Vent: Temporary Living With In Laws After Wedding

posted 2 months ago in Married Life
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  • Post # 2
    Member
    3489 posts
    Sugar bee

    Don’t move in with them!!!!!!!! Can he move in with you? 

    Post # 3
    Member
    2772 posts
    Sugar bee

    Are there any other options? I cannot imagine living with my parents or my husband’s parents in the weeks immediately following our wedding. Things leading up to the wedding were so damn stressful with both of our famiies…we’re just 10 days post wedding now and it has been such a relief to be able to retreat back to our own private abode (in another state) and go into a kind of lock-down mode lol.

    So, other options. 1) Could you extend your lease til Sept 1 or whatever and have him move in with you for a little while? 2) Could the two of you find a sublet together for that brief period of time?

    If there really are no alternatives to moving in with the in laws, I would just constantly remind yourself that it is a short term arrangement with a clear end date in sight, and try not to get too worked up over things. If this was going to be your home for many months or years I could see panicking about minor disputes in the beginning because you don’t want to establish a bad pattern…but that’s not the case here. So what if you butt heads with FMIL? In a month you won’t live with her anymore. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    450 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I agree, maybe you can extend your lease an extra month or so?

    Post # 5
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: Ballantyne Hotel, Charlotte

    You arent a brat for not wanting to live with your in laws! There must be another option. Who knows when these people will vacate? Buying a house is a long process!!

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    megrays :  I might be different here but, I don’t think this is as big of a deal as you are making it.  My brother(Mike) lived at home as much as possible during college and after to help him pay off student loans.  When he got engaged, his FI moved in to the house.  My SIL(Allie)  doesn’t have the best family life, butin the end she loved living with my parents.  It was so different compared to how her home life was growing up, she really appreciated the experience.  And my mom is definitely strong willed, she really initimidated my other SIL.  

    The whole experience ended up being a great was for Allie and my mom to bond, and my brother Mike has had way less issues between his wife and my mom copared to my other brother.  Think of it less like you are going to live with them, but more like you are going to visit for a month.  Turn a blind eye to the late night video game sessions.  How much longer are they going to be able to be boys like that?  I know I miss the late night video game sessions with my brothers.  Maybe ask if you can join in! 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2772 posts
    Sugar bee

    Maybe your FI could have his parents watch his cat for the month or two that he lives with you, if you don’t want to cram 3 cats into your little apt? If not, then pursue the sublet!

    Don’t worry about coming off as a diva. You need to prioritize your own wellbeing and quality of life over how your in laws perceive you. You list a lot of totally valid reasons in your first post about why moving in with the in-laws is a bad idea…listen to your gut! Don’t do it! Yeah your in laws might be upset and they  might blame you, but they’ll get over it. You’re going to be in this family for a very long time. 

    Also, how does your FI feel about all of this? He is really the one you need to be communicating with about everything. You guys need to be a united front here.

    Post # 10
    Member
    499 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’m going to add a little different perspective…I’d say suck it up for a month.  I lived with my in-laws for 5 months after our wedding.  Granted we were living together before we got married and we moved in with them two weeks after the wedding.  I think it will be worth it for a few weeks.  I get along with my MIL ok, but she’s not someone I’m super close too.  She’s pretty opinionated about certain things.  Also, at the time, they had 4 dogs living there, along with our dog.  We were able to stay in a little mother-in-law suite in their basement that had a private entrance.  Before we moved in, we definitely set boundaries with everyone else in the house.  Knocking before entering, if they offered to do things for us or offered their opinion, we had a united front on declining the help/suggestion.  It wasn’t all roses and unicorns for those 5 months, but worth it in the end when we were able to afford a house.  Think about the end result.  6 weeks is a blip in your life-long marriage especially if it will set you up for success in the future.  

    There seems to be an underlying concern about how close your FI is to his family and you don’t think he will handle living apart from them well.  That sounds like a separate issue and you are combining it with the fact that you are going to be living with the ILs.  I think before you move in together regardless, you need to set up some boundaries and “household rules”.  You need to check with eachother before you have family over for example.  It will help with the adjustment phase that comes with cohabitating.  

    You can manage for a few weeks, there is a solid end date in sight, it sounds like it will be worth it in the long run.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3489 posts
    Sugar bee

    OR…..don’t change your living situation, but you both just stay over at your place a lot. 

    More power to those who lived with in-laws and it wasn’t a big problem. But, OP, you are already stressing out about this. I can’t imagine that you will move in with them and not be even more stressed.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1185 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Sharing 700 sq ft with your DH and kitties will be way less stressful than sharing a house with DH, 5 cats, ILs, and a depressed BIL.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1557 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I’m shocked at the number of people who think you should buck it up and put yourself in a situation you already know will be stressful and trying. I mean, great if that works for them but you know yourself best and it sounds like you will struggle living in that house. As a PP pointed out, it’s not just you living with your MIL and FIL. There’s a multitude of pets and the dynamic of your FI’s depressed brother to consider. Anyway, I completely understand where you’re coming from. Emotionally abusive upbringing over here with an alcoholic parent too so I understand the benefit of distance from family and personal/emotional space.

    What about packing up a lot of your stuff and putting it into storage unti you can move to your new apartment? You’ll have to pack things up anyway for the move so this’ll just be a slight inconvenience and extra expense to float you until the apartment’s ready. Winter clothes, knick knacks, books, etc. could all get boxed up. You could even move some non-essential furniture (bookshelves, end tables) that you can live without for a few months. That would make room for your FI and his cat at your current place. Honestly, for the sake of your cats I would try to avoid subjecting them to too many new places and animals. They’ll need to adjust to your FI’s cat, obviously, but I worry that if their first interactions with that cat are also with your FBIL’s cats they might never get along, even when moved to the new apartment. So there’s yet another reason to avoid moving to the in-laws’ place.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2726 posts
    Sugar bee

    megrays :  We currently live in 800 square feet with a cat. I think you adding one month (essentially being month to month but only for an extra month) is preferable to that situation. Plus you can say you don’t want to move the cats more than necessary and honestly that a very valid reason. Our cat will be super freaked out when we eventually move and I wouldn’t want to move her twice in less than a months time. I also wouldn’t want to move myself twice in that amount of time, that sounds utterly stressful. 

    I think the with the cats and moving your stuff twice is more than a good enough reason to stay in your apartment together for a month. You probably don’t even need to bring up the MIL or BIL issues. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    871 posts
    Busy bee

    I lived with my husband and 2 cats for a decade in a city apartment that was about 800 sq. feet, and we found it spacious. I see no problem at all with doing this for one month. I would much prefer it to living with the in-laws.

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