(Closed) Vent: It seems like everyone has someone who loves them, except me (long, sorry)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

First, if he doesn’t want to marry you, and you want marriage, why stay with him? You could be missing out on the right man for you if you stay with someone who doesn’t want the same things.

Second, ((HUGS)). Its tough. My bff feels the same way you do. She’s been single for a while, but looks at it that she’s grateful because her school load is crazy and she will hopefully be able to date again once she graduates next year. 

I was lucky to find my husband at 20, but my brother is 31, similar dating experience as you, and he just last year found the girl for him. 

Usually, the more content you are with the life you are leading means that better things are in store when you least expect it

Post # 4
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like you’re being really passive aggressive, and not communicating with your boyfriend. Is he supposed to read your mind to know that you think he should be proposing? Is he supposed to just “know” the ways in which you feel loved, without you ever clueing him in? There are different ways that people feel affection – some with gifts, some with time spent, some with surprises and things planned for them. He could have a different take on it – and thus doesn’t see your needs. It’s your responsibility to tell him those things, instead of silently resenting him. If you want to get married, you need to have an adult conversation about the status of your relationship and where it’s going. Very few people successfully do the “secret mind reading wait and pray” tactic.

Post # 5
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Also, it isn’t that “nobody ever wants you” – it’s that you’re either with the wrong person, or you haven’t evolved into the person you need to be to be in a marriage. Be grateful that you didn’t end up with the wrong guy, simply because he was willing to say “yes”. You owe it to yourself to have “the talk” with your current boyfriend to see where you stand instead of sticking your head in the sand and wasting more time.

Post # 6
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Your title states that you don’t know someone who loves you, but in the post your equating love to a proposal.

Is the issue with your boyfriend is that he doesn’t love you? Or is that he loves you but isn’t ready to get engaged?

Post # 7
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

First of all I agree with everything MrsSl82be told you. 

I think you should have a heart to heart with your boyfriend and see if marriage is even on the table. If he does not see you getting married or does not want marriage at all then I think you can do better. If he does not want that with you I don’t think you need to waste your time with him because there is going to be somebody out there for you that feels the way your sister’s BF feels about her. 

Have you talked to your BF about any of your feelings? Do you know if he ever wants marriage or just likes a marriage free lifestyle?

I’m sorry you are going through this! You definitely deserve somebody who loves you and wants to marry you. He’s out there so don’t get discouraged!

Post # 9
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If noone has wanted marriage so far, then perhaps you are not with The One.  Why are you putting yourself through this? If it is so important to you, then you need to find what will make you happy. It might seem now as though it will never happen, but trust me, there is someone out there that wants to marry you. It seems as though you might not have met yet. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@Fiberoptic:  Is staying with this guy going to achieve those goals?  How old is he? Stable job/life? Do you live together? Do you think he is the one?

Post # 13
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Fiberoptic:  I still think you need to talk to your BF and let him know how you are feeling. I’m not sure if you keep feelings like this bottled up when you are around him, but he may not feel the same urgency towards marriage that you do. If it were me I’d ask him what it is he wants to have accomplished before having a wedding and then make a list of things he wants to have done before kids. Make yourselves a timeline. You could make your own before talking and see how well your plans line up with each other.

You could also try to challenge him to a “date” competition to up the ante. If you want him to do something special for you without down right asking for it just challenge him to plan his idea of a romantic date for one weekend and you plan one for another. Having you plan one too would give it some light hearted fun. 

Post # 14
Member
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn

How long are you waiting to have the marriage conversation in these relationships? Since getting married is such a high priority for you, you should probably be up-front with the men you date from the beginning and only look for men who are similarly marriage-minded. Spending over two years with someone who hasn’t introduced you to his parents is an obvoius dead end.

Post # 15
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Maybe you should try to evaluate yourself and see why you seem to be attracting the same type of guy over and it over. It’s probably something that you do unconsciously in relationships. If you can really self-evaluate and figure out your role in it, then you can change your behavior and break out of the pattern.

Good luck!

 

ETA: +1000 to everything Sunfire said

Post # 16
Member
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry to say this, but yes, you sound very bitter.  And calling other women “dried up” is a hateful thing to say. 

I’ll be blunt.  To attract someone you must be attractive.

How do people become attractive?  What is attractiveness? 

Mostly it is about attitude.  And your attitude, to put it straightforwardly, really sucks, judging from these posts.  If you were a man, would you be attracted to you?

I’m sure you are a lovely person on the inside.  But you are looking at things all wrong here.  It begins and ends with YOU.  You are the common denominator in all of these failed relationships.  (Hey, not judging here, I’ve had my share). 

What about you is attractive?  What do you have to offer?  Most men want a woman who is a CATCH.  They want someone who is happy and confident.  Intelligent and successful.  Sexy and fun. A woman who makes his life more joyful being with her than being without her.

A man or a marriage won’t make you happy.  You have to be happy within your own self, first.

Exuberance for life is attractive.  Energy is attractive.  What kind of vibes do you think you’re giving off?  The energy inside you is what you attract back into your life.

You can change this.  Do whatever it takes.  Fall in love with YOURSELF.  Everything else will fall into place.  It starts inside you.  ((HUGS)) 

ETA:  I realize in re-reading that this may sound as though I don’t understand that you are currently in a relationship.  I do understand that you are.  But you’re not happy with the status of it.  Everything I said applies even when people are in relationships.  He is dragging his feet.  So, ask yourself how you’re making his life more joyful and what you can offer him as a wife.  Actions speak louder than words.  He knows you want marriage, you don’t have to mention that again.  Work on improving yourself and who knows what could happen.  Maybe it will be with him and maybe it will be with someone even better than him.

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