!" To thin brides
My point is regardless of your situation, there are rude people and people who speak without thinking everywhere, don't let their ignorance get to you.
Just smile gracefully, correct them if necessary and mentally roll your eyes at them when they walk away.
I can see how that's very annoying. But, I also find that when you dress professionally (above your age, really), people let it go. When i wear a college t-shirt and shorts, people ask me about college and "wow you're newly graduated, how awesome!" before i say I've actually been in the workforce for over 2 years. When i want really good service, i wear a nice blouse and dress pants. I don't know why, but it works every time. I got treated WAY BETTER shopping for wedding dresses after work than I did on the weekends. There is a reason. Mind you, i'm nearly 6 feet tall and I'm 24, but still. It's the difference between looking "early 20's" and "late 20's". In a few more years you will be grateful, and as far as "cute" goes, well, shoot, i still get called cute on occassion. It probably only bothers you because you are short. Because I'm tall and I get called cute and don't think twice. Like daydreamwanderer said, I think some people just have a limited vocabulary.
Really, you do sound kind of desperate to be an adult and twenty just isn't an adult to most people. Also ironically, this post just sounds very immature. You're cute and young-enjoy it because you are going to blink and be 35. Be thankful you don't have some horrible birthmark on your face or look twenty years older than you actually are. maybe you should request that people call you Ma'am when speaking to you. I'm 33 and stil prefer young lady and miss but to each their own.
Ladies, you are going to die laughing. I am 28 and I STILL get carded for R rated movies!! My BF thinks it's hilarious I just think its annoying, I mean come on dont I at least look 18!!
I know exactly how you feel I am 5'2" and I look like I am 17. (I am 23.) I get "cute" all the time and it really gets annoying.
Don't feel bad about being 21 when you are married. My parents got married a few months after my mom turned 21, and they just celebrated their 34th anniversary in May.
Thank you for all of your sweet comments and advice!!!
@littlemissmango: I bet that felt awesome to get late 20s! Isn't that funny that us younger looking ladies want to get that?
@foxi, @abbyful and @troubled: I completely understand on that one! I get asked questions that seem to be implying they think I am in high school still. I get asked what grade I am in all the time, then they are shocked to hear a junior in college!
@lpcutipie: With 21 two months away (yay), I definitely think that people will not believe me when I try and buy alcohol. That's when it's the worst! You have proof and then they still don't believe you! I agree, speaking up for myself is probably the best way to handle the situation.
@Miss Hunky: I have had similar situations too! I agree with you that you just have to roll with the punches sometimes.
@hesmywatermelon: I am 5'2", so I get the short thing ALL the time as well. It's funny that people think they are doing us some kind of service by reminding us of something we are very aware with!
@daydreamwanderer: It is relieving to hear that someone else got "cute" while trying on wedding dresses.
@TheFutuerMcBride: I see this being a problem for me too. I am an Elementary Education major and through my times observing classrooms, I get from other teachers and room helpers that I don't look old enough to be in college. So, I kind of hope by the time I am teaching parents will take me seriously...
@JsDragonfly: I can't wait to be older and pass for a younger person! However, it is not very convenient at the moment. I am waiting for it to be!
@diamondscan: Thank you so much! Good luck with your wedding planning! Oh, and yes, older men are more mature IMO!
@afuturemrsl: I actually went to a bridal show and they thought my step mother was the bride, and wait for this... I was the junior bridesmaid! When the person said that, all I could do was laugh about it. Then, when I went to try on dresses, they thought I was looking for prom dresses. Glad to know I am not the only one who has had a similar experience with that!!!
@troubled: LOL! I love your comeback!
@camrie: I definitely agree with what you said. Everyone takes criticism about getting married, for some reason people just like to let their personal attacks fly when they know we are so happy/stressed about planning our weddings!
@ejs4y8: I have noticed that if I too dress more professionally the comments fade away.
@blind9449: It's good to hear someone else is in a similar situation as me!
@flamingred: I am sorry my post came across as immature and desperate. I am the furthest thing from immature, and frankly, have never been associated in any way with that word. Maybe the the desperate part is a little true, but only because the comments really begin to wear on you after a long time. When planning a wedding, the last thing you want to hear are people doubting you or your age. I have been hearing I look so much younger than my actual age for years that it has become a problem for me to be taken seriously to people. Whether I am 20 or 45 I should be treated like the adult I am, whether or not people want to agree is their problem. I was just posting to vent a situation because I needed to get it off my chest and was looking for helpful comments from the wonderful Bees on here... I would honestly like to know what age is considered okay to complain that I look young?
