Vent – irritating situation re invitations and plus ones

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

She’s your FI’s friend so I would leave it up to him.  Personally, I would not want a drama queen like this at my wedding, but if it was important to my fiance and it was his friend, I’d suck it up and deal.  I feel your pain though – she sounds really annoying.

Post # 3
2173 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

If the boyfriend is invited  (you said he could come?), write back and tell her “As we mentioned x time ago, we are more than welcome to including your boyfriend.  Shall we mark you down as a yes?”

If not (or you don’t want her there any more): “We are sorry you will be unable to make it.”

Post # 4
2798 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I really dislike the “couples living together rule.” It puts it on the bride to know EVERYONES relationship status at all times.  I barely have the time to do that when I’m not planning a 300+ person event.  Even engagements became a slight issue for us because my cousin got engaged to his on again/off again GF, but didn’t tell anyone outside of his brothers, sister and parents for 2 months.  We found out about it a week before we sent out invites, and had time to correct.  

Post # 5
3653 posts
Sugar bee

If you write her, use the term NEW boyfriend – ha ha!

Or say that you never received her response, so you put her down as a no, and now it’s too late. OOPS!

Post # 6
716 posts
Busy bee

Ok, yes, she could have done a better job of appreciating the fact that you weren’t aware of her BF before you sent your invitations.  So you heard about the boyfriend from her and offered that she could bring him and you still got the nasty reply?  If so, then yes that’s rude.  Did she expect you to re-issue her invitation and whatever cost per invitation?

However, since there are a lot of threads of this nature, I’m always in the unpopular camp of adult people want to bring their +1s to your wedding, regardless of the nature of the relationship, and the polite thing is to account for this in your numbers from the beginning.  I’m not saying that you didn’t, just that I can completely see why she would be offended that her BF wasn’t welcome, if that were in fact the case.

Post # 7
6668 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

She sounds like a pain in the ass.

Post # 8
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Brussels, Belgium

I definitely agree with HannahGrace:. I don’t know the details of your wedding like number of guests or budget, but I am of the opinion that it’s ok to not give someone a plus one unless they’ve been with their partner for a set period of time.

Post # 9
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Apple_Blossom:  +1

this. just ignore her drama, and if you’re cool with the boyfriend coming just tell her that you already said he can come, so should you put her down for 2?


Post # 10
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d accept her decline with pleasure. Like your supposed to be abreast of everyone’s status at any given moment. Please. Aint’ nobody got time for that. 

Post # 11
5787 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

She probably didn’t know her RSVP got lost in the mail and has been seething mad that no one replied to her reply. Of course no one replied because you never got the reply, but she didn’t know that till now. Have your Fi call her to mend fences. This is way too trivial a thing to get in a twist over, and certainly not worth losing a friend over. I don’t even think she is automatically being a drama queen, because it can be VERY hurtful to not have your relationship acknowledged. Loads of threads right here on this website about bees feeling that way when their SO gets invited to a wedding without them!

75% certain that this is a misunderstanding/bad communication and that a phone call sorts it out.

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