Post # 1
Can you provide me some insight on this??
I have a bridesmaid that I’ve been best friends with since high school. We had a falling out in college- and then reconnected. She mistreated her ex who was one of my friends- and I told her honestly that it was wrong… thus causing the fall out between us. Anyways we reconnected, and now I’ve just been feeling more and more distant from her. Ever since she’s gotten pregnant, she’s dissapeared- not answering or returning phone calls.. I asked her if she would be able to help with my bridal shower in January- to which she responded that she would be 3 months out post baby and probably wouldnt be able to come. I just thought it was rude, since I understand that people who are pregnant can get busy, but my sister-in-law who has a 2 month year old and 2 year old can still respond to my txts/calls and wants to host the bridal shower.
– Its hurtful since she was a bridezilla for her wedding, had a TON of pre-wedding stuff- I went to all of it! Made sure I moved around my work days to attend all of it.
– I set a deadline for the girls to get sized and the dresses ordered. She ended up ordering the wrong size and we had a huge argument over it. She didn’t bother to get measured and just ordered her regular street size post baby. It was ridiculous, I didnt understand.. I found the girls dresses- discounted and just asked them to do one thing.. and she couldnt even do that. How long does it take to get measured??
– She’s having a baby shower this weekend out of town. I was planning to attend, until she posted on FB this morning. I”m so excited for ___ (name), ____ (name) to attend my baby shower and basically didn’t even mention me. I know its childish, but its kind of a slap in the face, considering I’m one of her best friends.
Most importantly, my dad had been dealing with cancer….. his 6 month scans came in completely clear!! Woo hoo! She hasnt even bothered to ask about him, when she clearly knew what was going on.
My fiance is pissed at how this girl is treating me and is asking me why I am willing to drive up 2 hours to go a girls baby shower when she can’t do anything even just as a friend for you?? I kind of agreed.
So I told her I’m not going to her baby shower.. and I anticipate this is going to cause some sort of rift between us. I plan on talking to her about our friendship after my anger has subsided a bit.
I’m just tired of the one-sided friendships! 🙁
Post # 3
I would suggest to just take her off your wedding. I understand that pregnancy can take you away from people, without even wanting, but if she cannot commint with you, she should just be open and honest and let you know. You dont want to look back at your wedding pictures and see her there when you are not friends anymore, you know. GL lady!!
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2014 - Waldorf Astoria, Chicago
Yea, one sided friendships are the worst. I’ve started to weed people like that out of my life! Unfortunetly for you she’s in your wedding so you can’t do that.
I would be the bigger person and still go to her baby shower. After the shower (not immediately after the shower) but after a day or two, sit down with her and let her know how you feel. Maybe she doesn’t realize she is leaving you out…or making you feel like she doesn’t care. Good Luck, and sorry you are dealing with that 🙁
Post # 5
@flowingoan: I am sorry she is being so cold.
I am normally against dropping people out of the WP but this is a bad situation and you don’t want to look back on your pictures and see her. So I would suggest dumping her in the nicest way possible
Post # 6
I’m not going to cut her out of the wedding.. because I just dont believe I can be that type of person. I’ve asked all of these girls to be my bridesmaids for a reason. BTW- I asked every single of the girls to be my bridesmaid by sending them cookies from their local bakery. Do you know how hard and expensive it is to find bakeries to deliver in Austin, Canada and Philadelphia??! and 7 girls at that!
I already sent her a txt saying I’m not going. My fiance refuses to drive me and he’s more angry to see me hurt over this so unfortunately- there’s nothing I can do about the shower at this point.
Post # 7
Hold the phone. You decided to not go to her baby shower because she didn’t tag you in a fbook post? Isn’t that a little petty? It sounds like shes really overwhelmed by the pregnancy (guessing it’s her first?) and she just doesn’t really know she has ahead of her. I think it was fine of her to say she might not be able to go to the shower, she doesnt’ yet know what having a baby will be like. I think you are honestly a little out of line for reacting like this. So she ordered the wrong size, big whoops! She’s probably a little nervous about her weight and size and self concious about it.
If you want to be a good supportive friend, let this all go, and be there for her and hope she’ll do the same for you.
Post # 9
@JrzyGurl: I just dont know if I want to be a supportive friend for her. She hasn’t really been there for me when I needed it and I’m tired of being the one thats always reaching out to her to catch up. The FB post might have been petty, but I’m hurt by it. She sounds like she doesnt give 2 shits that I’m driving 2 hours to be there for her.. and I planned to talk to her about the issues before going up there and realized it was a bad idea to start up a fight the week before her baby shower. That post just put me over the edge.
Post # 10
@flowingoan: After all you’ve said, and mistreating her ex, I believe she does that with all the people she’s with, including friends, isn’t she ? It’s the kind of person who believes the world revolves around them, they want to be center of attention and don’t even bother to even *pretend* they care. I had a ”friend” like this once. And it was pretty much like you explained : I worked my a** off to help her and be with her whenever I could, but when happy events happened to me, she was nowhere to be found. Even on Facebook, when it’s just easy to ”like” a status when I’ve got good news I’ve been waiting for months, she, my ”best” friend at the time, NEVER mentioned it, not even online, not even in real life. It was just like nothing happened.
So, basically, I decided to end the relationship when I realized how egoist she was, and I don’t miss her at all !
Post # 11
@NauticalDisaster: Yeah it just sucks realizing that, you know? I dont understand why she’s being so cold or distant towards me.. I’ve made up so many excuses for her when my fiance told me to take a long hard look at our friendship. The world does revolve around her.. it did when she was getting married, building a huge mansion, and now pregnant. Sigh…
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2014 - Waldorf Astoria, Chicago
Does she live 2 hours away from you? That could be another reason why she doesn’t want to help plan the bridal shower, having a new baby and having to drive 2 hours to help plan a party would be stressful for a new mom. Not attending your Bridal Shower is not acceptable, but I don’t think you should be too hard on her for asking your other BM to help plan the shower.
Post # 13
It seems one sided. And, if she isn’t coming to your bridal shower, I certainly wouldn’t go to her baby shower. I would ask her to come to the wedding as a guest, since being a BM is clearly too much for her right now. It doesn’t mean that the friendship has to end, just that she should come without any responsibilities.
Post # 14
We hashed it out today, but I wasn’t happy with some of her answers =/ but we ended up on somewhat of a good note. She stopped talking to me 2 months ago because she said I was talking about the wedding too much and wasn’t making it about her and her pregnancy. I got upset not bc of what she said, but bc she just dropped me! I asked her- why she didn’t think it was okay to tell me this.. she said she just didnt want to get into a big fight.
I brought up several times- that our friendship is one sided- and her response to that was that she was “busy”. She has no time to herself, thus she doesnt even have time for her friends in her city.
Sorry bees, but I think thats BS. I work full time, am in grad school, and I’m planning an interfaith marriage with a rehearsal dinner/mehndi, two ceremonies and a reception. And I still make time for my friends regardless.
At the end of the conversation, we pretty much resolved things- I’m going to the baby shower.. and she’ll be in my wedding. I just feel like I’m just not going to try so hard with her after the wedding 🙁 Its just not worth it to keep friends like that.
Post # 15
Good for you. You called her out about the way she has been treating you, so now she knows that you’ve noticed. If you can get through the upcoming events, then I think you are right to re-evaluate the friendship. I am a little stunned that she actually said you talked about the wedding too much and not her. That seems a little self centered to me. Everyone should get to have their day and everything that comes with it. I’m sure she had hers. Like I said, good for you to get it off your chest.