Post # 1
So I just have to get this off my chest because it’s been bothering me for days. My boss and I have a very cool relationship. She’s my mom’s age and we are a lot a like so we constantly talk about personal life stuff and I consider her a professional mentor as well. So from time to time she asks me about how the wedding planning is going and about details like the venues we’re looking at and generally what we want and what we are planning.
Well, the other day she asked me what our wedding budget was! I got very uncomfortable because seriously, that is no one’s business but mine, FI’s and our families’. So I gave the non committal answer of “we have a range but no hard and fast budget.” I thought that would be the end of it. But she pushed further and said “oh just give me an idea of what the low end of the range is.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
I felt soooo uncomfortable and frankly didn’t know how to respond except to tell her. So i told her our low end number and her response was “good luck! if you can pull of a wedding for that amount then you should be a wedding planner because that would be a miracle.” I seriously almost cried and I’m a really tough cookie. I can’t believe that someone would ever say something like that. She made me feel sooo inadequate. Now this is besides the point but for what it’s worth our budget is fairly high for the national and local average although it’s by no means platinum wedding status. But seriously, even if i told her our budget was $5K how dare she say something like that.
I just responded that my friend had 50 more guests than we’re expecting and a smaller budget and pulled of an amazing wedding so i’m not worried, then i turned around and walked out of her office.
It’s days later and i’m still fuming about it so I just wanted to get it off my chest.
Has anyone ever made rude or inappropriate comments to you about your budget? How did you handle it?
Post # 3
We ended up spending about $15-17k on our wedding, when we had hoped for closer to $12k in the beginning… but then the guest list kept growing. But when I consider that we had a beachfront wedding with a reception hall directly on the water for 150 guest, and that figure included everything, from meals to my dress, to tux rental, limo rental, everything… I guess it isn’t THAT bad, but still hurts when we paid for the bulk of it ourselves after wiping our savings out last year to buy our house! But when people hear what we spent, they are like, “wow, you did ALL THAT for that little?!” Which is a compliment I guess, but still… I can see how you would be offended by your mentor’s comment. But hey, maybe you SHOULD go into wedding planning! Show her a thing or two!
Post # 4
@Meowkers: what a debbie downer! is she even invited? or married for that matter?dont let it bother you – you’ll have a fabulous wedding and she’ll still be a callous hag. lol!
Post # 5
We’re only spending about $9k and we had tons of people comment negatively on how that was SO expensive. I just shook my head and told them to look up the national average and then come tell me my wedding was expensive. My local average is even $12k so…. STFU.
Post # 6
It’s rude for people to talk about money at all, esp in the workplace. Once I bought a new pair of designer sunglasses and a coworker asked me how much the cost. I was really pissed off b/c that’s none of his business and it’s not like he was in the market for a pair of womens designer sunglasses, he jsut wanted to gossip. As far as wedding budget, we were TOTALLY silent on this issue, even to family. We either said we weren’t willing to discuss it or gave really vauge answers like “We’re trying to spend as little as possible” or “The budget goes up every day” or something like that.
Post # 7
Yep, in hindsight (and if anyone else asks), I would just reply, “Oh, we don’t really have a budget!”
As for your boss — I understand her tone may have been somewhat condescending, but why not just turn it around on her!? Another good reply, “Why, thank you for the compliment!”
Post # 8
Just remember next time something like this happens you always have the choice to openly say “I don’t feel comfortable discussing this with you” and leave it at that. It’s not her money, or her problem for that matter. It was an unnecessary comment.
You can do it! The Bees have faith in you!!
Post # 9
Good grief that was the rudest thing I have ever heard.
Post # 10
That is not right. It is no ones business what your budget is and to make a comment like that after basically forcing you to tell her something that you didn’t want to share is just inappropriate. The next time she says something or asks something, just tell her that you don’t feel comfortable discussing it with anyone other than your FI and leave it at that. How rude.
You will be able to pull of a magical wedding with that amount. Don’t even let her comment stress you out about that.
Good luck. 🙂
Post # 11
@Meowkers: I would have said: “Thanks! You just saved me $150 (or whatever it was going to cost you to invite her)” Then walked out and removed her from my guest list.
In the future, I would keep wedding talk with her to a minimum. People get very weird around weddings. If you feel uncomfortable telling her information just say so and that should be that.
Post # 12
i would tell her “well, if you gave me a raise i could move it up a bit”
Post # 13
My budget is under 6K… and I’m very proud of it.. Should I be ashamed that i’ve figured a way to have a classy wedding for less? I never tell anyone my budget anyway. No one has even asked me that before
Post # 14
You can have a beautiful, wonderful wedding on pretty much any budget. Because what matters is you marrying the love of your life. Ignore her!
Post # 15
Not cool. She never should have asked – that is totally crossing the line.
As for her comment though, don’t take it personally. I think I would have responded with, “Well, pay me more money and then I can have a larger wedding budget!”
Post # 16
Your boss was way out of line to say that! A similar thing happened to me, before I was even engaged the women in my office, our manager and I were talking about weddings since one of the girls had just got married and we knew a ring was on its way for me. I brought up how its crazy how expensive weddings can be especially to someone who never looked into these expenses before and was questioning in general how people afford weddings. Note that during all of this, a prospective budget for my wedding had never been brought up or discussed, after my comment about how people afford weddings, my office manager looked at me and said, people like you, just have something little and nice and thats all you need.
I was shocked! People like me? What exactly are people like me? I just let it go b/c it was work. But I was really hurt. Just because I pay for what I have and my education doesn’t mean anything or make me a different type of people. Turns out the budget my fiance and I came up with for our wedding is many times higher than we thought we could of had in the beginning and as much as I want to tell my manager, its none of her business.