Post # 1
To start off my bad waiting day, my oldest brother sent me a text message at 1 am explaining that he needs to talk to me ASAP. I waited till later that morining to respond, as I was already asleep. I later find out that he wants to ask his girlfiend of less than 7 months to marry him. I was stunned! Although I am only 22, I felt like my 31 year old brother was making a mistake. His girlfriend is a year younger than me, thus resulting in a 10 year age gap, not to mention my oldest brother has financial issues. My brother explained that he just wanted to have a “small” wedding. However, I still feel it is going to cause him even more financial strain. His house is currently in limbo, it could be foreclosed on at any point. He is also fighting a custody battle with his ex-girlfriend.
My other brother is currently engaged to his fiancee of 2 years. I feel they are ready for that next step. However, this brother feels that my oldest brother is old enough to make his own life decisions. I feel the same, but I cannot help but to pissed off because I have been with my current SO for 5.5 years! My SO literally just started saving up for an e-ring this February! Now I feel this is going to slow down the pace of my timeline, since my SO is afraid to steal anyone’s thunder. To top it off, both of my brothers are being helped out by my father. So when my time comes, their will be no funds set aside for my day. (My father is not a financial planner, and asking him to save for my future wedding is out of the question.)
Post # 3
As much as you want to be personally upset at what’s happening, unfortunately you need to smile and say congratulations. You can share your concerns with your brother sure (that perhaps he should wait to get his finances in order, do NOT mention anything concerning your fears that his proposing will take attention or money away from you) but you honestly don’t get a say. 7 months when he is 31 is really not that short of time… yea, she’s 21 and that may be a different story and maybe her parents will try to get them to slow down, but if they feel their relationship is ready, then they will do what they want to do.
You may want to have a conversation with your parents though and share your concerns about a future wedding. Do not assume that they are going to help fund you at all but you may want to start a conversation “I think Boyfriend or Best Friend might be getting ready to proposal in the next several months and I know BROTHER is proposing to his girlfriend so I just want to make sure we’re all on the same page rearding wedding funding.”
Post # 4
It is fast, but at least he isn’t super young so that’s one stat that is correlated to a higher divorce rate that he doesn’t have at least? Regardless, my SO’s parents were engaged after 2 months (married exactly one year later) and have been happily together for 27 years now. His grandparents were engaged after 10 DAYS and are coming up on their 50th wedding anniversary, so who knows.
I know it sucks because you’re waiting, but try not to judge his decisions too much & be supportive.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t worry too much….my bf’s brother (31) proposed to his gf of 9 months, and two months later the engagement was off 😉
7 months is a super short time especially considering the age gap…is this girl truly ready to commit to something as serious as marriage after she has only known your brother for not even a year!?!
ETA: I don’t think we can compare today’s relationships to those of 50 years ago…my grandparents got married after 2 months of knowing eachother and their marriage lasted 55 years- but we live in a different world today than they did back then…everything is so much more fast paced, people are constantly looking for the next bigger and better thing, life just isn’t as simple as it used to be and it complicates things IMO.
Post # 6
My dad proposed to my mom after 2 months. They got married after 6. They will celebrate their 30th anniversary a month after my wedding. Sometimes you just know.
Honestly, I think that your waiting status is may be clouding your judgement here….I don’t really think anyone but the two people in a relationship have the right to decide who is and isn’t ready to get married.
Post # 7
My Darling Husband proposed to me after we had been officially dating for 5 months…. It was 7 months from our first date. So obviously I don’t think it’s too fast 🙂 It was fast, but not too fast.
Post # 8
I felt the same way as you last year when a friend got engaged after 7 months and married several months after that. But they’re happily married now and honestly I don’t think its yours/mine or anyone else’s place to judge someone else’s financial situation or relationship. It can be hard while you’re waiting to see other people get engaged and married, but just because they get engaged doesn’t mean you can’t get engaged too. And honestly you don’t even know that she will say yes.
Post # 9
A lot of my guy friends hit 30 and all of a sudden were ready. Its different for guys. My brother was that way too. Hit a certain age, and when he knew – he KNEW. My best guy friend is 32, and proposed to his now wife after 4 months. He just knew.
I think the only reason you’re really upset about this is the “waiting” thing. I know it sucks, but its unfair to your brother to not be happy for him for that reason.
And one thing you’ll learn as you continue to get older, there really never is a “right time” when it comes to finances, etc. – thats the funny thing about life – there is alllllways SOMETHING that can be used as an excuse/reason not to get married or have children or buy a house or go on a vacation … (you get the idea).
Post # 10
Yes, sometimes when you know, you know — but taking all your brother’s other issues into account, it sounds like a bad idea right now. How much say you have in that though, is really up to how close you are to your brother. If it was my brother, I would voice my concerns and see if his head AND heart are in the right place, and he’s not just thinking impulsively. He shouldn’t just marry the first girl that comes along after he hits 30!
Post # 11
@wmk6: Ok…..your brother is 31 and if he wants to marry his gf you should just smile and say ‘congrats’ If it’s a mistake he will find out on his own!
You have been with your SO for 5.5 years, but since you’re so young that would make you what, 15 when you started dating? So no, it isn’t as if you should feel a need to rush into a wedding—you love each other, but you’re young and the world won’t end if you wait until you are in the right place in your life for marriage
Post # 12
@shirasagi: I have seen posts on this board (when the woman is the one waiting), that financial issues are no reason to delay the wedding.
Post # 13
@wmk6: I voted yes but I got engaged after 8 months (accepted proposal in state of shock) I am happy I did but I still think 7 months is usually too soon. I had known my Fiance for over 20 years so it was a bit different.
Post # 14
I think its all relative to where you are in your life.
when your 31, know you have found the one, and are ready to settle down, then no 7 months is not to quick.
However if your 20 and still wanting to party (so to speak) then yes maybe 7 months is a bit fast.
Age Gaps are nothing. There are 13 years between my SO and myself. And where we both are currently in our lives, we are the best match, he is my best friend. BUT we both agree. if I had been his age and we had met in his younger “playboy” days there is no way on this earth we would of got togther. He has DJed in nightclubs since he was 14 (yep you read that right) and in his younger days he was only interested in partying and pretty much screwing around. He wont give me a number…which tells me its high. HA. But while I know we would never og gotten together in his bad boy days, now he is more settled we have a deeper connection with each other then either one of us has ever experienced before.
My advice is to not get hung up on a number. Be happy for your brother, celebrate with him. Your day will come, don’t rush it. Weddings and Engagements are not a competition, and it sometimes befuddles me why some of us feel that they have to be.