megrays : First of all, I am happy for you, that you were able to secure your own apartment, which allowed you more time and space to work on yourself, especially with what you went through almost all your life! My response is going to be a bit long, because after recently getting married (Dec 2016) and having to temporarily live in my in-laws, I’m very passionate about this topic.
I totally understand and can relate to how you’re feeling about everything. If there’s one thing that I could say, it would be this: Regardless of where the in-laws are on the Nice/Mean spectrum, there is ALWAYS going to be some type of issue (different in degree) simply because we are different people who lived and grew up separately. How much of it you’re willing to handle, depends on you. According to what you described to me, I see that you’re the type of person who values her time, space, independence, the ability to start things right and fresh, and not wanting to deal with so much stress all at one time. I grew up in an emotionally-abusive home, so I understand some of your sentiments.
Is there any way FI can move in with you until you can move into your dream home? Or is it possible to find another home that you love just as much, and that is available immediately? Even some type of temporary living arrangement that doesn’t involve your in-laws? I totally agree with you wanting to have the space for you and FI to adjust to each other after the wedding. While I do believe everything will work out for good with time, I want to say don’t move in with your in-laws, even if it’s only for one month. If you don’t mind handling it for that short time, then more power to you! Although you and FI have your whole lives to create with each other, the first few months and year after your wedding is still SO vital to forming the bond and foundation of a newlywed couple–physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually, etc. I’m not saying you won’t have that bond later on, but it’s just different. From experience, I can tell you that I’m personally GOING NUTS living with my in-laws. They are nice people, but also have strong opinions and their own way of living. We are living with them temporarily because DH is in nursing school, and I lost my job during our engagement. As hard as it is, I wouldn’t trade anything in order to be married to DH later under better living circumstances. The reality remains the same–it was so overall awkward even during the first couple of weeks living with them after the wedding & honeymoon. Even though DH and I have a loving relationship, but honestly… it’s not where it could be if we had been able to live on our own.
So again, even though you and DH will some inconveniences because the house isn’t ready in time, I would strongly advise–let the inconveniences and realities of daily married life be between the two of you; dealing with outside parties puts a strain on the marriage.
Just want to encourage you; if you didn’t do anything wrong, don’t allow yourself to be guilty. This wedding and new life is yours and your FI’s. Everybody will always have an opinion and judgment, but it’s irrelevant to your happiness.
I hope all works out for you, and happy soon wedding to you both!!