Post # 1
So on Sunday I broke the promise that I was not going to talk about the relationship before our trip to Greece.
But in my defense, he was the one who brought up first. We were going through our Sunday morning routine of watching the political shows and during commercial, we were briefly discussing about Christmas presents.
Because we are saving all our money for the trip, it was decided we are not going to give Christmas presents and then he said completely out of the blue: “Also I am saving for ring shopping”. My heart jumped and I said in a joking way:” I know you are not” and then he laughed and said: “Of course I am not”. He said in such a way as a cruel joke that I started to cry.
He immediately regretted it and tried to difuse the situation but he even made it worse and then I could not help talking about our relationship and what made things worse is that I asked the questions that I was waiting for the trip to Greece and also most importantly he did not give me the answers I was looking for and that made even worse. I was doing so good and he ruined in one morning as a joke.
Of course he felt so bad about what happened and did everything he could for me to forgive him: Brought flowers, bought dinner.
He even admitted that even before he said the cruel joke, he thought maybe it was not a good idea but he said anyway. But the one good thing that came out is that he promised that all the cards will be on the table on our trip and also when we come back. I made him promise that everything will be talked about our timeline and everything else.
I just have to be patient for a little bit longer and I will have the answers I am looking for.
Post # 3
I think having all the cards on the table is ALWAYS a good thing. Sounds like it was a blessing in disguise because it seems like you were on different pages.
Plus, i don’t know that asking questions on a vacation would necessarily be a good thing…that could’ve soured it. So it’s best that it’s now out in the open.
Post # 4
I don’t understand having to wait to put the cards on the table. Why do you have to wait to find out where you are? My honest opinion is it sounds like he’s stalling or a control freak. Sorry to sound like negative nancy. 🙁
Post # 5
@maureen9004: The reason we are waiting is because he still have to finish law school (next May). Right now he is under a lot of stress because of finals and he has a full time job at the same time and his work deadline is coming up and he has to finish everything before we go to Greece. That is why I have to be patient.
Post # 6
Are you looking for an actual proposal or where the relationship is going and when? I don’t think it’s hard to say, “Hey, I’m busy with law school until May. After Law School we’ll most definitley be getting engaged.” If it’s the actual proposal I understand, but I’m under the impression you’re just discussing it.
Post # 7
@maureen9004: I just want to know if his timeline to propose is before December 2011. I want to know that he has a timeline and a plan once everything is put into order (Finishing law school and taking the bar exam) He promised me that once he finishes his finals and work deadlines and we are on the way to Greece (vacation) we will put everything on the table and be very clear of where this relationship is going. I just have to be 2 weeks patient and I think I can do that. But if he does not give me a clear picture I will have to make a decision of what to do next and how much time I am willing to wait for him.
Post # 8
I think you guys are doing the right thing by getting all the cards out on the table. It’s tough to sit down and think about timelines, and even tougher to make a decision for yourself (really important, but tough). By gauging your reaction to his cruel joke, it’s definitely a good thing. And try not to be so hard on yourself for bringing it up, sometimes you can’t help it.
Post # 9
I also don’t get why you have to wait just to talk about it. Talking about it can happen any time. Vacation, it seems to me, would be the least opportune time to have such a serious discussion.
Post # 10
@lezlers: I was thinking the same thing..
You already seem sensitive about the whole subject, especially after reading your reaction to the joke. Why bring up such a serious discussion that could have a negative outcome on a vacation? It seems like the discussion has potential to ruin a good time… I mean, of course, I hope that there’s GOOD news in the discussion.. but, I wouldn’t be trying to take the gamble.
Post # 11
@KS240030: Be very cautious about discussing this sort of sensitive topics on vacation. Not only because you could ruin a good time, but because you’re going to be so far away from home and that means out of your comfort zone and very vulnerable, with only him by your side. I’m never going to forget once I had a serious discussion with my FI (then BF) while away and I wanted to come back home on my own immediately which of course I couldn’t, I called my best friend from my cell phone cause I really needed to talk to someone and it was sooo expensive, it was a bad experience. Really, it’s a recipe for disaster. Even if he’s going to tell you things you want to hear overall, it’s still a sensitive issue and you guys might disagree in small stuff or you might be resentful. I strongly advice you against it.