Post # 1
So my Dad is going through a divorce with his thrid wife. Yes, that’s a lot of divorce, but he married my Mom because they were pregnant teenagers and tried to do the right thing. This current divorce is due to the woman leaving him, so he can’t stop it. She wants a change. My problem: he’s started seeing his second wife. Now I will support my Dad in whatever he does because he’s my Dad and I do love him, but this woman was horrible to me. Examples:
- She never wanted kids and my Dad had custody of me, so he left me at my Grandparents and moved in with her. Yes, that’s his fault too.
- When I moved in, she wanted to send me to boarding school.
- She threatened to take my cat to the SPCA so I’d move out.
- I had to pay rent as soon as I turned 18 even though I was going to community college and working.
- When I moved out, if my Dad helped me, she’d get mad.
- She’s a chain smoker and alcoholic.
- When my first love broke up with me, I went to her for comfort. She said “I have to pee,” and left.
- I have terrible cramps and she’d stand over me talking about she didn’t feel anything when she got her period.
- She decided that I was the “daughter she never had” when she and my Dad divorced. I decided to be nice because it was hard for her.
- Most recently, she found me on Facebook. She messaged me and told me she’d like to go to this thing my Dad and his wife would be at, but it was hard (of course it would be). I told her she needed to move on because it’d been seven years (I said it nicer than that because I do want her to be happy and she has to move on to do that). She went on to tell me that divorce is harder than losing a baby (I delivered an Angel Baby who died in my womb at 8.5 months) less than six months after I lost.
Now my Dad is seeing her again. I want to support him, but I cannot stand this woman. Previous to this I blocked her on FB because she’s very toxic to me. Oh, and because I think they’ve been seeing each other for at least a month, she gave me this “sweet” card with a check for a lot of money just to look good. I don’t want her money and I don’t want this woman in my life. I was finally getting away.
My husband doesn’t understand why I’m so upset. He thinks I need to calm down about it and maybe I do, but I really don’t want this woman in my life. She made me feel like crap the whole time she was in my life because she was always down on me. She doesn’t understand a parent/child relationship and how a parent is always a parent.
Post # 3
Awww I’m so sorry you have to deal with this women again! She seems to be horrible, and it’s so awful that after how she treated you, she’s back in your life again. Is there anyway you can talk to your dad abotut your feelings towards her? You are his daughter and are always going to be in his life, where it seems that maybe this lady just comes and goes. Maybe she’s just the “rebound girl” as awful as that seems! Hang in there!
Post # 4
I was honest with my Dad, but told him I’d support him no matter what just like he always does with me. And yes, as bad as it sounds, I’m hoping she’s a rebound too.
Thanks for reading all that.
Post # 5
Anyone who compares ANYTHING to the loss of your child is a horrible person. You’re doing the right thing by blocking her on Facebook. Did you return her card?
Post # 6
I’m sorry you’re going through that. I don’t really know what to say, except that the good thing about being an adult is that you don’t have to be around her all the time, and she can’t mistreat you anymore. I’ve struggled to find a way to deal with my dad’s new gf, and I decided ultimately that I don’t really have any interest in their relationship. I don’t want to meet her, and that’s not out of spite, it’s because I’m not there yet. I support my dad and I want him to be happy. Hope that helps, good luck.
Post # 7
Wow. Just wow. I can’t believe that she would compare anything that way to you loosing your baby. How heartbreaking. I would also have returned the money so that I wouldn’t feel like I owed her anything.
Cross your fingers that she IS a rebound. Hopefully once your father is over the shock of being left he won’t be so anxious to have a hand to hold.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with her again!!
Post # 8
@Bailzoe: You’d be surprised at what people compare to the loss of a baby. There’s so many people who say insensitive things who are trying to be comforting. One new mom actually told me she knew how I felt even though she’d never lost a baby and went home to hers everyday. My husband and I are trying to figure out if we can afford to send it back because he lost his job less than two weeks before our wedding. It’s a hard decision when we kind of need the money.
@Violet Violet: I’ve stopped meeting my Mom’s boyfriends because there were just too many and it hurt to lose them sometimes. It’s also not like the third wife and I were close. She had a hard time dealing with the fact my Dad loves me just like number two did. I want to support my Dad, but I also want to punch him in hopes of him getting his head out of his behind.
Post # 9
@TheFutureMcBride: Oh Goodness! I know how this goes all too well. My father is currently divorcing from the most toxic woman I have ever met in my life! I think I would drop dead if he decided to start dating her again. I am very honest with my father myself and if I were in your situation I would remind him that they got a divorce for a reason and ask him why he thinks that things will magically fix themselves now?
Also, let him know how uncomfortable she makes you and how badly she has treated you in the past. My step mom treated me horridly for the entire duration of my father marriage and now he is finally seeing how jealous she was of his and my relationship and how destructive that was to their own relationship. I know you want to be supportive but it sounds like this woman is a leech and she isn’t good for your father or his family. Be very clear that even though you will be there for him you dislike this woman strongly and it may have an adverse affect on your relationship with your father if he goes back to full time dating this woman.
As for the money, I would test the waters with your current relationship with her and see how long your father and her new found relationship is going to last. You don’t want to cash the check to have them break up again and then have to fight with her and possibly give the money back but if she truly wants you to have the money and you need it you might want to consider cashing it. That would be a really awkward conversation to either tell her you don’t want her money or to have her come back later and ask why you never cashed that check. That is a situation to definately continue talking over with your FI and dad.
Post # 10
I just wanted you to know that I’ve read most of your posts and find you an inspiring and strong woman. I completely understand how you feel with wife #2 because not all of my dad’s gfs were nice to me and that is so hard. I am still so angry at what she said about the divorce vs. loss of baby. Have you told your dad everything she’s told you over the years? If so, you have every right not to be happy about it and you do not need to be a daughter when she was never all that excited to be a parent, especially since she wasn’t there for you in any of the situations when being a mom was most needed.
Post # 11
Just an update on this: my Dad and this woman are getting remarried in October. I’m not attending.
@glaca: He knows everything she’s done and said to me. He thinks I should leave the past behind us and move on. He even says this about her comment concerning Moose’s death vs. divorce.
Post # 12
I just wonder how all this turned out? Did your Dad end up marrying this woman?