Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
This is more of a vent because I just found it annoying. We had not received one of FI’s friend’s RSVP so he contacted her Sunday about it because it was past the RSVP date. She wouldn’t say yes or no, but that she sent her RSVP in the mail. So I waited until yesterday and contacted her via FB explaining that we need our final numbers and such (a bit of a back story is that we did not know she was seeing someone until just after invites went out that she was in a relationship so we did not give her a plus one – as far as we were aware she was single up until that point in July. Then last week it was announced that the very new bf is moving in with her). Her response was as follows:
As for the RSVP, I had written that if [bf] is invited then we will happily accept, but if [bf] isn’t welcome then we’ll regretfully decline – celebrating your and [FI’s] love without the love of my own life just wouldn’t feel right.
Seriously? Why not just ask if he can come instead of making it into such a melodramatic thing. It felt like a major trap because if I or FI had said no to her then we would have been the bad guys. I know that some relationships move quickly, but they’ve been together all of three minutes. It’s her response that just really irritates me. I’ve never met the guy. FI has only met the guy once. Oh, and we told her that she was welcome to bring the bf. And if she was so concerned about it, why did she not address this a month or so ago directly with at least FI instead of writing it on the RSVP and mailing it back to us!
Really, I am just super irritated at the response and the way it was brought up. Oh, and that she didn’t bother talking to either myself or FI about it directly – with how she has changed over the last year I am certain that she has been talking poorly about us and making it into a huge drama when it didn’t need to be!
Post # 2
She’s your FI’s friend so I would leave it up to him. Personally, I would not want a drama queen like this at my wedding, but if it was important to my fiance and it was his friend, I’d suck it up and deal. I feel your pain though – she sounds really annoying.
Post # 3
If the boyfriend is invited (you said he could come?), write back and tell her “As we mentioned x time ago, we are more than welcome to including your boyfriend. Shall we mark you down as a yes?”
If not (or you don’t want her there any more): “We are sorry you will be unable to make it.”
Post # 4
I really dislike the “couples living together rule.” It puts it on the bride to know EVERYONES relationship status at all times. I barely have the time to do that when I’m not planning a 300+ person event. Even engagements became a slight issue for us because my cousin got engaged to his on again/off again GF, but didn’t tell anyone outside of his brothers, sister and parents for 2 months. We found out about it a week before we sent out invites, and had time to correct.
Post # 5
If you write her, use the term NEW boyfriend – ha ha!
Or say that you never received her response, so you put her down as a no, and now it’s too late. OOPS!
Post # 6
Ok, yes, she could have done a better job of appreciating the fact that you weren’t aware of her BF before you sent your invitations. So you heard about the boyfriend from her and offered that she could bring him and you still got the nasty reply? If so, then yes that’s rude. Did she expect you to re-issue her invitation and whatever cost per invitation?
However, since there are a lot of threads of this nature, I’m always in the unpopular camp of adult people want to bring their +1s to your wedding, regardless of the nature of the relationship, and the polite thing is to account for this in your numbers from the beginning. I’m not saying that you didn’t, just that I can completely see why she would be offended that her BF wasn’t welcome, if that were in fact the case.
Post # 7
She sounds like a pain in the ass.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - Brussels, Belgium
I definitely agree with HannahGrace:. I don’t know the details of your wedding like number of guests or budget, but I am of the opinion that it’s ok to not give someone a plus one unless they’ve been with their partner for a set period of time.
Post # 9
this. just ignore her drama, and if you’re cool with the boyfriend coming just tell her that you already said he can come, so should you put her down for 2?
Post # 10
I’d accept her decline with pleasure. Like your supposed to be abreast of everyone’s status at any given moment. Please. Aint’ nobody got time for that.
Post # 11
She probably didn’t know her RSVP got lost in the mail and has been seething mad that no one replied to her reply. Of course no one replied because you never got the reply, but she didn’t know that till now. Have your Fi call her to mend fences. This is way too trivial a thing to get in a twist over, and certainly not worth losing a friend over. I don’t even think she is automatically being a drama queen, because it can be VERY hurtful to not have your relationship acknowledged. Loads of threads right here on this website about bees feeling that way when their SO gets invited to a wedding without them!
75% certain that this is a misunderstanding/bad communication and that a phone call sorts it out.