(Closed) Vent: my friend is too laid back about her wedding

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yeah she doesn’t care. Some of us brides get alled wrapped up into the little details and others can care less. I say pick just go with her flow. She is not stress out about this so don’t stress out about it either. Shoes can be picked out closer to the wedding, or use a pair you have already.

Same for your daughter find a cute inexpensive option, or use a nice dress from some other occasion she already has and if she likes it use it. Since she already picked out the bridesmaid dress she liked, I don’t think you should worry about all the other stuff, because that is going to be the most expensive item you need to purchase.

Good luck!

Post # 4
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Maybe she really doesn’t care. 🙂 I told my girls to buy a long dress at DB in the color Holly and they were on their own for style. Whatever dress they liked and were comfortable in and could afford. I also didn’t care what shoes they wore. I wasn’t trying to be difficult, I just truly didn’t care what shoes they wore because in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t at all important to me. I’m not going to look back on my wedding pictures in 20 years and regret that the bridal party didn’t have matching shoes. :p Just find something cute for your daughter and show the bride a pic. I’m sure she won’t care as long as you and your daughter are happy!

Post # 5
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I didn’t care about my bridesmaids’ shoes or the flower girl dress either.  I wanted everyone comfortable, and to me, there were bigger things to worry about than what shoes the girls were wearing.

Post # 6
1935 posts
Buzzing bee

I understand what you mean. It is realy frustrating to deal with a super laid back bride, especially when you know that it will be added stress for you later when everything is rushed or decisions haven’t been made/thought of.

Perhaps just start coordinating with the other bridesmaids and decide amongst yourself what you want to wear, then just tell the bride when you’ve all decided?

Post # 7
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well I was a pretty laid back bride.  I didn’t really have much of a vision and didn’t really about one.  I just wanted eveyone to come and celebrate and have a good time.  I gave my girls some dress requirements: length, color, material, and said it would be fun if they all had different necklines.  I honestly didn’t care what they picked as long as it was within those guidelines and they were happy.  I also could have cared less about what shoes they wore.

What I suggest doing, and what my BMs did (because they wanted some coheasion), is talk with the other BMs and decide what color shoes and what color jewelry you all want to wear, then run it past the bride.  I also wouldn’t worry too much about all of this until a few months before the wedding.  It’s too early to start thinking about shoes and dresses and such.  And maybe in a few months, as stuff starts to come together, the bride will start to have more a vision and you’ll be able to get more direction from her.




Post # 8
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I didn’t care that much about that sort of thing either. Why not get the shoes etc that are in your budget and what you think looks nice with the dress. Show your friend and if she has a reason to veto them then you can say  “well you did say you don’t care” so please can you give me a bit more direction because I want this to look lovely for you.

Post # 9
166 posts
Blushing bee

I was a laid back bride, I had a year and a half to plan the wedding and I started planning six months before the wedding. My best friend/ Maid of Honor pushed me and forced me into planning, which I now thank her for that (lol).  I think you should show her pictures and constantly ask her what she thinks. Also, maybe having a conversation and expressing your feelings to her will help.

Post # 10
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I think you nailed it on the head in your post title:”my friend is too laid back about her wedding”. I would put a side a reasonable amount of money and once the wedding gets closer clarify what she wants. If she says then that she doesn’t care go pick out something you like.

Post # 11
46230 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just because she hasn’t made her decisions doesn’t mean you can’t start saving now. Then you will have the money when you need it.

If she says ” I don’t care”, she may truly mean it.

Respond with a very specific question or suggestion. ” Are you saying it’s ok for us to wear any nude shoe that we like” “here is  a pic of a dress I thought my daughter could wear. Shall I go ahead and get it for her?” She might appreciate some help in decision making.

Post # 12
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Some brides really do not care. In fact, the last two weddings I was in were for brides who did not care. “What do you want me to wear”? “Whatever’s fine.” “Well, how would you like me to fix my hair/makeup/shoes?” “It really doesn’t matter to me, it’s up to you.”

Brides think this makes things easier, but for me, it really doesn’t. I’m always afraid I am going to get a request for a green dress, “Oh, just wear whatever you have!”, and be the only one in chartreuse satin strapless while everyone else is in kelly green tulle one-shoulder. If you’re not the maid of honor, that makes for a really awkward situation.

Brides who don’t care are also less likely to bother making appointments with you after they ask you to officiate. So you show up with thee’s and thou’s because that’s the most traditional, and they hate it. Or they act surprised that I didn’t include God. All this at the rehearsal—when they bother to have one of those at all. Grr… I know it’s their wedding and I can’t and shouldnt try to make them care, but it would be easier for the bridal party in most cases, I think, if they did.

Post # 13
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If she says she doesn’t care, she doesn’t care. Not everyone gets wrapped up in the little details. I know I couldn’t care less what my bridesmaids wear.

Try showing her a picture of what you’re thinking before you buy anything… if she says “yes” or “i don’t care” just do it. There’s way too much going on in a wedding to care about every single detail.

Post # 14
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

Can you talk to the other members of the bridal party? Maybe you can all figure it out together. 

Post # 15
5967 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I was one of these brides, and I can tell you, we don’t care….as long as you have clothes on, and shoes..it’s a win.  Don’t supply the stress for her, just go with it!

Post # 16
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Take her shopping with you? 

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