@lolaj: LOL! I hear you on that one!
@LetsGoPens: I am 5'2" also, so I guess "cute" comes with the height?
You may be a very mature 20 year old, but when you are 25, I really truly doubt somebody calling you cute will be a bother. You'll have more important things to worry about, so just try to keep it all in perspective for now. If you want to appear older/more mature, you'll just have to act/dress it and fake it til you make it!
I'm so sorry you are going through this!! I will be 1 month shy of 24 at my wedding and people have commented about me getting married young and that I should live more and explore more etcetc. HELLO I have had other boyfriends, been single for a good period of time, gone to different countries, been independent, had several jobs, but people feel justified in saying these things. Dont let it get to you even though I know thats hard to do!! If it makes you feel any better when I was 21 I got hit on by a 16 year old who actually thought I was his age...now that was embarrassing yet hilarious!!
Hey, I got this all my life and I know it sucks! When I was about 24, I was on a dr's visit with no makeup and my hair pulled back, and the receptionist asked me "did I come alone and where's my mom". I'm 35 now, have a VP position at my company and whenever I'm in meetings with the bigwigs people for some reason assume I'm the administrative assistant *eyeroll*. But, it does have its perks! I know it doesn't mean much to you now what you'll like in your 50's; but I'm already beginning to enjoy it. I just got married to a 28 year old man and everyone assumes he's older than me. I could wear any wedding dress I wanted and pull it off, and never got the "mature bride" treatment. Check out this thread below :
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/turning-35-on-friday-and-a-little-sad
Just remember that it is an advantage lots of people would love to have, even when it doesn't seem like it!
@OP-I'm 33 and people still think I'm 20. People ask for my mom when I open my own freaking door, I get carded and asked for back up, the lady at a make up counter (I forget which one) told me that when I turn 18 I can open up a credit card. I totally get you, but it doesn't go away and part of being mature is responding in a mature manner to dumbasses ( the dumbasses are the people who are treating you that way). And getting so upset over something so tiny in the world that is now our adult lives just isn't very mature IMO- and I mean that with the nicest of intentions to you. It's just not worth it and I'm telling you when you are 30 you are going to LOVE that people still think you're 18. So just save your stress for something that needs your attention, and enjoy it.
Your third point is right up my alley. People often think that my fiance is my brother. We are both fair skinned red heads in an area where a lot of people have dark hair and a tan. So we must be related, right? It's ANNOYING! Especially when it's girls who then try to flirt with FI.
I get that a lot too. I'm 23 and was recently asked by someone if I had just started junior high. I may look a few years younger, but I think that some people just tend to have a skewed view on age since children today are growing up-and looking it-too fast. I also agree that your saleswoman may just have had a limited vocabulary. I often find myself calling everything cute when shopping, even it's a sexy piece. I know it's hard, but try not to take it to heart too much!
I know the pain! I am 28 and work in a school as the marketing manager and I have some nasty teachers who keep asking me if I went to the school and just stayed on as an admin worker. Its like... no actually, I went to uni, did my post grad, then I worked for 4 years and then I came here!
I usually don't mind it in my every day life... having to show ID when I go out is definately a bit of an ego boost, but it is frustrating in a career sense as I am very good at my job and I constantly have to tell people my age and qualifications.
I know you ladies probably don't want to hear this but here goes anyway...
I had this issue almost my whole life. When people thought I was 12, I was 16. When they thought I was 16, I was 21. I got carded until I was well into my 30s. I was a a ballgame with an old boyfriend and the person next to him asked if his daughter was having fun (bf was 5 years older than I). I also had a vendor visit a store I was managing and he asked for the manager. I told him I was the manager, and he started laughing, and saying "please, go get him" like I was a five year old.
So, I really do understand, TOTALLY, where you are coming from.
Fast forward to now. I am 44. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to hear that I look much younger, but I hear it less and less often. And, I can't tell you how difficult every gray hair or line is. I don't consider myself a vain person at all, but it is difficult getting older and finally the looks may be catching up a bit. I know you all can't relate yet, but...aging sucks big time. Of course, the alternative isn't good, either!
It's been a long time since anyone called me cute. After all the years of hating it, I think I miss it a little. I know I can't tell you to "enjoy it while it lasts", because it won't mean anything to you right now. But, someday it will :)
Both of my parents look younger than they are, so I guess I just inherited it too. I'm 23... have been carded in my 20s at R-rated movies... as a college student, when I referred to "school" people assumed I meant high school... when I'm out with my teenage brother people think he's the older one.
