VENT ppl asking why they didnt get invitations, plus ones

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MIbee2013:  lol. what you’re saying to them is more than reasonable. its your wedding, and you don’t have to explain yourself.

my cousin asked why her baby wasn’t invited, and i said as a rule we didn’t invite any ‘children’ who weren’t in their teens. (my youngest cousin is 13). sorry sistah!

Post # 5
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MIbee2013:  OOOHHHH she’s already married, friend! just a tiger mother! -_-

Post # 6
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

There are a few people who aren’t getting +1s to my wedding that have talked like they are. It’s a little frustrating. We have groups of friends (e.g. 5-6 of my friends from college) who are single and won’t get +1s. It’s not just to save money, I just know they haven’t all been together in a while will have a better time hanging out without random dates people don’t know.

Basically no one’s getting a +1 unless they’ve been dating someone seriously for a while, it’s someone we would have invited anyway, they’re a single older adult (40s-50s), or it’s someone who’s not really part of any group.

Post # 7
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MIbee2013:  I would keep your answer very simple: ” We aren’t able to invite everyone we would like to be with us on our wedding day.”  Just keep repeating the same sentence no matter what they say.

Don’t make excuses about venue, budget etc. Too many people will go into their problem solving mode and offer to pay for their plus one’s plate, or squish extra people at their table.

Post # 8
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We’re in this same situation!  Our guest list is super small (50 people), and we’re having a huge problem with extended family and +1’s.

My fiance comes from a very large and “troubled” family, and there are always fights going on and grudges being held, etc, and he hasn’t seen many of them in years.  So, because of this, he decided to only invite family members who he is close to (his parents, grandparents and one set of cousins).  Now, of course, random family members are coming out of the woodwork asking where their invitation is!!  Sure, random aunt that I’ve never met before and hasn’t spoken to my fiance in 10 years, we’d love to have you at our super intimate wedding and of course you can bring your 7 kids and 15 grandkids… Geez.  

Now, our best friend suddenly wants to bring his new flavor-of-the-week girl to the wedding.  We decided early on that no one would get random +1’s, and only those in long-term relationships could bring dates.  Since it’s such an intimate wedding, everyone who is invited knows and is friends with each other, so it’s not like he wouldn’t have anyone to talk to.  After telling him “no” in 3 or 4 different ways, he went so far as to say that he would bring a folding chair for her and get McDonald’s for her on the way to the wedding so we wouldn’t have to pay for her dinner!  All I can think is that poor girl – Could you imagine going to a wedding with a guy you just started dating, where you didn’t know anyone and had to sit awkwardly on a folding chair eating fast food?  

Post # 9
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’d wait for the RSVPs to come back from those guests and deal with the +1 situation then. “Unfortunately our venue has a strict capacity limit, and both FI and I come from huge families. We weren’t able to even invite all of our family members. We hope you can still make it!”

Post # 10
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MIbee2013:  I am so, so sick of people asking about plus ones. It isn’t damn prom, and if you need a companion to enjoy my wedding full of people you already know and don’t need to travel for, don’t bother coming. A woman my FMIL isn’t even really friends with anymore, but who we’re inviting out of obligation volunteered her kids, who won’t be invited, to bartend as their (the kids’) wedding gift to us. Never mind her daughter is underage. Also, our invitations aren’t even out yet, so how died she know she’s invited? She’s not a close friend of the family anymore, and when FFIL invited her & her hubby for breakfast, she sent her kids instead.

The next person to ask if they get a plus one is gonna get a face full of me yelling, “We haven’t even sent out our invites yet! And it’s not a prom!!” …or something more charming, less scream-y, and more fitting for the demure bride-to-be I aspire to.

Post # 16
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

This has been one of the most frustrating parts of wedding planning!  Argh! 

The whole guest list thing was so stressful so just decided to stop caring.  My entire immediate family and all of my close friends are invited.  That’s enough. 

It just clicked one day that we’re paying for the wedding ourselves and we’re not rich. These people complaining about the guest list obviously don’t care about our budget or capacity limits.  So, I’m not gonna care about their +1s or try to bend over backwards to try to invite any one else. 

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