Post # 1
Why my lovely fellow bees WHY! Why must everything with FMIL be an issue!
We have history, it’s not pretty and its really really long so I’ll summarize by saying we have clashing personalities. She feels like she can say ANYTHING to me that comes across her mind (example: “How much do you make a year?” “You’ve really put on a lot of weight. that can’t be healthy”) really she’s a peach. She has no censor at all. Some things you just don’t say because it’s rude: normal people know this. Apparently she does not- at least thats what she claims (I think she’s just rude and doesn’t care but whatever).
Anyway she calls me at 630am (is that ever even neccesary unless someone has died!) and heres our conversation:
her “I’m thinking of getting a cream colored gown for the wedidng. It’s called pearl is that ok?’
Me: “Actually my dress color is called “pearl” so I’d perfer you didn’t.
Her: “Ok then I’ll get it in amethyst”
*** I realize at this point shes trying to annoy me***
Me: Ummm Tara the bridesmaids are wearing that exact color “amethyst”
Her: ok well then I’ll do plum
Me; I’d rather you not wear any shade of purple. How about a silver?
Her: Ok well then you just pick my gown for me since at 55 years old I obviously can’t dress myself. CLICK
I roll my eyes and go back to sleep like any normal human being does on their day off.
WTF… like really WTF. I can’t even be bothered with it. I have a feeling in my gut she’s gonna show up in tie dye just to make a point.
Lord help me get through these next 4 months!
Post # 3
why do you care if she wears any shade of purple? shes the mother of the groom so you shouldnt have to dictate her dress colours to her i would have thought – am i wrong???
Post # 4
@eloping: um, I think it would be really weird for the MOG to match the bridesmaids. . .and I *do* think that is one thing a bride is allowed to ‘suggest’ to the MOG.
to the OP: that sounds AWFUL! she calls you at 6:30 AM? and then hangs up on you? what a piece of work.
Post # 5
I agree. Another shade of purple would be nice. But then again, she DID ask so you should be able to tell her. I don’t think you were dictating, since she asked.
A call at 6:30- is a call for attention, if you ask me. She just wants attention. Geesh, most women grow out of that way before 55.
Post # 6
First step: Don’t answer the phone at 6:30am on your day off. If you feel compelled to, once you’ve figured out that no one has died, tell her you’re busy right now and will call her back later. It sounds like the two of you have enough history that it’s difficult to have a conversation with her at any time, but certainly you don’t need to have it when you’re asleep.
Have you suggested a shopping trip together? It might be painful for you, but she might love the attention, and it could be a much more productive way of dealing with the issue (you could suggest other colors you see there instead of just saying no to everything she says). Plus, you could schedule it at a time when you’re awake.
Post # 7
I agree with @hellorebecca all the way.
I’m sorry you are going through this. Hopefully you can stay strong; weddings have a tendency to bring out the darker side of people.
Post # 8
My best advice for you considering I don’t know the entire story; would be the following: Make sure you acct as the mature person while standing your ground and also make sure that you discuss this or any other matter with your future husband and have his back.
Post # 9
I will definitely be praying for your patience and for her…
Post # 10
@eloping: I agree. I don’t think it really matters what she wears, and a complimentary shade can only look good in photos. I’d be more concerned about her wanting to wear a shade that DIDN’T match, but I guess that’s me?
Post # 11
Call her back the next day — at 6am. Tell her you’ve thought it over and would love her to be happy in a dress of any color and, if she wants to meet you somewhere to try on dresses, that would be a blast. Wish her a good day. Then, hang up and take a deep breath. Whatever she wears, leave it to her to explain herself. If she matches the bridesmaids, she’s the one that will look the fool — not you. Likewise if she shows up in tie-dye or pearl. What matters most is that you look fabulous, and you will, and that you are happy, because it is your day and you deserve it. 😉 Hang in there!
Post # 12
Honestly she sounds like a nightmare she knew full well that she had chosen inappropriate colours. I dont think a shopping trip is a good idea, you could look at your relationship with her as a funny joke to keep your friends amuzed It reminds me of Mother in Law with Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda lol.
Post # 13
@cornflakegirl I totally agree!!!
Post # 14
Let her wear whatever she wants. Let her look like a fool if she decides to try to match either your gown or the BM gowns. What MOG does that?