In my teenage years it annoyed me, in my 20s it amuses me, and when I'm older I know I'll be THRILLED!
My mom and I have often been mistaken for sisters, but once she went to a function at my brother's school and some delusional person thought she was my brother's GRANDMA.
Oooooh boy, was she upset. (Now that I think back on it, it may have been Grandparent's Day... LOL... but still.) Much better to look younger than look older!!
Aww, I definitely feel for you! Try being a 27-year-old business owner who looks 20 and selling your services! I'm naturally blonde on top of it... I actually died my hair to look more my age :/
*hugs* Things are always hard - people say you're too old or too young... It's hard no matter what. :/
Thanks everyone. So sorry if I sounded rude or unappreciative to anyone! You all are so supportive and helpful!
I know that I will love that I look younger when I am older, just another case of the whole "curly haired girls want straight hair, and straight want curly..." or something similar? I am sure I am just stressed about other life things and guess there was more to my vent than just my age?
But a huge THANK YOU again to everyone, and I love reading everyone's post because it helps to know so many of you have been in the same position
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So... I really, really need to vent right now!
This I am sure will sound silly once I type it, or be dramatically too long, but here goes nothing:
I am so sick of either 1) people thinking I am not much older than 16 or 17... 2) Getting called cute- even while trying on wedding dresses!!! 3) People not thinking the ring, clearly on my left hand, means I am engaged, therefore ensuing an awkward comment
As for number one- I have struggled with this one for a long time... I have always been head and shoulders above others my age as far as my maturity level. I never wanted to play with other kids my age, always wanted to be with adults. But, I always am treated like a kid. Even now, at nearly 21- yes, I know I am not "old" by any definition, but I do feel that I should be treated as a 20 something year old woman. Not a "young lady" or whatever else people want to say. I have wasted so many years of my life being down about my looks, I just wish I looked older. Insert line here that I have also heard one to many times "you will appreciate it when you're old and you still look like you are in your 20s or early 30s". Yes, I know that when I am possibly sending my future children to college in my 50s, I will look younger... but I am not sure if it is really beneficial to endure all of the criticism and self doubt my young look has caused for many years. I feel like people take what causes me to be self conscious and rub it in my face, unknowingly.
Number 2: Wedding dress shopping, from what I expected, was supposed to be somewhat of an emotional experience... yes, mine was emotional... but in the way that I felt like I missed out on a wonderful experience. At the bridal salon I went to, the girls who worked there were busy and asked me to just pick out dresses and start trying them on with my step-mom's help (strike 1). Well, when one of the sales associates came up, I was in a gown that I thought was a little too over the top, and she said "oh how cute!", mind you that this girl I would expect is no more than 2-3 years older than me. I politely said, "I really don't like the word 'cute' for wedding dress shopping... I am going for a pretty." Well, the next dress got a "sexy" from the girl. Not exactly what I was hoping for, as it made things completely awkward and I was uncomfortable. But, it was better than "cute". When I finally found MY dress, she said "cute" once more, and I honestly became very annoyed by the comment. I want my flower girl and ring bearer, even my aisle decorations and centerpieces, to be cute... not me, the bride. Nevertheless, I bought my dress from there at a later date strictly because of the budget-friendly sale they were having, not because of the warm, friendly feeling they gave off.
And Thirdly, sorry if I am boring you guys! This is probably the cause for this vent post though- I went to an oral surgery consultation today. While in one of the rooms (my step mom and fiance both were there) the oral surgeon came in and said "oh, it's a family affair..." Then kept using words like "cool" and "fun" then described the possibility of doing something with a hole in my mouth to impress my parents and boyfriend... so I corrected by saying "FIANCE" but he kept the whole thing going. Soon after, a lady came in to discuss insurance and appointments and said at least 3 or 4 times, like she was reassuring herself "Well, You ARE 20, almost 21, so YOU CAN listen in on this," and "You ARE 20, so you CAN sign this". Oh and she also said, " you have the whole family here" which then made me realized they were thinking my FI is my brother probably. Seriously people?
So there you have it. Yes, I do look young for my age. Yes, I am getting married at the age of 21, FI 26. Yes, I do get offended when people assume they can treat you like a child. And YES, I am young and getting married, while I am in school! GASP! But, guess what? We will do just great with things, and no matter the age you get married, it is still a wonderful joining of two people who love each other and who want to spend the rest of their lives together. (This wasn't directed at any bees, I promise girls! Just the rest of the world...)