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I feel exactly the way you do. It's chosen ignorance......and it's rude.
It just isn't common in some circles. My family wouldn't let you hear the end of it if you didn't send a written thank you note. The boy's family is more a fan of the verbal thank you.. such is life :/
In my family circle it is definately a verbal thank you most people get. However, if I personally get big, unexpected gifts I always make sure I at least get a card off in the mail.
It's seems and is unfortunate that common etiquette is deemed old fashioned nowadays. However, since you mentioned it was just earlier this summer the thank you notes might still be on their way... In my experience, it has not been uncommon to get thank you notes several months after the event! Though it would be more proper to send then off before or during your honeymoon, I feel it might be at least better late than later..
This is something that gets under my skin as well. I try to give the benefit of the doubt for 1 year, things happen. Oh man, Fiance's family is terrible about thank yous. He thinks a phone call is sufficient enough thanks, apparently that's my in-laws mentality. I told him "NO! That is unacceptable and good manners tells you to formally, handwrite a thank you to every person who attends and/or gives a gift." My future SIL has two kids and they never write thank yous, they're kind of bratty anyways but ugh! I have always sent written thank yous to his parents and his grandmother whenever I stay at their home during the holidays and acknowledge any gifts they have given me.
Ugh I hate this too!!
My FI and I went to one of his cousin's weddings earlier this year, the bride wrote 1 big thank you note to one member of his family and thought it covered everyone's gifts. Umm...no.
It drives me crazy!!
By "early this summer" do you mean just a few weeks ago?
We got most of our thank you notes from last year's weddings more than 6 months after the wedding, and it took us some time to get ours out also for many different reasons. Also consider that maybe they're waiting for their pro pics for their thank you cards. Although we got to see some of ours a month or so later, we didn't have them on dvd in a form we could use for cards for months. There could be many reasons why you haven't gotten a card yet, but if it's only a few weeks, I don't think it's a breach of etiquette.
And no, for those gifts we didn't send thank you notes out for months -- we didn't use the gifts until we did (although we deposited the checks because otherwise they would expire and no longer be accepted by the bank).
If you have mutual guests from the events for which you have not received thank yous, it will be noted that you were prompt. I got an acknowledgement from one friend who commented that I "beat" another couple who got married 3 weeks before we did.
I am guilty of depositing checks before mailing thank you notes. We deposited them the day before we left for our honeymoon (2 days after the wedding). Most of the notes were written on our cruise. I did ask my mom if we should wait to deposit we did . . . I thought about waiting until after we returned. Still, all but 10 were written and mailed within 5 weeks of our wedding and the rest were sent a week later. Thank yous for all gifts received at least 10 days before the wedding were sent before the wedding. Even though we had under 200 guests, I had to write more than 110 notes!
I feel as though for some reason this has gone out of fashion - though I had received notes almost exactly a year later. It is one of my pet peeves!
Well, as a summer bride (June 12) who is still working on thank you notes, I think it's pretty early to expect TY notes already. The graduation party I could see the but give the wedding ones the benefit of the doubt. If in 6 months you STILL don't have a TY card, then I'd be pissed...
Shoot I got married May 14th and am working on the last of my thank you notes (have about 10 more to do). When you have like 200 thank you notes to write and I wanted to personalize them and everything between whatever else we have had going on it takes awhile for sure. I didn't do any the first two weeks past the wedding because we were on our honeymoon and had left all of the gifts/money at home with our family. They also cashed the checks right away (so before we had sent out any thank yous) because we didn't want to cash them past the first month so that it wouldn't screw people up with their monthly bank accounts and such. If it gets past 3 months I would start to wonder about it, but I wouldn't be mad or think badly of the couple if they sent them out within a couple of months or so.
I, too, would be interested to know what you mean by "early this summer." I got married Memorial Day weekend, and I'm still working on thank you notes--it's been 6 weeks since my wedding, and honestly? I've had about 47,000 things to do. They will go out before the 2 month mark, but I would be a little hurt if any of our guests gave me a hard time about this--thank you notes are important but they aren't what my world revolves around. I would give the people whose events you attended a little more time before you freak out--receiving thank you notes is lovely, I agree, but I wouldn't let it upset you to this point.
I'm wondering if the etiquette of thank-you notes is cultural as well as regional these days? Thinking back, since arriving in the Netherlands I've been to 3 weddings and in all 3 we've given at least 100 euro gifts to each couple. I have never gotten a thank-you card and at least 1 couple never even gave us a verbal thank you.
Then, thinking back to the weddings I've attended in the US over the years, I can probably count on one hand how many times I've gotten a written thank you.
Maybe it's a tradition that's sadly dying out?
