Post # 1
A couple of my friends have been making some comments lately that have really been getting to me. I can’t tell if I’m just being hormonal or what. You be the judge…
First my friend, let’s call her L, has always said she wants to have three kids but no matter what she girls. She said she would absolutely DIE if she ever found out she was having a boy and it would literally send her into a hysterical panic. She talks about it all the time…like every single time I’m with her she brings this up. We went out to lunch the other day and she told me how she’s been researching how to have only girls and has found all these techniques that she is going to try like sucking on a bunch of lemons right before having sex and all these positions that are supposed to produce a girl. Well guess what? I’m having a boy and I couldn’t be happier! There is NOTHING wrong with having a boy and I’ve tried to tell her this and that when she does become pregnant that she will love her baby no matter what she’s having. Everytime I tell her this she argues with me and tells me no she won’t be happy if it’s a boy and then goes into how much more fun girls are and all the cute stuff there is to buy for them ect. as opposed to boys. One of our other friends is pregnant and she said last night “Oh my god please let her have a girl! I can’t take any more of this boy crap!” It is driving me CRAZY!!
Next my other friend, we’ll call her M, I think has a problem with the way pregnant women look and is not afraid to express it. A couple weeks ago she came over and we were talking about how much weight I’d gained. She asked me where I thought I’d gained the most weight and I told her my thighs for sure. She was like let me see and I showed her. (I was wearing a pair of jeans and just took them down to my knees) She was like “Whoa!!!! I can totally tell! Holy crapy! Yeah just don’t wear shorts and you’ll be fine.” I was thinking to myself hmmm ok! Totally expecting you to be uplifting and supportive and tell me I was crazy and I looked fine but whatever! I shrugged that one off. Then last night she was over again and I was telling her how I was a little upset that I had found my first stretch marks on my right hip. Once again she asked if she could see them and I showed her. She was like “Oh my god those are bad. That is really awful that you have those.” I answered “Really? It’s that big of a deal?” and she said “well I’d just be really upset if I had those.” We are going on the lake today and she asked me if I was going to wear a bikini and I said yes but with a cover up on and I’m not taking it off. I’ve been pretty self conscious about my new pregnant body and she knows this. She said “Yeah I agree with you. Don’t take off your cover up. I wouldn’t, I’d be too self conscious.”
I’ve also told her that I was worried that my body would never be the same after having a kid and she said “Yeah it probably won’t.” Thanks for the reassurance!! I also took maternity pictures with my DH a few weeks ago and she told me to make sure to not take any naked belly pictures bc those are just “weird” and are totally inappropriate. She has also told me that at my upcoming showers she will never pose with me with her hand on my stomach bc those are weird too. Granted I would never want or expect her to take a picture with me with her hand on my stomach and I had never brought that up to her. I just thought it was weird that she thought enough of it to bring it up to me and tell me how weirded out she was by it.
I love both these girls dearly but their comments have been driving me crazy. L is in a relationship and M is not and neither one of them have ever been pregnant so they have no idea what the hell they are talking about. It’s just so frustrating I feel like one is sorry for me that I’m having a boy even though I’m over the moon happy about it and the other is trying to make me feel like sh*t about my body. Am I just being sensitive here??
Post # 3
I think it’s hard to not be sensitve about that. This is a tough time to see your body changing in ways that you’re totally not used to. But I think your friends are being completely insensitive and a bit immature. Do you think that they’re doing that because they’re jealous in a way? That with the baby coming around that they feel their relationship with you is threatened because your son will now take first place in your life over them? I really hope that’s not the case.
Maybe sit down and tell them how their statements make you feel (you can always blame the sensitivity on horomones!) Good luck – I hope things turn around.
Post # 4
I’m sort of curious as to how old these girls are? Becuase I know 15 year olds with more tact than that.
I would try not to let it get to you… L sounds like she’s incredibly immature and not at all ready to have kids. And honestly, I feel bad for any kids she has in the future.
