Vent: Temporary Living With In Laws After Wedding

posted 2 months ago in Married Life
  • poll:
  • Post # 31
    Member
    898 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    megrays :  Get a storage unit and have him move in with you.

    FI moved in with me. Into my TINY attic apartment. I think it’s around 500 sq feet. We put a lot into storage. It works for us. It wouldn’t work for everyone. But we like it, and it’s hella cheap :o)

    If I were in your shoes, I would rather living a small apartment than in a house with a dysfunctional family. It would only be for 2 months. Not even!

    Post # 32
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    megrays :  First of all, I am happy for you, that you were able to secure your own apartment, which allowed you more time and space to work on yourself, especially with what you went through almost all your life! My response is going to be a bit long, because after recently getting married (Dec 2016) and having to temporarily live in my in-laws, I’m very passionate about this topic. 

     

    I totally understand and can relate to how you’re feeling about everything. If there’s one thing that I could say, it would be this: Regardless of where the in-laws are on the Nice/Mean spectrum, there is ALWAYS going to be some type of issue (different in degree) simply because we are different people who lived and grew up separately. How much of it you’re willing to handle, depends on you. According to what you described to me, I see that you’re the type of person who values her time, space, independence, the ability to start things right and fresh, and not wanting to deal with so much stress all at one time. I grew up in an emotionally-abusive home, so I understand some of your sentiments. 

     

    Is there any way FI can move in with you until you can move into your dream home? Or is it possible to find another home that you love just as much, and that is available immediately? Even some type of temporary living arrangement that doesn’t involve your in-laws? I totally agree with you wanting to have the space for you and FI to adjust to each other after the wedding. While I do believe everything will work out for good with time, I want to say don’t move in with your in-laws, even if it’s only for one month. If you don’t mind handling it for that short time, then more power to you! Although you and FI have your whole lives to create with each other, the first few months and year after your wedding is still SO vital to forming the bond and foundation of a newlywed couple–physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually, etc. I’m not saying you won’t have that bond later on, but it’s just different. From experience, I can tell you that I’m personally GOING NUTS living with my in-laws. They are nice people, but also have strong opinions and their own way of living. We are living with them temporarily because DH is in nursing school, and I lost my job during our engagement. As hard as it is, I wouldn’t trade anything in order to be married to DH later under better living circumstances. The reality remains the same–it was so overall awkward even during the first couple of weeks living with them after the wedding & honeymoon. Even though DH and I have a loving relationship, but honestly… it’s not where it could be if we had been able to live on our own. 

    So again, even though you and DH will some inconveniences because the house isn’t ready in time, I would strongly advise–let the inconveniences and realities of daily married life be between the two of you; dealing with outside parties puts a strain on the marriage.

    Just want to encourage you; if you didn’t do anything wrong, don’t allow yourself to be guilty. This wedding and new life is yours and your FI’s. Everybody will always have an opinion and judgment, but it’s irrelevant to your happiness. 

    I hope all works out for you, and happy soon wedding to you both!! 

    Post # 34
    Member
    109 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    megrays :  I lived with my inlaws 9 months before the wedding and 18 moths after the wedding. Huge mistake! Way too much drama. And now they also have 2 cats and I have one, so just the drama between the cats was enough reason to move out.. But we stayed put and saved money while my husband was going through a career change, it has been VERY HARD!!! I’m so happy that finally we will have our own space this summer. It’s about time. I say – live with inlaws only if it’s your very last resort. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    735 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    megrays :  I think that as it is for three weeks you will survive. However, I agree that you should discuss boundaries before hand.

    Post # 37
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    megrays :  Wow, I can definitely relate about that wedding guest increase! I know things will work out!! 

    Not be a negative Nancy, but is your move out “date” for sure? Do you foresee significant delays? You were quite clear on your updated response that you’re just going to move in with your in-laws and set boundaries. Definitely make sure you and FI are on the same page about each other’s expectations from A-Z, before moving in. It’ll save so much heartache, as dealing with in-law surprises are hard enough. Wishing you the best!

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