How early this summer? I got married on 6/19 and just got back from my honeymoon and I probably won't finish our thank you notes until August because there are so many to write. I'm starting the first batch this weekend. As far as cashing checks, I think people would rather you cash the check right away so it doesn't screw up their bank balance. I hate when I give a check as a gift and it doesn't get cashed for over a month-thank you card or not!
I 2nd Flamingred - we actually cashed the checks immediatley to be polite. We left for our honemoon right away and knew we wouldn't even OPEN our wedding presents for a few weeks after the wedding since they were all mailed to my parents house in PA or brought to the wedding and immediately taken back to my parents house without being opened.
So on our 1 month anniversarry today we have mailed out about 2/3's of our TY cards and the rest will be done by the end of this week. Considering we didnt' even see our gifts until the 4th of July I think that's pretty good!
I'm going to have to join the bandwagon with some of the other ladies and ask when the wedding was? I was married on May 29, probably considered an early summer wedding, and our thank you notes are ALMOST completed...but not quite. It definitely depends on how many guests you had and how many gifts you received. We had over 300 of each...and I can tell you it takes time to write a proper thank you to 300 people. We are waiting until ALL of ours are completed to send them out, because most of our guests live locally and know each other, so we don't want them to get talking about who received a thank you already and who didn't. I would never have dreamed that life right after the honeymoon could be as crazy as BEFORE the wedding, but it happened to us, and it's made newlywed life quite a challenge. There are a lot of factors surrounding thank yous being written...I'd say give them the benefit of the doubt. .
I too am not trying to rush to get all my thank you notes out the door once we get back from our honeymoon! I mean yes, don't wait a year but once you get back from your honeymoon there are a million things to do (name change, unwrap gifts, clean apt of boxes, dry cleaners, DMV, paperwork, returns/exchanges etc). While thank you notes are high in priority lots of people need time to have them ordered, purchase stamps, personally hand write 100-200!
I had never heard to wait until you send a TY before you cash the check. I wouldn't want my check hanging around for a month while the couple gets around to thank you. Also, a lot of the times don't couples take some wedding money to use on their honeymoon. So would you have to write all your thank yous before you leave for your honeymoon? Probably not going to happen.
My wedding was two weeks ago, and I definitely haven't started on them yet. I am waiting on my pro-pics to get here so I can use them. But that doesn't mean I am not going to write them. I said give your friends some more time before being mad about it.
Also, we just received a TY note this weekend from a wedding we attended in August of 09' which we gifted a check to the bride and groom, so if they waited until now to cash our check we wouldnt' be really happy about that!
Welllll...considering the first day of summer here was June 21st (?) , that's only a few weeks ago. I'd never expect a thank you so soon.
My daughter's wedding was May 21st and her pro proofs arrived last week,and wallets just this past weekend (she's sending them in the thank you cards), so hers will go out by the end of this week.
I don't think thanking people or writing thank you cards is a dying art, but many times things prevent people from sending them immediately. I got one from a bride over a year later (and THAT was annoying).
If it was early summer, I think it's a little soon to be expecting them. I know some people get them out right away, but it took me 3 months. Sorry if that's bad, but at least I sent them out! Lots of people don't.
I have a problem with this also. I don't understand how people can assume they're exempt from having to give a thank you card. I get it, they're horrible to write out, but to me they're necessary. I missed a bridal shower last May but I sent a gift, then attended their wedding with a gift... no thank you card for either one. So annoying.
I do notice that people of the younger generation do not send thank you cards at all. I went to two weddings last year and did not receive a thank you card. Our wedding was the end of May and i am just starting to write ours out. i think a thank you card is better than not acknowledging a persons gift at all.
Like PPs have mentioned, I think you're expecting the TY note too early. Give it a few months at least before getting insulted. It takes a lot of time to handwrite all those Thank Yous!
Yep! My brother was married in early May and it just occurred to me that we got NOTHING from his bride or from him in the way of a thank you. 
Considering the clusterf&%$ that was their wedding and how rude they were to their guests, I'm not that surprised. Still... What is wrong with people???
I agree about the thank you notes, and that they should be written in a timely fashion.
As far as checks, however, it is way more annoying to have an outstanding check for months, simply because the bride won't cash it until she sends the thank you. I will definitely be cashing my checks pronto so that no one has issues balancing their checkbooks.
I love Emily Post & really appreciate her guidelines on all things etiqutte, but especially when it comes to writing thank you notes:
http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/671-inside-weddings-expressing-gratitude
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Early this summer, fiance & I attended 2 wedding parties and a graduation party. Of course, we gave gifts. I still have not received any thank you notes from these people. The celebrants for these parties are people in their late 20's. How can they not know about the etiquette of thank you notes?
My fiance & I are having our wedding next year. I know I would be so ashamed to cash checks for our wedding or even start using the gifts if I have not sent out a thank you card to the people who gave us a the gift. IS BEING RESPECTFUL NO LONGER IN FASHION, PEOPLE? GRRRR!!!