Post # 1
Okay we’ll my mom doesn’t.
Here’s some background info.. We’ve been together for more than 2 years, 1 year of being engaged. To be wed in November this year.
From the beginning, we’ve pretty much lived together. I stayed with him at first and then he lost his job 8 months after and he hasn’t been able to recover since. We were forced to move into my parents house hoping it would be a temporary fix. More than a year later, here we still are.
Fiance got a job but not as stable as his previous one. We get engaged, parents are happy.. then things just go back to how they were. They still refer to him as my boy friend… I was working then but then my Grandfather died around Christmas and work was giving me a difficult time about getting time off so I quit.
So right now I’m focusing on going back to school and working partime which neither of the two has started yet (will in the next month). And I’m focusing on the wedding planning which most of it has been done already without my mother’s help.
It feels as if she’s punishing me or something. Some silent torture.
We booked the venue back in June and she didn’t even want to come with us to see the place. She was just like, “book it if you want.” And when I mention something about the wedding she’ll just say, “It’s too early.” When we were so happy we booked the videographer for such a great deal, she just muttered, “Thats good.” No other response. She doesn’t ask me about anything about the wedding. It’s like she doesn’t care about it at all. The only thing she initiated talking about was that she said she’d give us money for the wedding because we had to invite our overseas relatives. I could have sworn I heard her mutter that she’d pay for the wedding “just to get it over with.”
It just makes me want to cry so bad. My best friend got married last year and her mom was all over her wedding.
My mom means so much to be but damn, why does she have to be so uncaring? I’d jump in a front of a car to save her but right now it feels like she wouldn’t even do the same for me.
I want to approach her and talk to her about it but she just walks off because I get so upset I start to cry and yell.
I just want this wedding to hurry up and come so that the FH and I could move out…
Post # 3
I think you need to tell her how you feel ASAP. Crying and yelling is only going to make you feel worse. If you are having a hard time getting her to participate in a conversation (i.e. her walking away) maybe you could write her letter. Tell her how you feel and ask her to pick a time for you two to talk about it.
ETA: I hope things work out for the best. I am really sorry that your mom is avoiding involvement in your wedding.
Post # 4
@jordynrose thank you. I will try the letter. If anything, she’ll know how I feel and I’ll feel better getting it off my chest.
Post # 5
🙁 Hugs to you! That sounds like an awful feeling to experience. I’m really sorry you are in that position. I think jordynrose said it perfectly. The only thing I might add is that it sounds like your mom might need an invitation to talk to you about what is on her mind as well.
You can also enlist the other people who are interested in your wedding and are supportive to help you out with things, too. Good luck, adrigirl!
Post # 6
I would encourage you to read this thread: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-one-will-ever-care-about-your-wedding-as-much-as-you-do as it’s helpful to read that you’re not the only one feeling this way.
Lots of moms just aren’t into wedding planning or wedding talk at all– it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, or want the best for you, or care about you. My mom didn’t really seem to be excited until two or so months before, and then she started asking lots of questions and stuff and getting into it. She cared about us, and wanted the wedding to be great, but she just wasn’t interested in the details at all.
Post # 7
My mom and I have the same problem. When we finally talked about it, it came down to 2 things: 1. when we were dress shopping, we were there for 4 mintues and she shot down every dress i liked on the wrack. So I said “let’s remember that this is my wedding and not yours”. 2. She can’t pay for anything… it’s all on me and the Mister. Which is fine and was totally expected.
I bet if you talk to her, you will find that it’s a few small things that just need to be addressed.
@jhphi- That was a great post! I have it saved too and I remind myself oftern that “no one will care about my wedding as much as I do.” Helps when cutting the budget!
Post # 8
It sounds like you need to try to figure out why your mom isn’t excited or involved in the wedding. Maybe she just isn’t a wedding person? Is she bitter about you and your Fiance living there, or not having jobs? I can understand how my parents would have a hard time supporting a marriage when we as a couple can barely support ourselves.
Post # 9
I imagine that sucks a LOT and i think talking to her is a good idea. Also though… remember that people all over the spectrum have issues. My mom IS all over my wedding to the point it drives me a little nuts. At least you get to do EXACTLY what you want to do because you’re not answering to her preconceived ideas and expectations, right?
