Vent: Regret Dealing with Estranged/Confrontational Family

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@dearlydevoted:  I’m sorry that brought up such awful memories for you. 

honestly, (and I am a huge non-confrontation person) I would just tell her off yourself. Put her in her place. Tell her that it’s none of her buisness who you invite, etc. And if she has any  other questions to kindly visit your wedding website for more information. (and then I’d quickly make a wedding website!) You don’t need that kind of stress! 


Post # 4
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

I think I wold tell her I dont have the money for her plane and air-fare. I would then say I have to go as I am at work and DO NOT take any more of her calls. Not sure what cell phone company you have. I have AT&T. For $4.95 you can block I think it is 4 numbers. If it comes down to it that is what I would do. If she is asking for money for a room and airfare I doubt she will come to your wedding and you can enjoy your day. 

Post # 5
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@dearlydevoted:  i think the only option here is to answer the next phone call and say ‘i am not able to pay for your airfare or accomodation to the wedding. please stop calling me, it is making me anxious’. then put the phone down – and hopefully THEN your mother will back you up. 

if no one tells her, she will not stop calling. so you need to spit that sentence out and hopefully she’ll get the hint! 

i’m sorry this is so hard, it must be really anxiety inducing, but the only way to stop it, is to end it yourself.

Post # 7
1492 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@dearlydevoted:  I’m so sorry to hear this, you do not deserve this anxiety!

Give it to your aunt straight the next phone call, and if it doesn’t let up, change your phone number – huge nuisance now, but will give you peace of mind. Even if you block one aunt, that doesn’t prevent other family members from calling, so I’d rather change my phone number and give it to a select number of people than block a number.

Post # 8
2581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@dearlydevoted:  That sounds awful! It was good of your mum to say that she’d take the flack from your Aunt, but I think you need to have a serious talk with her and be clear that you don’t want these people there. You’ve not missed them for 15 years, you certainly aren’t going to suddenly start missing them now!

Post # 9
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

This is where spouses come in handy, imo. Don’t answer any of your aunt’s calls – have your FI do so, and be firm. Your aunt gets one more call to talk to someone, and it’s going to be your FI, who will say that you don’t have the money to pay for her airfare and hotel, nor anyone else’s, and that calling again will not make that magically change. The next time she calls, if it’s not to wish you a happy marriage and apologize for her appalling behavior, block her number and any other way for her to contact you.

It will (eventually) help, in that she will have to use intermediaries to contact you. Help make sure those intermediaries don’t waver, especially your mom, since they abused her too. But for now, enjoy getting married soon and tell the family that’s causing drama to back off.

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