- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
I know this is a childish vent but I have to do it, I have been holding it back for some time.
I was pressured by my mother’s side of the family to get married before my husband left to training (various reasons), whenever I would talk of wedding ideas it was shot down with guilt by them so I just decided to go ahead and my husband and I were married in a small courthouse ceremony, with the understanding that later on we would have a second wedding we always wanted. I saved the color white for that special day, saved inviting a lot of people because I knew soon I would be planning the more elaborate event and this was small. My mother’s side agreed with this and with happiness that I was marrying my best friend but relunctance that I was not getting that wedding day I dreamed of, we went ahead.
The morning of the wedding was a pretty day, yet all I wanted was my mom to be there to help me get ready but…despite the fact that she lives THREE hours away, she, my grandmother, grandfather,stepdad and sister couldn’t get themselves organized to leave on time and therefore left one hour before the wedding. I didn’t get my mom to be there.
When she did arrive, the whole time my grandmother was posing us in pictures…a couple are fine but this was half an hour of this crap and the whole time my grandfather kept asking us when the wedding is. Well…guess what GET YOUR WIFE TO STOP TAKING PICTURES SO WE CAN LEAVE AND FIND OUT. It was bad enough that I had to move the wedding an hour so THEY CAN BE THERE but whatever. I don’t know maybe NOT LEAVING AN HOUR BEFORE THE WEDDING WHEN YOU LIVE THAT FAR AWAY WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA MAYBE IF YOU HAD ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS AND FORESIGHT WE WOULD NOT BE HAVING A LATER WEDDING AND STOP TAKING PICTURES OF US!!!!! My fiance was getting annoyed at him but choked it back and I kept thinking “It’s ok, at least they are here.”
My MIL wonderfully planned a small barbecue, she worked really hard and brought some lovely flowers to decorate the backyard because to her it was a day to celebrate and relax. My fiance was excited for it but because my mother hadn’t the foresight to arrange babysitting for my younger brother and someone to pick up cookies at her house for my brother’s homecoming dance (he didn’t go) my mother and everyone who went with her, didn’t go. Now, I live too far away to go to my brother’s games and I work almost every day so maybe I deserved it for all the times I wasn’t there for those events so I swallowed my anger and just let it sit. She felt awful and cried…and secretly in the smallest bit of me, I was glad she did, I feel like a monster for even admitting it out loud. I mean, why should she leave happy when she failed to be there on time or think I was important enough that she could arrange for one of her friends to pick up ccokies at the house. She does so much for everyone else, I never asked her for a thing since I left the house at 15 but could she have at least went to the barbecue for 20 minutes. My fiance asked her to go but my grandfather interrupted with “No we are pressed for time.” and that was it.
So, my father got some of his relatives who knew about the wedding and they came to the barbecue and despite my sadness of not having my mom there…we had a good time. The second wedding was in full swing.
Now, I thought my mom would want to be part of those plans. No one is paying for anything, my fiance and I are handling it. But…no. She just shrugs and is indifferent. “Why are you having it?” and I answer back with ” You knew I was having it before the first wedding. There are many reasons (not enough time to get a wedding together, husband leaving soon, etc) she wanted me to have a small wedding in my fiance’s backyard for the first one but we just didn’t have enough time. When she first heard I was getting married, she was happy with the plans but it all came down to pressure to get married before my husband had to leave for the Army. I thought with the pressure of getting married off us…my fiance and I can plan with our families. Mom and grandmother don’t care. My grandmother said the first wedding was so nice that why have a second one. News flash: IT WAS NOT.
The only real comfort I have in this is that I found out from my great-grandmother that she and my grandpa did the same thing! My great-grandfather had to leave to the Army in the 40s..they had a small wedding and when he came back they had a grander one. I am not alone! I am not selfish for having the 2nd wedding! They did the same thing!
It is strange but my dad is excited for this wedding and so is everyone else, I mean I don’t want to bother them with so many details but they are happy about it. Why can’t my mother and grandmother muster up something when they are the reason I am pissed?