M, on the other hand, sounds jealous. You say she’s not in a relationship… there’s a good chance that she’s envious of everything you have. You’re happily married with a baby on the way, and she’s still single and hanging onto what is probably the one thing she feels she has going for her- her body. It sounds like, in her frustration and jealousy, she’s really quick to put you down in order to remind herself that she’s still worthy. It’s really sad, but that’s what it sounds like to me. I could be totally off base here, but just an opinion.
No matter what it is, try to spend a little more time with people who are supportive of you right now. Or, you could always put them in their place. People don’t generally know how to respond when you say things like, “Why would you think it’s okay to say something like that?”
Post # 5
I don’t necessarily think that it’s envy, but more of a lack of knowing what to say. Are you the first one of your friends to be pregnant? I cringe to think of some of the dumb stuff I said when my best friend was pregnant. She was the first pregnant friend that I was close to and was really invested in her being pregnant. I didn’t mean anything by those slips, it was more that I was trying to agree with what she was telling me. For example if I were pregnant I would be sick of everyone telling me everything is “worth it when you see the baby” and “you’ll go back to your old body” constantly. Both of those things are probably true, but sometimes maybe you just want to complain a little. Maybe M thought she was just letting you do this? L sounds just regular crazy though haha.
Post # 5
Well, I’m pregnant too, so maybe I am a bit biased, but I found both of your situations completely annoying/rude. L seems a little ditzy, so she is just annoying. But M? How rude of her to tell you that she thinks you look bad! Even if pregnancy does disgust her (my sister thinks it’s a little disgusting as she isn’t ready to have kids) she doesn’t have to tell you that you’re hideous – which I sincerely doubt you are. I feel bad enough already feeling like I’m way too heavy for my size (as in too much mass for the amount of space around the middle) and so uncomfortable getting up, I don’t need to know I’m bigger than normal from others.
I guess what I am saying is I’d roll my eyes about L, but I’d definitely be tempted to tell M, “Yeh, and you should wear a cover-up too. It seems like you’re not quite managing your love handles, and no one likes a muffin top,” but maybe try the, “Why would you say something like that?” line first.
Post # 6
may make you feel more normal in the way you’re feeling. Overall, I’ve found that while the things people say to me are completely inappropriate, a lot of the time I’m guilty of allowing the conversation to even happen because I set myself up for it.
For example, people ask a simple question, “Are you going to wear your bikini?” I give a simple answer, “I haven’t decided yet.” This may still provoke some kind of “well you really shouldn’t” answer, but it doesn’t result in any bashing. So now when people ask about gender, names, nursery theme, birth plan, etc. instead of giving them the REAL answer and then hear how stupid my ideas are I just give a generic, “we’re still deciding…” it keeps me sane 🙂
Post # 7
Did you and L take biology? Do you know about X and Y chromosomes and where they come from?
I learned about how sex is determined in 7th grade and I’m extremely troubled over the first paragraph.
Post # 8
I, too, am curious about the ages of your friends. These sound like thoughts/ideas a young person not even close to being ready to have children would have! I would suggest to the first friend that she NOT have children. Yes, there may be some things she can do to promote have girls; however, they are not guaranteed and I would hate to see what happens when she finds out there is a boy in there! But again, a little age and maturity may fix this. Your second friend obviously has body issues. Don’t let it rub off on you! Pregnant=beautiful!
Post # 9
I’m pregnant and if I were you, I’d have to stay away from them.
Worrying about NOT having a boy? What is she going to do, give it away if it isn’t a boy? geez, grow up! Just worry about the baby being healthy…SO manythings can happen to a baby, boy/girl should be the last thing someone should be havign a panic attack over. When she gets pregnant, she has a LONG way to go! And why is she hating on you having a boy? She doesn’t have to take care of him!
Talking about how horrible your body looks? You’re regnant, it’s not going to look like it used to because there’s a BABY in there! She needs to get a life.
Both of them are a couple of jerks.
