Post # 1
I got engaged last October and booked my wedding date in January 2010. We chose the end of June 2011 as our date and we’re well on our way. At the beginning of August 2010 my cousin got engaged. Originally she said she wanted to get married in 2012, then she said she’d get married August 2011, and now she just booked her wedding for a week after mine. I know I know, at least it’s after mine. But it still completely sucks! She’s basically choosing my out of town cousins and family (who were already planning on being in town for my wedding) over me and that’s super hurtful. Plus, now my fiance and I have to decide whether to postpone our honeymoon to be able to attend her wedding or just miss it entirely. Right now we’re both so hurt and angry we are avoiding seeing her family, but I don’t know if it’s just because it’s so fresh. I wish she could see how hurtful her choice, most specifically choosing a date and then saying to me, “you probably won’t be able to attend” has been to me.
Post # 3
That’s so frustrating! I don’t understand why someone would have to plan their wedding so close to yours, especially when guests would have to travel to attend either wedding. I think that she is probably hurting herself, since I’m guessing some people may have already made plans to go to your wedding.
Post # 4
Wait, how is she choosing your relatives over you? It’s HER wedding…and when you plan a wedding, do you not accept the fact that some of the people you would like to have with you probably won’t be able to attend? I think you need to take a deep breath and calm down. You get one day. She gets one day. She has the right to choose whatever date, for whatever reason–just as you did.
Post # 5
Can you talk to her about this; maybe she will change her date to later, since that was what she was originally planning. If she keeps the same date and you are not close to her, I wouldn’t change the honeymoon plans. Your plans were in place first, so you shouldn’t have to accommodate her.
Post # 6
I understand the vent, but I gotta say, I’m with Statutory Grapes. You’re entitlted to your feelings so vent away, but know that what you’re saying is unreasonable: “I choose this date AND a two week buffer period before and afterwards during which time no one I know is allowed to get married” ???
And the imposition of her getting married close to your date is an imposition to your Out of Town guests and relatives, who presumably have to travel to your wedding and then hers; I think it’s a stretch to say that she set that date knowing you couldn’t come. I couldn’t tell you when any of my friends went on their honeymoons and I was IN most of their weddings! If you already set up your honeymoon, then don’t go to her wedding; if you haven’t and you are close, go and then take your honeymoon later.
Post # 7
The reason I say she is choosing other relatives over me is because she is choosing to have it so close that the far relatives will be able to attend her wedding (even though some already had said they’d travel twice). Also, she did set the date knowing I couldn’t come because she sent me a text immediately after her meeting with the venue saying “we chose this date, only a week after yours, you probably won’t be able to come.” It just seems very hurtful.
So I’m mostly fine with the idea of her getting married close to my date in the sense that I know I get my ONE day, not a week or a month. But her way of going about all of this feels damaging to our relationship.
Post # 8
@doriable: I don’t think she was saying it to be hurtful. I think she was being considerate of the fact that you’ll be on your honeymoon and therefore won’t be able to come. Like I said before, it’s her day–she can pick whatever date she wants. =/
Post # 9
Grapes and I are on the same wavelength, I think b/c I read it the same way–I think she was telling you so that it DIDN’T seem like she overlooked you. There was probably some other reason why she chose the date she did.
Take some time to put it in perspective becuase there are a lot of other people and factors that she probably had to take into account when she decided on the date. Choosing a date for the sole reason that someone WON’T come is kind of insane–I mean, she’d really have to hate you to do that. If you care about this relationship, you might think about holding out the olive branch and offering to have her and hubby over for dinner after you get back from honeymoon–come on, you can rehash crazy wedding stories (there’s always a few) over your requisite incomplete china sets.