Vent: Oh it's cool… just our anniversary…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

LoL – kinda reminds me of my husband…. we’ve had one too many arguements becuase he got me NOTHING for birthday, anniversary, valentines, you name it. Are you sure he doesn’t think that the trip somehow counted? Cus that would be extremely similar to my husband.

The man doesn’t understand that all i really want is something small and thoughtful that i can remember the night by… i don’t care if its some dumb 5 dollar thing from walmart. He’d rather have an “event” or “DO” something. He would literally plan a trip that HE wants to go on, Ignore me when I say what I want to do on said trip… and then tell me THAT was my gift…. Are you kidding me? I wanted to go to the beach and you refused. How is that a gift for ME? All he thinks that matters is that i want him to spend money on me and the trip cost money.

We are very straightforward now… we assume nothing. and he knows that he needs to get me a card – although he still does forget a lot. We say YES we are exchanging GIFTS and NO a trip doesn’t count unless specifically stated and we set dollar amounts.

Post # 4
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

No advice but I could see how you’d be upset. Especially since you got him something.

Post # 6
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Does he know your love language is gifts?  I agree with PP that sometimes men just don’t get it.  I am trying to be more direct when talking to my husband about something that bothers me.  Its hard!  I think you need to say something.   Do it when you are both relaxing and be calm and direct. 

 “Honey, something is bothering me and I want to talk about it.  Our anniversary is over now and I am disappointed that I did not receive anything from you.  As you know, I love gifts, especially ones you pick out for me and wrap or make special somehow.”

Men!  😉

Post # 8
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@RenoSweeney24:  I can understand this. I had a tie between acts of service and gifts with my love languages. I know some people think it sounds greedy but I think that when you go out of your way to give not only a nice gift but a thoughtful one you are naturally going to expect the same in return. I also think that gift giving is a way to show that person that you really do know them, the things they like and so on. I know that my DH is notorious for buying things last minute without any regard to what I really like.

It sucks when you put a lot of time in to something special and you don’t feel special in return. I would let him know that you weren’t satisfied with this anniversary as far as the plans and gifts were concerned so that you don’t have to feel this way in the furture. It may hurt his ego and his feelings but at least you are talking about it.

Post # 10
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think the love languages shouldn’t be relied on so heavily sometimes – like you shouldn’t say that “your love languague is gifts” and use it as a reason he should have known better. Hmm, OK – maybe I should say that I try not to do that, because it makes it more about acheiving a mysterious goal (all of them can be pretty abstract – like how much time counts for my “quality time?”) than about helping to fufill my/his needs.

I don’t think most guys work that way.

Instead, I think you should really sit down with him and let him know that he hurt you by not getting you a physical token of affection for your anniversary – even if it was just a card or a little love note, you wanted something to make you feel special.

Can you give him a rain check to make it up to you?
If he asks, I’d request a hand written love letter from him – I don’t think that’s a big thing to ask for, and it has the additional benefits of saving his tuckus (if it’s well written) and mollifying your hurt (if it’s thoughtful).

A book that I felt integrated very well with the Love Languages book (actually it referred me to the love languages) was Communication Miracles for Couples – it helps us to learn how to be more open and more attuned to what the other person needs.
Just a thought! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 1995

Just srnd him an email telling him u lobve him and u had a nice weekend too. Tell him u hope he liked his capaccino machine and -“oh by the way here is the link to the keys I like- it will make a wonderful keepsake to remind me always if our special 3rd anniversary weekend”. That should make things perfectly clear 😉

Post # 12
Member
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 1995

Hee hee – LOVE him !

Post # 14
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@RenoSweeney24:  Not a comment on your post, but you used David as a gift, and I just had to give props for that.  🙂

Post # 16
Member
4601 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It seems like he probably thinks your trip was a gift. Sometimes men can be a little clueless. For example, money was really tight around our anniveraries because it’s so close to Christmas. so FH and I agreed that we wouldn’t do anything special for our anniversary. I still bought him a card, his favorite candy and I bought him a movie he really wanted. He really didn’t do anything at all. I had to tell him that nothing special didn’t mean absolutely nothing, and so he ran out, bought me a book I’d been wanting and some flowers. He felt bad about it, but he saw nothing wrong with it because birthdays and anniversaries were never big deals for him growing up or even now. Now, he always gets me something, even if it is just a card with a nice note in it (and FH is not good with the romance, but it’s always sweet when he does dig it out of himself). He welded me a little heart once that I keep on my keys. 

I’m going to second CakeyP: Instead, I think you should really sit down with him and let him know that he hurt you by not getting you a physical token of affection for your anniversary – even if it was just a card or a little love note, you wanted something to make you feel special.

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