Post # 1
So yesterday my maid of honor told me she is pregnant and it likely happened about 5 to 6 weeks ago which will put her due date with in 2 weeks of my wedding. After talking with her on the phone she still thinks she can push this kid out and be there for me, me on the otherhand realize this is just not going to happen. This is her first child, she’s gonna be uncomfortable and I’m sorry but there is no way anyone can push out a baby and be part of an all day event, when you’re gonna have to pump every 2 hours and not to mention the hormones flying around and lack of sleep, I know that most of my friends did not even leave their childs side for near to 6 months after giving birth, at least with their first child.
I’m happy for my friend but at the same time we had discussed this prior to her getting married. I got proposed to a couple months after she did. I asked her to be my maid of honor. A few weeks later she told me she couldn’t do it if I was gonna get married in the same year as her because shes stressed out about planning her wedding. I told her that this year would be her year and I would wait til the following year (i’d waited 7 years for that proposal, what’s another year) So I told her that since I waited a year I asked her not to get pregnant right away. She said she had no plans on getting pregnant right away. Pretty soon on facebook I start seeing posts about her wondering if she’s gonna get pregnant soon. She even came to my house for a visit and told me that she is taking precautions not to get pregnant because she doesn’t want to be prego and about to pop near my wedding day. She said that if they were gonna try they were gonna do it a few months down the line. Trying a few months from now was fine with me, I’m not gonna tell someone they can’t have a baby because it’s my day, but all I asked was for her to wait a little while. But then yet another FB post about how she had a good day and and wanted love and affection and didn’t care if condoms were involved showed up.
I got angry, that she’s doing exactly what she said she wouldn’t do, and now she’s prego and due very near my date. I guess I just feel like this is the same old thing over and over again. She’s a person that loves the spotlight and peoples attention. When she got married it was very much about her and only her, if I even mentioned my wedding plans she’d nearly bite my head off, it felt like I wasn’t allowed to be happy or even talk about my dreams for my wedding, so for an entire year I didn’t speak to her about how happy I was or what plans I had already made. So the one time I needed her to make time for me she turned around and made it all about her again. She’s a very competitive person by nature and I just feel like she’s always trying to upstage someone, I don’t even know if she realizes that she does it sometimes.
So now I have to try and get her to realize that her having the responsibility of being the maid of honor is going to be too much for her and ask her to step down and be an honorary bridesmaid.
Also, my bachelorette party was going to be in late June which is when she should be about ready to give birth. And my bridal shower will now likely be in the same month as her baby shower. We share so many friends in common I feel like I’m going to have to compete for their attention and their atttendance at my shower and bachelorette party.
Sorry it so long but I just needed to get that out, Sorry if it doesn’t make a ton of sense, I didn’t sleep well, since all this was rattling around in my head last night.
Post # 3
Yikes. You’re seriously accusing your Maid/Matron of Honor of getting pregnant to “upstage” you?
If this is how you talk about your closest friends, I’d hate to be your enemy…
ETA – you obviously don’t like this chick all that much – if you want to replace her, you should.
Post # 4
I am sorry that you feel like she never puts you first in anything. I have a friend like that and it is grating. I would ask her to step down and just be a guest provided that she can attend at all.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia
I am in a similar situation, although in my case it is a bridesmaid and not Maid/Matron of Honor.
The truth, aside from “she always does this, she seeks attention”, is that she realistically will not be able to perform the duties/responsibilites of Maid/Matron of Honor. You need to have a conversation with her that says basically that. And then pick another one of your girls to step up.
She can still be a bridesmaid, and if she can’t attend the wedding, so be it.
My bridesmaid isn’t pregnant yet, but is planning on starting to try for her second child in January/February, (last time she got pregnant immediately) which would either make her just about to pop or in labor for my October wedding. I am not about to dictate when she should conceive. So, we are just going to see what happens. If I end up with uneven numbers, so be it. There are worse things in the world. 🙂
Post # 6
Unfortunatley things like this happen. You waited to have you wedding in respect to her. She probably didn’t mean to get pregnant as soon as she was married but it happens all the time. Just be there for each other. You both have amazing things going on and don’t hold it against her. I have a feeling she wouldn’t hold it against you. Best of luck!
