*VENT* Uninvited guests

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
11626 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow, that really sucks.  I know you weren’t looking for advice, but you really need to make sure your FI knows he actually can’t invite any of his coworkers.  Maybe down the road, when all your RSVPs are returned, and there is extra space, he could casually mention it to them, but if you’re already over capacity, you can’t go about adding more guests.

I feel for you on the number of people piling on.  MIL invited a bunch of her coworkers who I barely knew and I felt really awkward about it.  We ended up biting the bullet and inviting them (we had the space and budget), and they came, and I didn’t notice they were there.  But your fiance’s uncle’s wife’s sister?  Too many degrees of separation to be okay.  The nerve of some people, and their total lack of understanding of etiquette and invitations!  Good luck!

Post # 3
9206 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I would be pissed off too! It’s a wedding, not an unlimited free for all! Grr, I would give your FI and his mother a piece of my mind and contact these people and remind them that so and so aren’t invited.

This is one of my biggest worries when it comes to wedding planning!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Jacqui90.
Post # 5
9206 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

Guess none of them have even considered that you have a budget and other limits. Sometimes reading these stories makes me want to scream, some people just don’t even think about the constraints the bride and groom are under and don’t consider that it is the bride and groom’s wedding, not their own! Not saying the last one is the case here, but I do think it a lot for many of the stories shared here!

Post # 6
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

So did your FMIL tell them it was ok when she called and got the address? I’d definitely have a talk with her about never inviting extra people again. She can’t be doing that! I’m shocked that strangers want to come and that she said ok to that. 

Post # 7
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’ve been dealing with this too!  I made it pretty clear on the invitation envelopes and RSVP cards who was invited and how many in their party could come… and STILL get uninvited plus-1s added!  It has started to get very frustrating.  I did let one friend bring a guest that I didn’t know because she is coming from out-of-town and wouldn’t know very many people at my wedding, but that’s IT. I have had to call and email people and explain to them that we couldn’t accomodate any plus-1s due to venue space.  It was hard at first, but for the most part, everyone has understood.

I know you are not looking for advice, but could you call the people your FMIL invited and explain to them the situation?  Seeing that you’re not related to them (and your FI really isn’t either), maybe it would be easier for you to do it than your FI or FMIL?  Or call D & J yourself… If you put blame on the venue size (something out of your control), I would hope they would understand!

Good luck!

Post # 8
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

That is a real bummer! At the very least, your FI has to sack up and be the bearer if bad news since he didn’t nip it in the bud months ago.

On the positive side of things, it is nice that you guys have so many friends and family (-ish) people that want to celebrate with you. It’s nice to be loved!

Post # 9
5 posts

Aww hon, I’m sorry to hear that. It’s terrible when people don’t have a sense of when enough is enough. I’m glad you’re putting your foot down – in the end, your man will understand and appreciate it.

Post # 10
6692 posts
Bee Keeper

That is terrible. I would have FI call the uncle himself and tell him that you hope FMIL did not give them the wrong impression  and that  there must have been a “misunderstanding” because they are the  ones for whom the invitation was intended. 

Post # 12
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Ughhhh this sort of thing drives me bonkers. IT IS NOT A HOUSE PARTY. People can’t just “tag along” to a wedding!

Since you’re not looking for advice, I will just commiserate and tell you the fight my mother and I had on this subject. First off, know that my mother has a huge family across the country (like 30 first cousins) but I don’t know anyone except her immediate family. So she already made me invite tons of people I didn’t want to with the assurance that “they won’t come”. I felt SO awkward addressing invites as “so and so and family” not knowing how many people were even in the family. But whatever, she stomped around, moped, and cried until she got her way. But there was one that I just lost my mind over.

My maternal grandmother (my mom’s mom) and her husband (been married like 5 years, met him twice, not my grandfather) live across the country. Of course they are invited. But my grandmother’s husband’s son lives in my home state so my mother said we have to invite that guy, his wife, and grown kid since my grandmother and her husband are traveling so far to come he should get to see his family. 


My FI said f*** no. No matter how many times I told her there is a limit (space and money) and that this is not a family reunion, and that he isn’t even remotely related to me, she pretty much cried and told me it was the right thing to do. Basically, she said my grandmother’s husband is “so good” to my grandmother that we owe it to him. He should be thanking his lucky stars he married my grandmother. She takes care of him and he’s kind of a jerk. We don’t owe him anything.

My mother complained to my dad that I’m cold hearted, and he made me send them an invitation. They would not respond to us or my grandmother and up until the day of the wedding no one knew if they got the invite and/or if they were coming. Not sure if it counts as a no show. 

Long story long, there will always be crazies trying to invite people to your wedding. My mistake was letting them wear me down to the point that I didn’t even care anymore. Good luck lady!

Post # 15
20 posts
  • Wedding: June 2015

Oh man I feel for you. I’m terrified of the same situation happening to me. My in-laws are pressuring my boyfriend and I to set a date but I’m scared its cause they’ll run their mouth to the whole world, my mother included and then come with a 600 person guestlist. That’s considered normal in our culture but NOT for me. I don’t want randoms and their kids running around my wedding and reception, and I certainly don’t want to pay for them!


I know your MIL means well and thinks of the wedding as a family affair but really a wedding should be about the two of you. Let’s be honest, FI can be useless at times and it all rests on your shoulder to be the police. The only thing I can say is do you think at the end of the day when the wedding and reception are over, was it worth the fight?

Post # 13
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

taraelisabeth:  I’m so sorry you have to deal with this! It’s definitely frustrating when people don’t understand the limitations of the guest list.  

Per our contract with the venue, we are set to have 100 guests and like you, I’m hoping 80-90 make it.  Our guestlist is topping out at 150 right now since I’ve included family member’s spouses and kids in the count, but also because I have to send invites to a large number of family members who live across the country.  

I figure spending the $5 for the invite and postage is better than dealing with how so-and-so are upset with me or my parents that they didn’t get an invite, even if they can’t make it. At the same time, I’m having this nightmare that by chance, everyone will say “yes”.

I wish you luck and I hope everything works out!

Post # 14
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sit your FI down, shine a very bright light in his eyes and ask him to repeat (as many times as it takes to get the message over) the following simple statement:

“It’s really nice that you’d like to share our wedding day with us. I’m sorry we can’t invite you because we are already at capacity and THERE IS NO ROOM TO ACCOMMODATE FURTHER GUESTS”.

Then go and bang your own head against a wall! 

Commiserations though. I remain utterly astonished at the sheer brass neck of people who invite themselves to other people’s events. Have they no shame? Or even manners?

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