VENT- Wedding in a week FMIL not speaking to us

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2471 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Lbward6:  Well, I would try to make amends. Her feelings are likely just hurt that you didn’t ask her first ( understandably)

Mothers of the grooms sometimes tend to feel a little left out so it might be stemming from that.  I would just apologize and offer to have her do it. Her reaction is a bit dramatic but wedding tensions run high for everyone not just the bride and groom. If she doesnt come around just do your best to be nice that day and move on.

Post # 3
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

Just come to her and explain that you thought she would have a better time just enjoying the wedding and not having to stress about the reading.  She seems really melodramatic if this upset her that bad. Seems to be underlying issues.

Post # 4
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

Wedding’s ..make sane normally lovely people crazy don’t let this bring u down this special week she prob feels a little out of control and sensitive cause her baby boy is gettin married (does’nt matter if he’s 21or 51 lol).i would advise u to call her and clear the air be very polite but firm..and explain that u and your fi had no intention of hurtin anyones feelings and thought as the mother of the groom her day was already action packed.. and u guys didnt want to put extra on her ..but u would love her to do the reading if she wants if not then maybe she could read a poem about family or somthing instead…i advise u to clear the air now so it doesnt escalate u wanna have a stress free week and life with your new family hun..hope this made sense and have a beautiful wedding with your man ..

Post # 5
Member
2749 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

Lbward6:  Are your FILs still together?  Can FFIL speak to FMIL on your behalf?  If not, is there some third party (sister, brother, SFFIL) who can talk to FMIL on your behalf?  Your FI has it right trying to clear the air, but it sounds like FMIL doesn’t want to talk right now.  Getting help from someone else to approach it may help.  Not get in the middle, just get her to call FI back.  I would definatly explain it as “You have so many other things to worry about that day.  With a week out, we didn’t want to add something else to your plate or concern you about this.”

Post # 6
Member
1028 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Lbward6:  I’m sorry but is she two years old? That is so ridiculous and childish. I cannot stand when grown ass women throw tantrums over something so trivial. How does she not take into account that you guys are getting married and the stress that you’re under? But she managed to make it about her? She needs to have several seats. If you both wanted to ask his aunt, that’s what you wanted to do. I’m sure there wasnt any ill will towards her or trying to hurt her feelings. I get that this is hsi mother but she seriously needs to get a grip and GROW UP.

Post # 7
Member
988 posts
Busy bee

 

Lbward6:  I would never have thought to ask the MOG to do a reading. As common as it is for mothers of the B&G to get emotional during the ceremony, I would think the last thing she’d want to do is get up and do a reading in front of everyone and risk crying through the whole thing.

Post # 9
Member
41820 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yor FMIL is being ridiculous. The parents of the bride and groom are not normally involved in the ceremony. They are the honored guests, sitting in the front row, watching their children marry. If she has a son old enough to marry, she should have developed some manners by now. Having a tantrum about this is petty and childish.

Post # 11
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Send her a bouquet of flowers with a note.  Or go see her in person.

Post # 13
Member
6552 posts
Bee Keeper

Whose sister is this, FMIL’s or FFIL’s? There may be more to this particular  family dynamic than you were aware. While I’m not really into supplemental  readings, I agree that it’s rarely the parents who participate in them.  

Post # 15
Member
3630 posts
Sugar bee

Lbward6:  If there’s that much contention, and passive-agressive behavior, on the part of your FMIL, just skip the reading or have the officiant do it.

When my BIL married, each of the mothers read a bible reading. The mother of the bride read it exactly like any church member, that you hear on Sunday morning. My MIL (who’s always been a drama queen, but that’s a whole other story), read it as though she was auditioning for a Broadway play. It was so embarassing. Guests were giving each other the side-eye and smirking and we were trying hard to not react, too.  

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