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
@plcadinha: You asked her to wait to get pregnant?! Oy…
Post # 8
Is this for real? You seriously think that you can dictate someone else getting pregnant? Sorry it didn’t work out the way you planned.
Post # 9
Last time I looked, as an Adult I was not responsible to REPORT to anyone in regards to my sex life… (and my choices to reproduce or not)
I’m quite frankly amazed that you feel that your Girlfriend needs to with you
Shes a married lady, getting on with her own life
I’m sorry if you don’t feel that she took your feelings / needs under consideration
BUT I do think you have an unrealistic image of an Adult Friendship (you cannot DICTATE things to her)
I think at this point in time, you need to suck it up and move on
Either you are her friend and want her as a Maid/Matron of Honor (and that means NO RESENTMENT… you really should be happy she’s in LOVE and having a baby)
OR you go out and find someone else to be in your Bridal Party
Post # 10
@BartenderPlease: I’m not accusing her of upstaging me. It’s just a matter of fact that she likes the spotlight and I tend to shy away from it, that’s our relationsship and I’m fine with. I just wanted my friend to be there for me on the one day that is about me, I don’t feel that’s alot to ask. I’m not standing there and yelling at her how dare you do this to me, I’m actually very happy for her, she wanted this for a while now.
I’m just upset that she told me one thing and did exactly the opposite. Accidents happen, I get it, but when you blatently put it out there on FB for everyone to see, how can I not feel like she wasn’t really taking the precautions she said she was in order for this entire situation not to happen.
Post # 11
@plcadinha: soo…because she’s excited about being pregant and put it on facebook, that means she got pregnant on purpose? And how are what “precautions” she took ANY of your business, wedding or not? I’m sorry, I really am having a hard time wrapping my head around this. If you don’t want her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, ask her to step aside, but do so knowing that it will probably end your friendship. However, if she knew how you felt about her pregnancy, that would probably end the friendship anyway.
Post # 12
You can’t expect this girl to plan her life around your wedding. You were kind enough to postpone your wedding for her sake, but that was your decision. She probably felt pressured to say one thing when she really wanted the other.
Post # 13
Thank you to the girls with womething costructive and helpful to say. I have these feelings and who is to say that I’m not allowed to or shouldn’t. They are there so I have to deal with them.
It’s not like I asked my friend to wait an entire year. I put my plans on hold out of respect for her, to make sure I could devote 100% of my attention to what she need from me. All I asked of her was to try and wait a couple of months to get pregnant so that this situation could be avoided. But it’s here and I have to deal with it. I’m just struggling with how to deal with it. She still thinks she can be there for me, but I want her to concentrate on herself, she’s kind of a stress case, I saw how she stressed out with her wedding, I don’t want her to stress helping me with mine and worriying about what comes along with having a baby.
Post # 14
last time I checked… a friend wouldn’t dictate when another friend can and can’t have a baby b/c of a wedding. Maybe she changed her mind… SO WHAT! She already said she’s going to try her hardest to make it! Honestly if I were your friend and all you asked me was for me to wait a little while. I’d laugh in your face and say “Then I guess we really aren’t friends” Babies are a decision between ME and MY SPOUSE and noone else.
PS: as for you putting your plans on hold for her… she never asked you to do it… She actually did the right thing and suggested that she may not be able to help you out as much as a Maid/Matron of Honor should. YOU are the one who decided to put your wedding on hold.
Post # 15
From what the OP is stating it sounds like the girl told her she was going to wait to TTC, then made comments on FB that she and her husband were having unprotected sex. She said one thing then did another. Of course the OP is upset. Her friend lied to her.
Post # 16
Your first mistake was postponing your wedding date by a year just to accomodate her. I could understand picking a different month, but a year??