Post # 10
Sadly my mom and I have the same issue as well. Which, as you mentioned, is a little hurtful. Especially when you see other mothers who are so involved. I have been told the same, that some moms just arent in to wedding planning. That being said, my mom is. She went nuts over my sisters wedding, which was canceled 2 months before the big event and never even said anything to her about all the money that was wasted which I am happy my sister chose to cancel it rather than worry about the money but still. My mom paid for everything my sister had for her wedding and was very hands on. My mom isnt really even interested in seeing my dress or the BM’s dresses. When I was home for a weekend a few months ago, 2 of my BM’s and I went to try on dresses and my mom didnt even want to come, but she was at every single thing when it came to my sister. I am a very independent person, I moved out shortly after my daughter was born which was when I was 16 and I understand my mom and I dont really have a super close relationship but my sister and my mom have an even worse relationship.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this too, I know how much it sucks. I also dont believe that its because your mother loves you any less and I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I truly hope it gets better! I know that it helps me that my Future Mother-In-Law only has 2 boys and would have loved a girl so she is excited about all the details and super grateful I include her but its not really the same.
Post # 11
That’s too bad, this is def. an experience that you want to share with your mom. You should talk to her about it.. maybe there is some other issue going on?? Maybe she had a mom that was too pushy when she was planning, and she doesn’t want to do the same.. you should def. talk to her.
Post # 12
Aww, I’m sorry. Has your mom mentioned any disapproval about the wedding or your relationship with your Fi? While it could be she’s not into weddings, I would wonder if she’s having an issue with your upcoming marriage.
I could see some apprehension about my daughter getting married, with her quitting her job, and now work less to go back to school. And Fiance having a hard time find good work. And going back to school is great But getting married throws this all onto another level. Maybe she’s concerned that the two of you (not just you) will end up having to move in with her again.
If she explained any concerns already, she might shut down from talking because she feels you two won’t get anywhere. But I would sill try to talk to her. Let her know she can voice her concerns, if she’s also willing to hear you out. Good luck.
Post # 13
I don’t want to be mean, but I think if I was your mom, I would feel the same way. Neither of you has a stable job or a place to live. You’ve been living in your parents’ house, which is always a stressful situation for anyone concerned. Fiance especially has not had a stable job for over a year. You chose to forgo an income and quit your job even though you guys really need money right now.
So just that must be frustrating to your parents – you are living in their house with no plans to move out or even full-time jobs that allow you to save up for moving out. As far as they’re concerned, that should be your main focus. Paying for a wedding is always hard – when neither person has a job, it seems especially frivolous.Why not save up that money to help you move out sooner?
I think becoming financially stable should be your priority right now. If you put off the wedding until you guys have jobs and can live on your own, I bet your mom would be very positive and excited.
Post # 14
It seems to me like your mom has some worries/issues that she might not know how to talk about with you. I know it must feel terrible, and maybe you don’t want to hear what her worries are… but you should communicate with her that her behavior is hurtful to you and go from there.
I am wondering about a thing you said. You can’t wait to get married so you two can move out… You live with your parents because you two don’t have jobs right now… the wedding will not fix that… just a thought, not meant to be harsh… maybe your mother fears that you’re not financially stable enough at the moment?
Post # 15
If it was my mom, she would definitely be acting the same way, and it would be because she doesn’t think you’re in the best position to get married. Moms care about their kids and they want them to make the best life choices, and that typically means not getting married until you’re out of the house, living on your own, and supporting yourself. I’m not saying that everyone’s life has to play out that way, but that’s the way moms dream of it happening. She might feel that you’re not acheiving your fullest potential and of course, moms want only the best for their children!
Sounds like you two need to have a talk and hash it out. Tell her you wish she’d be more into the wedding, and find out what her deal is. Maybe you can quell some of her fears by reminding her that school is starting soon and you will once again be on the path to success!
Post # 16
It reallys sounds like mom is not interested at all (duh) but to me, perhaps it is because she doesn’t see your engagement as legit? You guys are living at your parent’s house, Fiance does not have a stable job, and you are kinda in limbo thinking of going back to school and finding a pt job. Perhaps mom is not interested because she doesn’t think the wedding will go through.