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Tattoos?? What was she thinking? I think she started a fight on purpose. Common after you come back from deployment to start arguments with people. She just needed a reason. I would do as she asked and not order her food, but make sure she still has a proper place setting so that if she changes her mind you're covered. (I would include her in your estimate to the caterer.) As far as ignoring her, don't consciously try to leave her out or ignore her. The best you can do is to act as if nothing is wrong and treat her like everyone else. If she acts childishly she'll prolly regret it later and apologize, but you don't want to spend energy on that. You'll be too busy anyway! Kill 'em with kindness, I always say.
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Thanks for the advice, Mighty Sapphire! I think you are right about treating her like nothing has happened. I don't want to ignore her, and trying to hash everything out right before the wedding will probably be too time consuming/emotionally draining. Hopefully, even if she does act up one of my others sisters or my mom will step in and defuse the situation. I'll keep you posted on how it goes!
I would ask other family that she isn't upset with to try to keep her negativity away from you on your day. If she is being a brat fine but not around you.
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Find out why specifically she is mad at you! You need to clear the air before your wedding, and if it keeps going this way, it looks like she won't show up.
I hope it works out. I have plenty of sister drama, so I wish it on no one else.
Wow, tattoos?!?! Geeesh. Is she being generally off-the-wall after her deployment? As in, perhaps some PTSD or a little depression? Something to look into...my FI came back mildly depressed and was a little "off" here and there. Maybe she's a tad bit upset the attention is all about you and SHE just got back from Iraq?
Not sure how old she is, but it IS coming across as bratty. Maybe what she needs is a welcome-home-from-Iraq party. She HAS been gone for 8 months. It's viable I guess, if she's gone and she's upset that nobody cares that she's finallyhome? Not sure what all the situations are surrounding this all...I'm just throwing it out there.
But don't give her the satisfaction of letting her know she's putting a squash on your big day. Treat her nicely, but you know, just nice enough. Her whiny, bratty behavior will come through and somebody will go, "geesh, man, shut up and deal!" eventually.
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Wow, I'm really sorry!
I can't give you much advice, only company for your misery. Very often my sister gets mad at me, and no one knows why - just like you! Really, I think there's probably just more growing that younger sisters need to do. I wish you the best!
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Thanks for the support, hive. This kind of behavior is not out of character for her, unfortunately, so I'm probably not being as sympathetic as I should be. I honestly do not want to deal with it before the wedding because I think she is going to turn this into a huge fight and refuse to patch things up. If that happened, I would be even more upset than I am now, and she would succeed in making me feel really crappy on the day of the wedding. Two of my other sisters are also fighting (although they'll probably be able to resolve their issues in the next couple weeks) and one of Fi's sisters has last-minute decided not to come because she hates her sister that much. Generally, I am just over sister drama. :) It does help a lot to have such supportive internet friends, though. Thanks for listening!
Uck if it's characteristic, I'd say at least you saw it coming, right? Man, all this sister drama is so sad!!!
Way to be above it! That's all you can do.
A tattoo the day before the wedding, even if you wanted to get it, wouldn't be a good idea. I think mine was covered up for a day or two, and of course the area was sensitive, and getting to done was painful.
If she's dead set on the tattoo, would you be willing to go with her when she gets it done? Maybe make a day out of it for all the sisters, and after she gets her tattoo (or anyone else who wants one as well), y'all could all go get lockets or go make a donation. That way everyone gets to pay tribute together, but each in their own individual way.
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I think Mighty Sapphire is right, not just about the day of, but the whole situation. She suggested tattoo, you don't want to do that, you told her that, and you can consider the situation "over". If she doesn't want to explain to you what other reasons she might have for being upset, reasonably she can't be angry with you, so you should act as such. Hopefully, she will feel silly continuing to be bratty while everyone is having fun at the salon. Just try your best to ignore and not let it get to you.
As someone who has served in the military tattoos are a cultural thing (in the military). And the stress she experinced over in Iraq can't be explained. Give her some time and then talk with her. Let her know that while you respect her wanting y'all to all get matching tattoos that is not something you would like to do. Tell her you would love to go with her though and be a part of her getting the tattoo for y'all's grandfather. Give her some time though, she just came back from hell and is probably having a hard time adjusting back to life in the US.
well first off thank you for her service to our country.
2nd... maybe she s just bitter... I would tell her not to come to my wedding if this is how she is going to act, but thats just me... I would sit her down privately and be like hey whats up I dont want any tension at my wedding. Do not feed into her arritude, just ask her what is wrong and if she does not want to explain then just ask her if she wants to come. tell her you understand she is going thru something right now so if she does not want to come you understand.
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Good morning, hive! I'm havinga tough time with my little sister, and I'm looking for a little advice. Background- I have four sisters; my youngest sister and I usually get along, but she just got back from a 8 month deployment in Iraq and things have been a little tense.
Basically, we had an arguement (over email) about a month ago over what would be a proper tribute to my recently deceased grandfather. She wanted all of us to get tattoos the day before the wedding; I thought we should get lockets or make a donation to the American Cancer Society. We didn't talk for about 2 weeks, but when my parents said she was on the plane back home, I called and left a message on her cell phone. This week, I've sent her several emails and called her 2 more times. According to my oldest sister, she is mad at me, but no one seems to know why.
Yesterday, I asked my parents to get her meal choice for our wedding, and she told them that if she came, she wanted the children's meal because she's "not into our menu choices." I wrote her another email explaining that if she wanted to eat mac & cheese, that was fine, but it's just a child-sized portion so she might still be hungry. She finally wrote back this morning, saying not to order her a meal for the reception because she is just going to go to McDonald's after the ceremony.
I'm kinda over being upset, but I would like some tangible, concrete examples of how to ignore her the day of the wedding. Since we don't have a bridal party, I invited all of mine (and my Fi's) sisters to go to the salon with me and get ready with me in the bridal room. I am a little worried that her bad attitude is going to put a bad vibe on our wedding day. So, what would you do?