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Oh my goodness, that's ridiculous! First of all, she cannot get all huffy that you didn't ask her daughter to be the flower girl. She does not get to choose who is in your wedding party.
Second, I think it's insane that she think she's entitled to be able to wear a veil! No one should be wearing one but the bride, unless it is something the bride specifically wants.
Third, she doesn't get to choose her BM gift!!!!!!!
I say you need to put your foot down and just start telling her no. I know conflict is no fun, but this girl sounds like she's trying to just take everything over. Don't let her walk all over you!! :)
P.S. Welcome to the hive!
wow! I think we all have some BM and MOH issues but this is by far the worst I have ever heard. Wanting to wear a veil is totally crossing the line and trying to be a spotlight stealer. In my opinion you have to choices. You can 1. talk to her and tell her that you are feeling that she is stepping all over your day and its making you upset. Tell her you understand she is excited but that she needs to let you plan your oen wedding or you guys will end up not being friends or option 2. Tell her you think she is acting crazy and is ruining your wedding experience and think it might be best if she is not your MOH anymore.
I think as long as you remember that this is the most important day in your life and that this day is ALL about you, you will do the rigth thing. There is only so much craziness one bried can handle!
Good luck, and if it was me she would have been out at asking to wear a veil :-)
WOW! You need to have a VERY serious talk with her. You need to stop all of this now before things get worse and more out of control. It's your wedding not hers and when you say no she needs to accept that and move on if she can't then maybe she can't handle the job of MOH.
I am going to call her soon and tell her that her daughter can't be my flowergirl and that I felt pressured to say yes because I was so "on the spot."
I think getting together isn't bad. It'd be nice if they all get to know each other and hopefully get along, so they can all be supportive on your wedding day! But I definitely see what you mean about it seeming like she's trying to take over. She sounds like a really, really strong personality. At least, that's the most generous explanation I can think of!
She sounds like she REALLY wants to plan a wedding! I can't believe she wants to wear a veil OMG - When I read your title I said out loud - NO WAY!!!! LOL
Honestly, I think you should insist that you want to come shoe shopping too as it will give you an opportunity to see all of your girls! And Maybe you could give her full planning "leadership" on the shower and Bachelorette. Maybe that will get her attention away from the wedding a bit!
wow..with a capital W!!! SHe is a bit too demanding. Stick with NO as your answer.
Daughter in your wedding party?..NO
get together with my friends to insist they buy the same shoes (even after I said they didn't need to)? ..no!
Wear a veil?? um...NO,NO,NO!!!
maybe you should just mention in conversation that everything is under control & all the details are set. At this point it might cause more tension to talk to her about it than to just ignore her ideas...
GOOD LUCK!
What on earth!?!? When I first read the topic I thought maybe she wanted some kind of head covering for religious reasons or something, but no, apparently she's just an attention hog! I say have a talk with her about her daughter being too young. If she keeps bringing up stuff like jewelry or hair accessory, just keep repeating every single time "Thanks for the suggestion, but I have that all taken care of. I'll make sure you all look great, you don't need to worry about it" and then just ignore her suggestions.
Wow, she is really being very demanding which is strange because it sounds as if you are being VERY accommodating.
Out of curiosity....has she ever been married? I'm wondering if she isn't trying to "shine" vicariously through you, if that makes sense (hey, I can say that, I'm single/never married myself!) 
I agree that it might cause a little tension to talk to her about it. But I am calling to talk about the flowergirl situation so if I'm going to say anything, I will say it then. I'm trying to work up my nerve and choose my words carefully because she has been a good friend over the years and I really don't want to hurt her feelings.
However, it's my wedding.
Oh, how could I forget, I have to invite some of her extended family now too. Greeeaaat. Every 4 people I invite costs me $104. So now I'm over budget by at least $150, if not more. 
ETA: she hasn't ever been married before and she did say something about being depressed after talking wedding all day. And she teared up a little when I was trying on a dress at the boutique. I know she wants to get married, but I have been a bridesmaid before and trust me I did WHATEVER the bride wanted! I dated my guy for 5 years before he proposed, I know what its like to want to be the bride, but I would never do this kind of stuff. Again, she's my friend I cant go all bridezilla on her. I didn't talk wedding all day - she did!! I was tired of talking wedding by the time she left.
