Post # 1
I’m so frustrated right now. I’m not using my usual name. I wouldn’t say that I’ve been desparate to get married. I got engaged last spring. Knowing that there would be another family wedding in the fall, I elected to wait to have my wedding. I set the date back in July. I couldn’t get my first choice date, but am ok with the date I ended up with. My sister, who is my MOH, is younger than I am. She, unlike me, has been DRD (desparate, really desparate). So, she finally meets a guy in Fall 2008. They’ve never lived in the same city. They got engaged last weekend and now want to plan their wedding for the day after mine. That’s fine, but I’ve already booked my rehersal dinner & my wedding events–paid deposits and all. Plus, our parents have offered funds to me, but the only thing I’ve accepted was the payment to the church. I don’t care if she gets married the day after I do, but when she starts cutting into my Friday and Saturday . . .. I mean, I told her she had a hair appointment for noon on my wedding day weeks ago (after she agreed she wanted her hair/makeup done–which I’m paying for) and she wanted to have a Saturday BRUNCH!
I guess I should add that dad wanted to discuss my “date” a couple weeks ago at dinner, but she and mom wouldn’t let him. I spoke to my dad earlier this week and he told me she wanted to get married the day after. Mom asked if my sister talked to me. I told her no. Anyway, FI and I booked our honeymoon today. We leave 3 days after our wedding and will be gone for 3 weeks. I think in some ways, my parents are more excited about her wedding plans than mine: I think they’re going to pay for most of hers and dad gets to invite whoever he wants. I limited his guest list. Of course, if she gets married the day after I do, I’m going to cut a bunch of my parents’ friends. FI might not have booked the trip if sister had asked us to be around for the following weekend.
I’ve just told her that I will not be expecting her to help me with anything.
You know, I’ve read all these posts by other Bees about family members and never in a million years thought this would happen to me. Especially since she knew why I waited until the spring.
Post # 3
Wow! I can’t believe she booked hers for the day after. That is horrible. i would be SSSOOO pissed. so sorry
Post # 4
omg i cant believe she did that, You have every right to be mad!
Post # 5
The day after?! How does she think she’ll have time for a rehearsal and everything else when she will be in/at your wedding the day before? She’s crazy!
Post # 6
Woah Nellie, that’s a bit unfair! I think a family talk is urgently needed. You and your FH need to talk to your family and explain why it’s hard for your sister to get married the day after you. Also doesn’t it take off the gloss off her special day a bit?
Post # 7
That is CRAZY!!! I would beat up my sister if she did that!!! And scold my parents for paying for her craziness!!!
Post # 8
It is not only unfair to you but also to your family. They are going to busy the few months leading up to your wedding and to have to pull double duty is hard on everyone. Also, what about the guests that will be invited to both weddings. Really unfair to ask them to attend showers/rehearsal dinners and weddings within the same time frame… and pay for gifts, hotel rooms clothing etc. etc.
I think you’re parents need to convince her to wait at least a month. Good Luck!
Post # 9
I am sorry you are having to go through this. IMHO, from what you have indicated here, she seems to be a very selfish person. I agree that you have every right to be upset.
Post # 10
WOW! I can’t believe this, why would your sister want to have her wedding the day after yours? Can you not have the weekend to yourself? I would be so mad if my sister tried to pull this! I’m sorry, but I think that is so inconsiderate! Especially since she knows you pushed your wedding back so you wouldn’t interfere with a family members wedding but she decides to choose the same weekend?!?! Who does stuff like this? I’m sorry to hear this…
Post # 11
@littlemissmoo–FI doesn’t have a problem with her getting married the day after. I techically don’t either. It’s just that I don’t want to have to make changes to what I’ve planned to accomodate her. I realize that’s pretty selfish, but I’ve had these plans for months. I figure I’m going to be stressed with my running around and don’t want to have to deal with her.
I think she’s using the “I don’t want relatives to travel twice” as her justification. I think it’s just a way for her to get around her desperation to get married. I told her years ago that I didn’t have a problem with her getting married before I did.
Post # 12
Wow that is messed up! Does she have a history of doing things like this?
Post # 13
It is not selfish of you AT ALL to not want to change your plans! ESPECIALLY if you’ve already made deposits and such!!
This is a situation where I believe you have every right to turn BRIDEZILLA
Post # 14
I would killl her!! the day after?!?!?! no way could that work! thats ur weekend
Post # 15
I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. I set my date way back in July and if my sister were to get engaged tonight I know she wouldn’t dare ask to get married anywhere near the date that I’m marrying Mr Moo. You’re parents are going to be partying with you and then go to see your sister get married the next day? Your friends and family are going to bring down two sets of gifts, and deal with two weddings in 1 weekend? I realise that hotels and businesses do this all the time but a wedding can be a hugely emotionally draining affair – both good and sad sometimes (which dad wants to say goodbye to his daughter and put her life in another man’s hands after all?) and having 2 weddings in a weekend just sounds way too much to me.
I still think a family talk is needed. You need to voice your opinion and let your family know how you feel. Maybe she wants to share in your wedding wonder and that’s why she chose the same weekend.
ETA : I just realised how very judgemental I sound above. I don’t mean to be. I’m just a bit appalled at the thought of someone’s sister getting married literally the day after! There’s desperate and then there’s DESPERATE you know what I mean?
Post # 16
WOW that is just insane!
What is she thinking? Why wouldn’t she want her own time also?
You are NOT being selfish by wanting to keep your appointments on the DAY of your wedding and your rehearsal dinner the day before!!!! I sometimes think brides are selfish wanting a month or a season etc. but you are allowed to want your wedding weekend!!!!!!!
Have you confronted her about it – what does she say? What are her reasons for wanting to get married the same weekend?