Post # 10
People can be so mean, they may think that it doesnt hurt your feelings, but i would be upset if someone said that to me. Its hard enough for me to get dressed and see the stretch marks on my inner thighs without someone telling me wow, those are bad!
I actually had a male business associate tell me, “you dont really need to eat like “they” (doctors) tell you or else your going to be huge and you will never look the same.” Just work out a ton and eat like you normally do or less.”
I just shrugged it off the best i could, it still upset me, but i just remeber he doesnt have an MD after his name.
As to the friend that would be devastated with a boy, just wait until she is pregnant, you really dont get a choice in if its a boy or girl, and so many people try for so many years to just have a baby, maybe she will realize how silly she sounds.
Post # 11
L need helps
M just has zero social skills
Post # 12
Wow, I think someone else mentioned it – I was very curious to know how old these girls are as well because they do sound like they’re 15 years old. This is not how mature women act. And to the one that only wants a girl?! She better focus on having a healthy baby first and wishing for that before a gender. Again, it just sounds completely immature and I’m not pregant now and I’m not overly sensitive but you have a right to feel that you were invaded emotionally in a newer life change. I bet you look beauitful and you have your DH to tell you that as well. Take whatever pictures you want, do whatever in life that you want and don’t let them stop you. This is about you, your DH and your little guy in your belly. Enjoy every second of this pregnancy!
Post # 13
I’m not pregnant and have never been pregnant, but hearing what your friends said upsets ME! Obviously you need to sit down and talk with L about the having a boy situation… Her comments are just uncalled for.
As for your friend M, she is obviously uncomfortable with the fact that you are pregnant, and might even have serious body image issues herself so she is projecting her feelings onto you in your very vulnerable state. I would bring up the fact that you really need support right now and not criticism… you appreciate her “honesty” but it’s not what you need. If she can’t do that for you then tell her that it’s not something you need to talk about and maybe ya’ll shouldn’t hang out as much until the baby comes, because it seems like she is super freaked out that there is a baby in your belly… Weird that she’s freaked out by it, but it is what it is.
I’m sure you look beautiful (as all pregnant women do!) just own the belly and your body WILL go back to normal!
Post # 14
First of all, congrats on your pregnancy and finding out you’re having a boy! That’s wonderful news! Secondly, your friends are being completely ridiculous right now. L has a very unrealistic and frankly, rather concering attitude towards having cihldren. Sure people can have prefences as to what they would like to have, but ultimately, as a parent, you should be prepared to love your child unconditionally, regardless of sex, health etc… Regardless of L’s bizarre thought pattern, it is completely selfish, rude, and inconsiderate to express sorrow and pity for you because you’re having a boy! What on earth! I can’t even begin to comprehend how someone feels that is ok. Maybe you need to distance yourself from this girl for a while… Tell her you are over the moon about having a son and as she is so clearly distressed by this prospect, you feel it best to stay away from her for a while. Tell her you’re afraid your ‘boy carrying hormones’ may rub off on her and you’d hate for that to happen so it’s best to distance yourself! lol 😉
As far as the other girl – tactless is the only way I can describe her. Maybe next time you discuss something that’s changed in your body and she asks to see, you should tell her no because her previous comments have been rather upsetting to you and you would rather have her just listen to your vents without offering further criticism. UGH! Maybe when you she complains about something – anything – you should point out further flaws she hadn’t thought of (i.e. if she says she’s hungover, you can say “yeah, I noticed you have really dark circles today and your skin is looking rather sallow” etc) That may teach her about having some tact. Personally, I think pregnant women are absolutely gorgeous and these two girls just have a bit of growing up to do…. hopefully it happens before either of them have kids!!
Post # 15
That’s insane. Your friends seem to be very selfish. Granted they may have never experienced it, but you would think they would be reassuring, and supportive. I mean I would be supportive to ANY woman pregnant, self concious of her body, and the sex of her child, not only a friend. I can’t believe the audacity of these woman. I don’t believe they can be real friends, sorry!