Funny you should mention bridezilla--I was just thinking she's a MOHzilla!!! I agree that it seems she really wants to plan a wedding, just too bad it's YOURS! Maybe you should seriously suggest she plan a destination wedding (like in Vegas) instead of eloping?
It seems like it might not be a bad idea to let her wear a fascinator or give her (and only her) a pink flask for a gift, though. The fascinator might be a good compromise to get her to drop the subject, because she seems to really want to stand out as the MOH, and as long as you don't give ALL the BMs a flask, I'm sure the preacher's wife would understand that not everyone lives their lives the same way they do. Plus, compromising might help soften the "no's" that you seem to have to keep saying! She's definitely crossed the line when it comes to her daughter, and I don't blame you for feeling like she's taking over by getting together with the other BMs when she knows you'll be out of town. Good luck!
Umm...I know you love her and all but...WHY ARE YOU INVITING HER FAMILY???
It's clear that she means a lot to you, so my only advice is to have a true heart to heart with her when you call. Explain in the psych terms: "When you do [x] it makes me feel [y]..." For example "When you suggest your own wedding gift, you make me feel uncomfortable because I have already planned the gifts. I don't want you to be disappointed, but I also don't want to change what I have already planned." Or also "When you asked if your daughter could be a bridesmaid, it made me feel obligated to include her because you said you had already planned on it. However, I have already planned out my wedding party, and she wasn't included. Not because I don't adore her, but because she is too young, and I really can't accomodate another flower girl. I don't plan on including her as a flower girl, and I hope you understand why." Also "When you insist that your extended family is invited, it makes me feel frustrated and helpless because I don't have the money (or space) to invite them, and they are taking away seats that I could have given to (someone important to YOU who was left out). I really want you to enjoy the wedding, but I also need you to understand that it is OUR wedding, and I have already made all the plans. I love that you want to help me, and I appreciate your input, but I have already planned everything. Please stop trying to make me change my plans to accomodate your own ideas. It makes me feel angry because it is MY vision for MY wedding. Can you understand that?"
*gasp*....oh my!!!!! I am so sorry for your predicament. Since she seems to be overly involved, is there any sort of creative wedding "task" you could assign to her. Something that maybe isn't of too much importance to you that could just keep her occupied and feeling involved, even if it's for your own sanity. Maybe 'designing' the gift card holder?
Ok, I just got off the phone with her and I actually feel a little better. I didn't bring up the subject of inviting her family, but I think I may just luck out a little. Apparently one of her cousins has changed their wedding date to the same date as mine. So hopefully her family will go to THAT wedding. I am thinking I won't even send them invites because I can always say that I "assumed" they were going to her cousins wedding. She assured me should would rather come to my wedding over her cousins wedding because they are not close and she will not back out on me as a MOH.
We talked about the flower girl thing and she is okay with it - I think. I really hope so. I just basically said that our original flower girl is really excited about it and I didn't want to take that away from her. She was like, "well maybe she can be my cousin's flower girl." LOL!
I think I may just get her a pink flask and no one else. I am going to stick to my guns on the gifts I had planned for them (including the hair accessories and jewelry), I will just get her an extra gift since she is the MOH.
What a an emotional rollercoaster! Thanks everyone for the advice! I am still unsure about them all meeting - she said they would just get plans in place for the bachelorette party and would wait until I was around to do other stuff. I'm just hoping they don't all buy themselves birdcage veils without telling me!
Um is she for real? Wow, I don't even know where to start with what is worse that she is doing, it's all pretty bad! I can't believe your MOH would be acting like this...yea you seriously need to sit her down and set her straight, she is out of control and you don't need to be putting up with this. It's your wedding, don't let her push you around and make you uncomfortable and stressed!
Ha the part that seems the craziest is her asking for a veil...what??!!
WHAT?!?!?!?! That is insane!
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that :/
But stay firm ("just say NO!!!!")
@MightySapphire~**applauds** that was a perfect spiel and leaves no room for argument!
@OP...good job standing up for yourself AND your wedding!
Your feelings are completely justified. A MOH is supposed to be the peson in your life who you can turn to no matter what. SHE is supposed to be there for YOU. Accepting to be in a wedding party (let alone MOH) is a responsibility AND a tradition. Everyone knows that accepting means putting the bride before yourself.
