- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
Ughhhh… sorry if I’m venting. Called my mom up to wish her Happy Mother’s Day. Then, my dread came true as she tried to bug me for wedding planning details. “I need to know the date, so I can tell all my relatives and friends.” (Friends? How many??)
Fiance and I made up a preliminary list. Myinitial prediction of 100 with immediate family members were right, after squeezing a few close friends with their +1s.
So, I was like, “Mom, I included both our close family/relatives on the list. How many of your friends you are inviting?” I had to put my foot down and be like, “Mom, max people I want at our wedding is 150. 120 people is even better.”
Mom: “Why don’t you plan the wedding in (the city you live)? And then go to the Rockies after for honeymoon?!” (She is thinking about relatives who want to go home immediately after the wedding.)
Me: “….” Speechless
Luckily, my brother stepped in to diffuse the situation on video conferencing, “Mom, it’s not your wedding. You’re not getting married.”
All of us laughed.
Mom: “Okay, where in the Rockies?”
Me: “I don’t know! That’s why I’m asking you to fill a guest list.” (That way, we can eliminate people before sending out invites)
Mom: “But I can’t tell people when you don’t have a confirmed date.”
Me: “Agreed, we are trying to come up with a guest list before we can book a venue!”
Mom: “.. but that must be a long drive from the city.”
Me: “Minor details. I can look into renting bus/coaches.”
Mom: “Where would your relatives stay overnight? On the bus?”
Me: (Head almost exploding while trying not to laugh at the same time) “Ma, don’t be ridiculous. There are motels, lodges, inns and campgrounds.”
Me: “Look, ma. We’re paying most of it ourselves. I can’t afford to pay everyone else’s accomodation. I can work on getting a discount from neighbouring motels; etc.”
Mom: “What if people wanted to go home on the day of? Have you thought about the well-being and comfort of your guests?”
Me: (silently thinking, Mom must be referring to the usual half of the wedding banquet guests that LEAVES before the first dance and the rest of the wedding programme. These people always leave right after supper is done, especially at big SE Asian Chinese banquets. I wouldn’t want people like that coming to my wedding. No offense!)
“.. then if there are two coaches, one coach can take them home.”
Mom: (her head must be spinning too from this conversation) “Well, you plan it out and let me know.”
Then she’s like, “Is Fiance planning to give a dowry?”
Me: “Yes, I told him about our traditions.”
Mom: “Oh no, he doesn’t have to since you two aren’t having a traditional wedding. Your dad gave my mom some pork legs, live chickens and some gold.” (I’m guessing this is the Asian way of saying “Yes” by saying “No” in a polite manner. Being Westernized, this whole indirectness really annoys and tickles me at the same time.)
Boy, am I glad my parents haven’t told anyone about Fiance and my engagement yet. I would then be dealing with a bigger list, with not a big budget. A typical banquet is 200 to 300 people, but Fiance and I are not typical people; we’re anti-social and prefer a much intimate setting.
But at the same time, I can sense my mom’s unspoken pain that I’m making the list small. I know she’s super happy about our engagement and would love to share the day with her friends. I just hope I’m not being a complete bitch about it. Sigh!