(Closed) (Vent) What momma doesn’t know…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

good for you! at least this way you get the wedding of YOUR dreams and not hers!

your wedding will be perfect, because you won’t have made any compromises. you’ll have an amazing day Smile

Post # 4
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you planning your own wedding and not putting it on the back burnner is a great Idea! You are showing your mom you dont need her help or approval. An I am assuming money, to make your day great

Post # 5
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I can definitely see how your feelings are hurt. It sucks to feel like your wedding is “second” to your sisters.

But, I feel like you’re kinda setting yourself up for a fight here. Why not focus on your sisters wedding right now and then really focus on yours after? With your sisters wedding so close, I think it’s a bit unfair to expect much attention on yours until hers is over. And your mom has made it clear that she can only focus on one at a time. So you’ve intentionally left your mom out of planning. Does it feel good to hurt her feelings? You might seriously regret not waiting on a few details.

Have you told your mom how you feel? She might not realize how she’s coming across. 

 

Post # 6
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Share your ideas with us.   We are here and love to hear about it.  I’m sorry you aren’t getting the support and attentiveness you deserve.

Post # 9
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@cant.wait.to.be.mrs.d:  Is your mom doing that because she can’t mentally handle two weddings or because she treats your sister better? I know I get overwhelmed easily.

Post # 11
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Are there some smaller decisions or projects you could hold for her to do? I got married in November and it was all the odds and ends that my mom and I spent a lot of time doing together in the aug/sept/oct timeframe. Like assembling favors, assembling programs, final flower arrangement decisions.

If you know now that she would want to be included, why not save something for her to have input on?

Post # 13
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Good for you! I’m sure your day will be as close to perfect as they come.

Also, the hive is here for you 😀

Post # 14
Member
1994 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I don’t think that leaving her completely out of the big decisions was the best way to go about it, if you knew that she expected to be involved.  I also think its perfectly understandable that she’s too busy with your sister’s wedding to devote a crazy amount of time to a wedding that is 7mos. away.  

If there were things that you wanted to make decisions on right away, I feel like you should have at least gave her the option to be involved. Maybe say something like: “mom I’m going to look at a venues this weekend & I intend to make a decision this weekend.  You are welcome to come” or “mom I’m going to go dress shopping & I may make a decison today.  I would like you to be there”.  That way she could have made room in her schedule if being present for that aspect of the planning was that important to her, but if she didn’t it was her decision & she already knew the consequences.  

I guess I’m just saying maybe you should have been more upfront about going ahead with the planning, not done it in secret.  But that’s just my 2 cents. 

Post # 15
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve also done something similar. My mom has definitely been helping me, but there is always an event or something happening causing her to say, “we’ll work on it after x, y, and z.” family in town, holiday, baby, etc.

Post # 16
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Not too sure where people got the impression that you expect your mom to devote a crazy amount of time to your wedding, but okay…

I really feel for you.  Having your mom’s support is important during a time like this.  I would hate to have to hear, “Wait until your sister’s wedding is over” everytime I talked about mine.  There are many things you need to do more than seven months in advance.  Like booking venues, florists, photogs, caterers, etc.  So, it’s not like you were out of line for booking these things when you did.  If you would’ve waited until after May, you’d be up shit’s creek. 

Good for you for being proactive and not sitting around waiting for help.  When your sister’s wedding is over, have your mom help you with little things like addressing envelopes and such.

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