Unfortunately, weddings seem to turn into this "live vicarously through the bride" event. Everyone has an opinion and a dream for you (or themselves).
Just remember that no matter what your MOH is wearing... (Funeral veil or no...) this day is not about her. Or the veil. Or her dress. Or her kid. Its about your marriage to your FH.
Good Luck! And dont let her crazy ruin your planning!
Oh Im so happy for you that her cousin is getting married! :) I still cant believe she has asked of you all of the things that she would like to see done...I feel so bad. Good job sticking to your guns about the flowergirl...as far as the flask....ugh...what is one more gift for her so she will quiet down...so good choice. BUT HELL NO ABOUT THE VEIL.....geesh...I spit out my soda when I read that.....good lord
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I said no.
I have been lurking here for about a month and just had to post because I really need to vent. I don't know what to do because I feel like my MOH is trying to take over my wedding.
She lives out of town and we haven't seen each other in person since before I got engaged (last Nov). We've been friends since elementary school and all that so I made her my MOH. I'm one of those people who have been looking forward to, and enjoying, the wedding planning process. I am very creative and have no problem planning parties and such, because I actually planned events at the last job I had. I knew what I wanted and have been dreaming about it for the last few years. At this point, I pretty much have everything planned and decided upon and she came down last weekend to hang out with me and try on BM dresses. I plan on asking the bridesmaids to help me assemble some of my diy projects and include them if they choose to help, but I honestly don't need *or want* help with the planning portion. I already know what I want, KWIM?
First, she complained that the BM's would be underdressed because they don't have long dresses. Then she didn't want to try on the dress I picked out for her (she is very plus size and I am doing 4 different styles of dresses - 1 for each girl). Well once she finally tried it on, she really did like it, but I had to argue with her to get her to even try it!! She said it was sack shaped and would look terrible, but once she tried it on she changed her mind. It turned out to be the most flattering of the 4 dresses. And a defined waist does not equal sack shaped IMHO.
Then later on, she asked me if her daughter was going to be my flowergirl. I said, well I have asked my other friends daughter already and she replied with, "Well I've been planning on Sarah doing it. (name changed). I was so caught off guard I actually said ok I guess I can have 2 flowergirls. Now I'm upset because Sarah is WAY to young to be a flowergirl and I am going to have to call the MOH and tell her that Sarah can't do it. Not to mention - I can't afford 2 flowergirls. Not to mention, last time I checked you aren't supposed to nominate your children.
Then she asked if she could wear a birdcage veil because she is the MOH and needs to look different than the other BM's. I said no, I am planning on wearing one of those at my reception. So she asked if she could wear a black one, I said no because that reminds me of a funeral. So now she keeps sending my pictures of these huge fascinators and is pushing me to let her wear one. I was planning on buying cute jewelry and hair accessories for the girls, among other gifts, for them to wear.
Then she told me that she wanted a pink flask for her bm gift. Um, no one of my other bm's is a preachers wife!!
Now she is coming back to town in 2 weeks and asking all the bm's to get together with her while I'm out of town to pick out shoes. OMG i'm going to go crazy.
I have been very nice and asked all of the girls what they think the bm dresses, etc. I want them to be happy with them, I really do. They are black cocktail length dresses. I told them to pick out whatever shoe they wanted as long as it was a black satin peeptoe. It could be flats, heels. whatever. I gave them the option to get their hair done or not, since I can't pay for it, I am letting them do whatever they want with their hair. I have made basically no demands of them and have a brunch and several gifts planned for all of them. Is it wrong for me to be upset that she is asking them to get together without me? I mean, I haven't even got to hang out with all of them at one time yet. I feel left out. I feel like she is trying to live out her bridal fantasy through my wedding. She is planning to elope in about a year. I don't think she is doing this to be mean, more out of excitement but I am still majorly upset with the things that happened this weekend. I love her as a friend and NEVER in a million years thought this type of thing would be a problem.
What would you do if you were me? I am a nice person, but I don't let people run over me either. I am so upset. I haven't been stressed out the entire time I've been planning until she came down this weekend. I feel like saying, plan the bachelorette party all you want, and leave my wedding ALONE!