Post # 1
I’ve been with BF for a wonderful 8 months (but are not planning to get married till 2011 so we’ll have been together 2 years by then). I was friends with BF for 2 years and we started dating a month after I broke up with ex on my ” I’m so happy to be single” trip in NYC (ironic I know). I never told ex anything because I felt it was none of his business anymore.
Background: The ex was my first love, the man I was supposed to marry but he just didn’t know it. I cringe thinking about it now even though he told me he didn’t want to think about marriage till he was in his early thirties (I was ready at 25).
Last night I get a text from EX (after not having spoken for about 8 months) saying that he thinks about me everyday and that I deserve to know that. After I got over that shock, I spoke to a friend who advised me maybe it was time to tell him I moved on. So I got him on the phone and he tells me how he’s sorry he didn’t make sacrifices for us, that he felt guilty that he treated me like crap and then HUNG UP ON ME and didn’t even let me get a word in edgewise!
So I wrote him an e-mail telling him I moved on and was very happy and wished him the best with his life. Here’s the kicker: He writes back that BF doesn’t derserve me but that he saying this not to upset me or start anything.
VENT!! While it was nice to confirm that I didn’t want to be with him and reinforced my desicion to be with BF I still felt horrible that 1) I wasted 2 years on him 2) He was now saying things that I begged to hear then and 3) that he was able to have any effect on me.
What is it with first loves and exes?
Post # 3
Sigh, they never go away, unfortunately. Before I started dating my current BF, I was in a completely disasterous relationship with an ex’s best friend (first mistake was dating him to begin with)… he still comes into the bookstore I work at and tries to convince me that he’s SO HAPPY with his current GF and that they’re getting engaged within the next 6 months, but if that’s true, why is he still coming in and talking to me? It’s maddening, but I’m glad he realizes that he doesn’t deserve you. That was a low blow about your CURRENT bf not deserving you, though. Not okay.
Post # 4
This guy sounds like he is toxic to you and your relationship!
I recommend cutting all ties – you don’t want or need that negativity in your life!
Post # 5
I had something similar with an ex who I thought was HIM, but am now so happy he was not. When I posted on FB that we were engaged, the ex emailed me at 2:00 a.m. on a weeknight telling me, “You’ve always had such a lovely smile”
Yeah…and now that smile is for someone else…
Post # 6
Aw that sucks. All my “loves” turned out to be pieces of crap so they were easy to move past. I’m guessing he just wanted to get it off his chest? It’s not very fair though.
Post # 7
And I second cutting all the ties. This means not answering texts, emails, phone calls and avoiding him if you see him out in public. There’s no point and it sounds like he really just wants attention from you. Don’t give it to him, he’s clearly not worth the hassle!
Post # 8
Sorry, but what a jerk! He’s toying with you and it’s so not fair! The fact that he told you how much he still cares about you and then proceeded to hang up on you shows just how selfish his feelings are: He wants you to know how he feels and cares nothing about how you feel, or how hearing him say these things makes you feel. He is absolutely trying to start something, or he wouldn’t have said anything in the first place. You definitely dodged a bullet with that one. I’m so glad you found a man who you want to marry and are happy with him 🙂
Post # 9
Ugh, I hate that people try to mess with you. Dude, you hate your chance, you blew it! I would say to cut off all communication with him. He is clearly trying to mess with your head and you know he’s wrong for you. If you stop responding to him he will get the message.
Post # 10
Eh. My ex, as I broke up with him, alternately told me he was in love with me, and also that I was a bitch. He handled it so poorly that it just cemented what I knew already, which was that I needed to end the relationship.
It sounds to me like he is trying to create doubt for you, and to make himself feel better by confirming that you might still have a teeny, tiny bit of a soft spot for him.
If I were you I would stop the contact with him for sure.
Post # 11
i went through the same thing with my ex but I think the difference is that I cant stand my ex.
Id much rather cut all ties.
Post # 12
He hung up on you?! Honestly, this guy sounds manipulative, I’d keep my distance.
Post # 13
I know what that’s like. I was with my ex for 4 years. After the break-up, I didn’t hear from him until I got an apology e-mail for everything that he had done to upset me. I ended up responding back, apologizing for what I had done wrong. Then we started talking again and I was really considering getting back together with him. I’m so glad that I did not. It stirred up all these feelings that I didn’t want anymore.
I eventually had to tell him that I didn’t want him contacting me anymore until he was ready to just be friends. It was still difficult to do however, because part of me wanted to believe that I had made a mistake. I was talking to my husband by that time though, and I knew that there was a future with him, so I made my decision.
I felt for a long time, and still feel somtimes, that I wasted so many years of my life with him and it does feel horrible knowing that someone can have that effect on you.
Your ex is toying with you and trying to see if there’s any possibility with you again. The best thing to do is put it out of your mind and be at peace that you made the best decision for you.
Post # 14
The ex is a jackass…If he really cared about you he would let you be happy with the person you’re with knowing full well that he had his chance and that the past is the past…You are not the only one that this has happened to..my ex is always iming me…every 3-4 months I can expect a message from him..telling me he wants me back or misses me when he has a girlfriend …disgusting right?…the night i was supposed to hang out with him my friends, who told me months later..that they had seen him that night with another girl (the girl that would be his gf later)… the hardest part was that he left me for somone else and we were taking the same law class that year, which I wasn’t going to drop…so for 5 months I had to see his face and know that he was with somone else..we had a mock trial that year and he brought his then girlfriend and his mom to see the trial that our class put on yes his mother, who HATED ME, and was talking about me to his new gf. He just wanted to push my buttons and see if I would at any moment jump at the chance to talk to him because he wanted to enlarge his ego..my bf of almost 2years has always been there for me in the good and bad…when I needed to vent…laugh cry ..you name it he was there…so don’t feel bad..the past is behind you and enjoy your relationship, and the man that has always been there for you!
Post # 15
In my experience, once the ex finds out that you have finally moved on, they make a last ditch effort to somehow win you back. My ex (who I had been with for 3 years) did this to me when I started dating my FI. I think it is some sort of instict that all men have. I suggest blocking his texts and e-mails. De-friend him on facebook. Cut him out of your life, and enjoy being happy and not thinking about him. I told my ex no, and boy am I glad I did. I believe that it was also good for him too, as he has now moved on to doing things he always told me he wanted to do. Just remember, there is a reason you left him, and there is a reason you are with your bf now.
Post # 16
Ignore, ignore, ignore…they do it b/c they want a reaction and they want to pull you back into their orbit. I have an ex who STILL contacts me however he can about once or twice a year (and I have been in a relationship with my FI for over 3 years). I ignore the msgs, have changed my phone number, and blocked him from my IM…guess what…he send me a msg via FB.
My daughter’s father knows that I am engaged. I told him right when it happened and haven’t said anything since. My FI and I postponed due to cancer and my ex is so sure that it’s cancelled forever…things are cool. I am not saying anything to him until AFTER we are married…even then I am sending him a wedding announcement.
Sometimes it’s like they have a second sense about when you are most happy and swoop end to kill the joy….just ignore him…you made the right choice…you are with THE ONE…your ex WANTS you to second-guess