- 6 years ago
I’m a regular poster, but posting under another name to keep myself anonymous since my other name identifies me to much.
I’ll try to summarize this as best and quickly as possible. My parents are paying for my entire wedding. They offered up a set sum of money as a “gift” to use as I wish, so I could have a wedding or put it in savings or whatever. They have made it clear that they are disappointed in my decision to have a wedding and would prefer I use it to buy a house. BUT – having a wedding is something important to FI and myself and I know I would later regret not having a wedding.
I’ve been on my own for over 10 years, and since I’ve been with my FI I’ve never asked for money or anything really from them. I understand it’s very generous of them to offer this money, but they are making me feel guilty about spending it. Normally I would just spend my own money, but I am a full time grad student and my FI is supporting us both while I go to school. I’m almost done and hoping to have a job soon, but with the economy the way it is I can’t rely on this. I feel as though if I had my own money, my problems would be solved.
Since they really didn’t want me to have a wedding everything has been a fight. We wanted to get married in our home city despite my mom trying to convince us to get married in the city we live now (a destination city for some). We wanted to get married in the city, she wanted us to get married in the suburbs. Finally we found a place that was reasonably priced and came to an agreement, booked the venue and set a date.
Now the dress. I’ve tried on 200+ dresses, no joke. I’m not skinny and a lot of things don’t fit me well. I wanted a bigger ballgown dress, she wanted me to wear something more fitted, I like some pick-ups, she hates them. Finally I found a dress I knew she would love and it looks awesome on me. It needs some alternations to work, but it’s only $1000 (marked way down). I thought for sure we would come to an agreement on this, but now she is telling me that with alternations and everything, it’s way to expensive and I should be planning to spend no more then $1000 or $1200 including alterations. I’m frusterated because I don’t understand why she couldn’t have said this 200 dresses ago, instead waiting until I’ve found a dress that we both agree looks awesome to tell me it’s a waste of money. To be clear – she’s not saying no, she’s just making me feel awful about it. Is $1000 really an outrageous amount to spend on a dress?
Lastly I know she upset that my FI’s family isn’t contributing to the wedding. But she knows his background. He comes from a poor family, was raised by a single mother who lost custody of him and his siblings when he was 13 and she is no longer alive. He reconnected with his father as an adult, but he is not close to him. His father also lives a very modest lifestyle and I don’t know that he has money to contribute. My mother was upset when she learned that two of his nieces are in the wedding party. She’s told me she feels like we’re making plans to cater to his family (one of MANY reasons we wanted to get married in our home town was so they could attend). He has more siblings then me, he has nieces and nephews, I don’t. He is close with cousins, I am not. I know she doesn’t like that his family is a 1/4 of the guest list – but it’s OUR wedding, his family should be there – right?
I’m just frustered with her. I thought i had found the dress and now I either have to start over from scratch with a much lower budget or else decide not to wear a wedding dress at all. I just feel as though she wants to make me feel bad about everything because I’m making different choices then she would make. I don’t know what to do other then delay planning anything more until I have a job, at which point it may be to late. I need to order a dress soon, I’m running out of time.
Thanks for reading.