Post # 1
One of my biggest pet peeves is that my mother is always trying to force my sisters and I to be best friends. My sister is a drug addict and we really don’t have anything in common. I love her, but we are not going to be the super close, tell each other everything type of siblings. Well, my Mom can’t handle that. She always says “you should call your sister, why don’t you talk to her more often, oh look, I got your this picture frame that says “sisters are best friends for life”. It is VERY frustrating. We sort of had a blow up about it this morning (Christmas morning no less) when my mom gave me a picture frame that said “My sister is my best friend”, which my MOM bought and gave to me and put my sister’s name on the gift.
She just doesn’t get it, and I am just frustrated about it. She essentially said she “doesn’t understand” why we aren’t close and how it is “such a shame”. Despite the fact that my sister is a drug addict, she blames the fact that we are not close on me (forget the fact that my sister never calls, forgets birthdays, etc).
Ugh, sorry to be such a downer on Christmas…but I guess I was just feeling a little frustrated. Looking forward to heading back home…
Post # 3
Oh girl I’m so sorry! Maybe she is in denial about your sister being a drug addict and that she needs help not people pretending that everything is fine? I don’t really have any advice because I’m an only. I hope that your mom gets it one day but that might not be possible. Hope your day gets better!
Post # 4
It’s no problem! Maybe if you find a way to show her that she doesn’t call/send cards/etc… “oh you won’t believe who called me today, aside from you!”… “no one.”
I can semi-relate, it’s not my sister, but my cousin. We used to be close until I realized what sort of person he (and his wife) is.
Of course, they like to act like they don’t know why I dislike them, so it ends up making me look like the bad person for wanting nothing to do with them.
So I get invited to things like weddings and Xmas dinner, and I know if I turn it down, then it’s going to make even more of a stink, because they don’t know why I don’t like them and wah wah wah.
I can’t bring myself to care enough to stir up the BS that would happen if I flat-out explained why I don’t care for them, and my mom likes to get on this crazy religious “you won’t get blessed if you don’t forgive it’s time to move on!”
The next time she pulls something like that, I’m going to tell her that I have moved on, and there is no room in my awesome life for people I don’t care for. Because it’s totally my fault that I don’t like people who create mess in my life.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. And unfortunately, I can somewhat sympathize. My middle sister is fairly normal – good job, awesome children, mentally stable. My oldest sister, on the other hand – not so much. She eloped to CA when she was 16, was heavily into drugs, and is (an often unmedicated) manic bipolar. She’s also unpredictable when alcohol is around, and at my mother’s wake – of all places – criticized mom’s parenting techniques, saying that she would have turned out differently had mom instituted more discipline. My cousin and I had to physically restrain my middle sister from attacking her.
This sister and I haven’t spoken in years, and after months of deliberation, I’ve decided to not invite her to my wedding. I’m positive that my mom would have preferred that I invite her, but after mom’s wake … I just can’t. Sometimes, your friends become the family you’ve chosen, and actual blood ties aren’t all that binding. For your sake, I hope your mom backs off a little.
Post # 6
I also have a sister that is dysfunctional; for lack of a nicer term.
I disowned her just prior to Christmas because she called me while she was drunk; again. I know she is taking drugs too. I just can’t take it any more. She doesn’t know I am getting married and she will not be invited to my wedding. The only time she calls me is when she wants something or is drunk or high.
I do have another, younger sister though, and she is awesome and will be in my wedding.
Post # 7
I just wanted to thank everyone for their thoughts and support. People can sometimes have a difficult time understaning why siblings are not close, and with the wedding coming up this has been very trying. Many people automatically assume my sister will be my Maid/Matron of Honor, that she had a huge role in my life, she would be saying a speech, etc. And my Mom is no help, criticizing me for not including her, even though I don’t even know if I can really count on her to even show up!!
@redherring – I soooo agree with your sentiments about family being more than just blood. This has really been a saving grace for me in much of my adult life. I have a fantastic set of friends who I can rely on in a pinch, and we often spend Thanksgiving and Easter with those people!
@noritake and surkim – thanks for sharing. It is really frustrating to have a dysfunctional sibling. Sometimes you are just so sad too…but you can’t control their behavior, and just have to hope that one day they will help themselves!
@MissAsB – thanks, your support means a lot!
Thanks again bees – your comments brought a little bit of light to my sometimes stressful holidays at home.
Post # 8
I’m sorry your Mom is being that way. I hope she backs off soon! I don’t know what’s it’s like to not get along with my sister, so I’m just here to offer *HUGS* and support. = D Enjoy the rest of your Christmas!
Post # 9
You poor thing. I hope your mum backs off a bit. It doesn’t sound like its your fault for the way the relationships turned out. From the gist of your comment, it doesn’t sound like there is any animosity between you two, you just have very little in common. Your Mum probably had ideas about how her children would turn out and it just hasn’t worked out that way. Hope it works out and your Mum doesn’t end up stressing you out!
Post # 10
I just wanted to revive this thread to let others know that unfortunately my Mom hasn’t let up on me in the months approaching the wedding. It is now 6 weeks out from my wedding day, and my mom is still saying comments such as “you will regret it in 10 years when you think about how your sister wasn’t your maid of honour!”
I tried to tell my mom how I feel when she brings up her lack of involvement in my wedding, but she always turns it around to make it about herself (my mom). When I say, no, I won’t regret my sister’s lack of involvement, she goes on about “You need to understand MY feelings, how I want you guys to be close” Unfortunately, that is just not going to happen. Like in my eariler posts, I pointed out that I love her, but I am not going to go out of my way to track her down, call her, etc… when she can’t even be bothered to call or email. I spent years doing that, and I am tired of it. What is amazing is how my mother still sticks up for her. My sister doesn’t even visit my mother on her birthday, can’t be bothered to come for holiday dinners, and they live in the SAME CITY!
Ugh, sorry for the vent. I feel I have done everything I can to let my mother know how I feel, but she seems to be ignoring my point of view. I don’t want to have a “me me me” attitude about my wedding, but when my adolescent years and early 20’s were all about my sister, I think I deserve a day to myself.
Thanks for listening!