Vent: SO hasn't even been saving for a ring :(

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
243 posts
Helper bee

I was kind of in the same position, he told me he was saving and wasnt. It took sitting him down and looking at ring options that he could afford that helped and now he bought a ring. I think for him it just seemed like such a big task (money wise, finding the perfect ring, finding the perfect place to get it etc), maybe you can try that?

Post # 4
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Fiberoptic:  Would you accept a proposal without a ring? Or is a ring the only proof (in your mind) that he really wants to marry you? I accepted a proposal without a ring, after an 11 year relationship mind you. We had other expenses that were more important than a ring to flaunt. If he’s blowing off proposing altogether then do what you feel is best as far as your relationship goes, but you can’t get mad at what he chooses to spend his money on.

Post # 5
Member
8418 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with nikkidrew90, maybe it’s just an overwhelming task for him.  However, only you know whether this may be the case or if he’s just stringing you along.  Have you considered telling him you don’t need a ring?

Post # 6
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Fiberoptic:  Maybe he has a ring/has his eye on a ring/is paying off a ring/whatever but he just doesn’t want you to know? Maybe he feels because there’s a ‘deadline’ that there’s no surprise left, so he’s trying to make the ring a surprise? 

Or, maybe he’s not ready for marriage? In which case, it’s time for some self-reflection. I can’t imagine how hard of a decision it is to pack up and leave. I am extremely grateful FI and I were always on the same page. But, you deserve to be happy and if happiness is a marriage then maybe moving on is the right thing.

Post # 7
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee

In my opinion you have given him enough time. Even after a scare of losing you he couldn’t get his act together. I would say it is time to move on. If he wants you back so badly then he can buy a ring next time he sees you. I took someone back after being broken up for a year and I took him back without a ring and regretted it. We broke up 9 months later.

Post # 8
Member
4215 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m sorry, but I think he’s spelling out his intentions (or lack thereof) quite clearly. 

Post # 9
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Fiberoptic:  Gosh I am so sorry this happened to you.  Does he usually get a year end bonus at work?

 

But I am completely with you he should not have bought frivolous things for himself if he was serious in proposing to you.

Post # 10
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee

@Fiberoptic:  I’m so sorry my dear! A girlfriend of mine just had the same thing happen. She had set a deadline for the end of this year, and he told her he wasn’t going to meet that deadline at all. 

She moved out 2 weeks ago 🙁

It sounds like he’s not respecting your time and effort in this relationship. Do you want to have children? Do you have to be married? Are you ok with never being married? Would you accept a proposal without a ring? 

Post # 11
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@HappySky7:  +1

I concur. If there was money for frivolity – there was money for an engagement ring. 🙁 So sorry.

Post # 12
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Fiberoptic:  that’s pretty messed up. Maybe he doesn’t want to lose you but isn’t ready yet? My bf at the time spoke with me about timelines etc… i expected Christmas… Nope…then our 3 year was final straw ( in my head) and nothing! It was really hurtful and shocking but he did propose 4 months after anniversary and actually had the ring a month before proposing. My only suggestion is plan your life for you- don’t play wifey and get nothing back ie. dont put out- don’t be demanding but also let him know you are very hurt and you actually believed him that its what HE wanted too. if babies come in to play let him know your age requires semi immediate action to have a family. I don’t think ultimatums are good but you can go about life knowing what you are doing (saving money to move out/wedding fund?- etc… Are going to benefit you if it doesn’t go your way and your fed up. My boyfriend was shocked to learn that one of the rings I was in love with was a yellow sapphire. He was clueless and I told him anything can be an engagement ring- maybe that will take the $$$ pressure off. I feel for you though…it’s like be serious. I am happy now but I was livid on my 3 year!

Post # 13
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

@RobynNOLA:  +1 to this!!

Seriously, if the guy has money to spend on himself but can’t scrape together a couple hundred for a ring it’s really showing me his priorities.

If I were you I would be VERY unimpressed with him right now and honestly he’d have to be giving me some mindblowingly compelling arguments why he deserves another minute of my time. 🙁 🙁

Post # 14
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Fiberoptic:  Maybe this is a sign of what the marriage would look like…He seems to be in a selfish part of his life and maybe it would be good for you to see what else is out there. Either way, good luck,all the best!

Post # 15
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

You’re right, you do deserve to be happy and should not have to push him to propose nor make excuses for why he hasn’t done it.  You’re 35 and know what you want and he should too at this point. 

Good luck  

Post # 16
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

I’m so sorry, but it sounds like his (in)actions are speaking for him. The good news, however; is that you’re only 35! I wouldn’t waste a second more on someone who won’t commit to you. Somewhere out there is the man who can’t wait to marry you, and won’t need to be “pushed” into it.

Even if he did propose to you, I’m afraid it might still make you (or him) resentful…like he only did it because you wanted him to so badly/forced his hand. 

I’m sorry doll! The right one is out there. 

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