Post # 1
I’ve read a lot of posts on here from those in similiar situations, but am finding a need to write and vent myself. Fingers crossed that it helps!
So my BF and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary 2 weeks ago. I was fully expecting a proposal – since we have talked about marriage openly, where/how, etc. Well, instead of a proposal, he got us a trip to Hawaii. While it was a great gift, I couldn’t act happy. After an hour or so, he asked me what was wrong. I meekly said that I was expecting something else and teared up. He had no clue! He teared up himself and said he didn’t want to disappoint me and that it (the proposal) was coming soon. He also said that the trip was for our wedding (we had planned on eloping to Hawaii). I told him I didn’t want to make him feel bad (he got all quiet and rubbing his face, etc.) and that I didn’t want to make it less special.
Side note – how does it make sense to book the wedding trip before a surprise proposal? I understand if the proposal/wedding is being planned together and openly, but this makes no sense to me.
I feel like I ruined the proposal. And I feel stupid for getting upset. And I feel embarrased that I’m not engaged after co-workers/friends were expecting it. And have been expecting it for the past year. (And I really think my embarassment is heightened by the INCESSANT comments about why aren’t you engaged, guessing of when it will come and the statements that if you aren’t engaged at 2 years, you won’t get married, even if you get the ring). And I think I’m also upset because I can’t undestand why he didn’t use our 2 year anniversary as an opportunity for a propsoal – we are stupid silly and celebrate the date every month! Why wouldn’t he want to solidify that date? And he has the financial funds – so it’s not money related. Urgh!
My concern is how to let it go. How do I shake this feeling? We live together (less than a year now) and I don’t want to go home because I don’t know how not to act weird! And I know acting weird will cause more discussion causing him to feel worse and making any future proposal less special.
And we have multiple weddings to go to which is also going to be hard to take. Especially since his friends who are so talented at the marriage jokes will be there. (I’m having a huge struggle with the debate of even going – knowing full well the bad etiquette, etc. that not going would be).
Thank you for letting me vent. I still don’t want to go home after work though 😉
Post # 3
Whereabouts in Florida are you from? I’m a Florida waiting bee, too. It’s hard, and I’m in the exact same situation- except my anniversary is this week and we are celebrating this weekend. My boyfriend has been saving for a ring for quite some time now and recently got a significant raise which should have quelled any financial issues… I simply crave the proposal every day. His mother called me yesterday and talked for an hour about his sister’s upcoming wedding- she got engaged last week, which is why I won’t be getting engaged this weekend. It may sound silly, but it’s his only sister and they have a small family… I just know he isn’t going to steal the spotlight right after her engagement. So it’s the two-year mark. We’ve lived together almost the entire time we’ve been dating, and have a house and two dogs together. I love our life. Originally, all I wanted was to get married, but the more the waiting feeling sunk in, the more I began to care about a wedding and now I know many of the details that I would like to include. He has planned two other proposals, both of which fell through (but originally, he was going to get me a different, not-as-flashy ring, so I don’t mind the wait as much). But I know the feeling. I know how hard it is to hear all of the comments from other people who ask at every holiday if this is going to be it… and I get my hopes up… and nope!!! Not it! So stop asking because you’re drivin me nuts 🙂 I really wish he wanted to elope. I know what my wedding budget is… my sister had 200 people at her wedding on the same budget and it was still nice… I only want about 30 at ours but if we were able to elope, we could go on a wonderful, long trip… SO has never been to Europe and I’d love to show him around! But with a small wedding party, we could have a destination wedding of some sort, which is what I would love.
Post # 4
It makes sense to book a trip before a surprsie proposal because you said you talked about it (eloping to Hawaii) and he knows you want to marry him.
Now in his mind, he completely ruined your anniversary because you were not happy with your present. I have been through the “I feel like I never do anything right” stage with my SO and it is not fun. Please try to appreciate that he did make a very nice gesture for you.
Post # 5
It sounds like you guys are pretty much informally engaged, even if the actual question of “will you marry me?” complete with ring hasn’t been asked. You’ve decided you’re getting amrried, and he’s even booked a trip to your dream location to do it, so you are actually in a good place right now. I’d make sure to let him know how much you appreciate that, and tell him you’re sorry you got super girly on him about it – that you’d figured the cart would go before the horse, and not the other way around, but, hey, the cart and horse are there, and that’s what’s important! Heck, even if you ahve other weddings to go to, you know about when you’d be getting married, so even wihtout a ring on your hand, you can answer vaguely to shut them up with a “We’re planing to in about XX amount of months/years”. That’s a way better place to be than some of us who have BFs who can’t even come out and say, “Yes, I plan on marrying you, but need time to save/whatever,” which leavees you full of uncertanty. You ahve something to look forward to, and you know it. 🙂
You’ve got a good guy who is trying to make this happen. Trust him and let him know he’s doing well (guys get hurt when they think they’ve messed up).
Post # 6
First, don’t feel bad that you possibly ruined a proposal you didn’t know was coming. I agree he is being confusing in how he goes about it.
Next, you absolutely must learn not to take comments from others personally (or learn to say things that will cut them off) or you will go 120% bonkers. I say this with absolute love from the 3 year vantage point – you can’t survive otherwise. It’s completely fair to open conversations on marriage based on you, but unfair to start off a conversation by saying “so-and-so was wondering” (proper ettiquette after all, I’m sure would never let the person ask anything personal in the first place). So I know it’s hard, but try not be embarrassed or phazed by comments. Along with that – tell your SO *he* needs to rein his friends in and tell them it’s not cool.
And finally – go home! And get a hug from him. I’m sure the fear is worse than it’ll actually be, you’ve built it up in his mind. I bet he’s miserable at upsetting you now. Mine always feels so bad when that happens. You don’t even have to talk about it – just tell him that you would prefer not to hash it out.