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Ugh - that sucks. I don't really know what to say, because having my own babies is a major deal breaker to me. I am grumpy enough that FH wants to wait a couple months after the wedding to TTC, when all along we have agreed on starting to TTC right away, so I can't imagine how unhappy you are.
I;m so sorry!!! I think you need to have a conversation with him about this, and talk about how you are feeling. Although you say you wouldnt leave him to have a baby, you don't want this to be an issue in your relationship later, or something that you begin to resent over time. Have a conversation, talk about his reasoning and see if you can find a resolution together :) good luck!!!
awww sorry you are going thru this...
Me or my FI dont have any kids but i know i would be like you... want some of my OWN... i mean you obviously love his kids but nothing is like having "YOUR OWN" aww I hope he comes around and realizes that it does mean alot to you..
Wow, this is a biggie. All I can say is trust your gut and hope for the best. Maybe therapy would help, but it isn't like your relationship is unhealthy. I think if you really want kids and he doesn't, that could later cause your relationship to be unhealthy. I don't know what sort of other advice to tell you. Fiance and I agree for the most part that we both want kids, I used to be a staunch NO and then I changed my mind...it can happen where you or him could change your mind.
I know how easy it is to say things that you don't mean because you're upset in the heat of the moment, but my concern is this: You told him that he has a little over 3 months to "figure out what he wants" (which, if I were he, would lead me to think that you were going to leave me based on my answer about futuristic children) BUT you are telling us here on WB that you would NOT leave him just because he doesn't want anymore kids, and you are satisfied with the relationship you have with his children. I'm thinking he probably got the sad look on his face because he is truly afraid you ARE going to leave him if he seriously doesn't want any more kids! I know you are frustrated, and this is something new, based on the fact that you initially thought that the 2 of you would have kids in the future, and now he is sounding like he doesn't want them. Trust me, I COMPLETELY understand why you are upset BUT if you truly do mean what you say, that you will not leave him, I think you really need to let him know that because he is probably worried about the relationship at this point!
I think it is great that you have such a good relationship with his kids. I'm sure he is so thankful to have you in his life and for being a good parent to his children. That shows you are a great partner and fully accepting of him. If the possibility of never having your own biological children really bothers you, I seriously think you should have a major talk with him about it. This could end up being a much bigger problem down the road, so it sounds like you need to be the one to make the decision sometime within the next 3 mos ;) Good luck and I wish ya the best!!
ha ha i'm in a kindda funny-ish situation at the moment.... i need to get the morning after pill.... i think D'oh!
Last week... i think it was earlish in the week that i realised i forgot to take my pill the night before (this being in the morning when i woke up) so i took the pill i missed and then that evening continued taking my pills as normal.... so i've heard that if that happens (i'm not sure if its the same if you forget and take it less then 12hrs later) that you shouldn't have unprotected sex for 7days... so umm monday afternoon... umm yeah... *sigh* so i'm thinking maybe i need to... i told FI and he doesn't seem worried about it like i am... i said to him last night "i've got to get the morning after pill somehow" and he was like ho-hum about the issue and saying "i'm sure your fine.. i'm sure you dont need to get it" and i was like "YOUR the one who doesn't want kids yet your the one not worried about this" LOL
drama drama lol
@okqueenbee - i just burst into tears after reading your post... i did not think about that and i'm truly upset now thinking that he maybe really upset about what i said... i didn't think about it like that. I dont like the thought of my parner being upset over something i have said. :(
I think i will sit down and talk with him tonight... i dont want him thinking that! <3
Awww!! Don't cry!! It will be ok! I'm glad I could give you a different way of looking at things, but I didn't mean to upset you :( Sometimes when I get upset at my hubby, and we argue, I say stupid things that I don't mean, and then I have to go back and apologize later (& so does he). The most important thing is to just communicate in a straighforward way, so you are BOTH able to see clearly what is going on, and any issues that may come up in the future. It sounds like you both really love each other, and I'm sure it will all work out.
A few months before our wedding DH said he was rethinking whether he wanted kids or not. It really threw me, he'd always been on the fence about it but knew it was important to me and we'd talked about TTC a year after the wedding. I think though it was just the idea of so many transitions at once...we decided to leave TTC until later (which was something I'd been thinking to myself as well) and after that he seemed better. If you are sure you want to be with him regardless of whether or not you will have children (I actually wasn't sure of this myself...everyone is different and has different deal breakers) then leave the baby talk until after the wedding maybe, so he only has to deal with one big thing at a time :) Good luck!
@mountain.bride - thanks... yeah maybe i should talk with him tonight just to let him know that i'll be with him no matter what he wants to do and then just leave it until WAY after the wedding
I want to be with him forever... I don't want something like this to break us up... i love him to much to go in search of someone else who wants babies LOL
thanks for talking to me... i'll let you know how our talk goes tonight
I would have a SERIOUS talk with him...you say that you would be with him forever now, but I know of a friend of my families who got divorced recently after 10 years because the husband didn't want to have kids. The wife thought it was just a fleeting thought, didn't really put too much weight into it, and after 10 years she realized that he really did not want them. she didn't realize how much she wanted kids over her being with him, and they divorced.
I spoke with him and told him that i love him so much that i would be with him no matter what... and that he doesn't need to make up his mind until whenever. :)
I am happy with his kids.... and i guess i'm still not 100% sure i want to have children myself... i mean sometimes i'll think "oh it would be so wonderful to have my own" but then i'll think "oh... maybe it wouldn't be so much 'fun'.... not much freedom as i have now".... so yeah whatever he decides i'll be happy :)
I wont leave him if he doesn't want kids <3
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ok... so i may have already spoken about this before.... but it came up again last night and i'm a little down at the moment... i think, my confussed...mislead? i dont know what the right word is,
ok so i was showing Craig last night that we could have the kids involved with the sadn ceremony thing (his kids by the way.. not mine but i love them like they are mine and they dont live with us and we both miss them so much when they are not here... Little miss is 15 this year and Little Mr will be 10 this year)
Anyway... kindda outta the blue (as in we weren't talking about having kids or whatever) he goes "i don't think i want kids"... this has come up before and he changed his mind once he found out that i'm not ready RIGHT NOW... i'm thinking like 2-3yrs... maybe more before i want to actually have my own. anyway i was a little shocked by this because since the last time this was brought up we've talked about names and i've mentioned how our babies would be the cutest babies lol.... so being shocked after him saying that i said "well you have just over 3 months to figure out what you want...." i think he was a bit shocked by my saying that because the look on his face was complete sadness.
I guess i can see where he is coming from... he has already gone through having kids... he's gone through the whole baby thing *sad face* and i guess he's at that age where its kindda been there done that... but... i'm not going to lie, having kids of my own would be the most wonderful thing ever... but but but there is no way that i would EVER give up what we have to go find someone else who will have babies with me... to me that is crazy. i kindda see his kids as mine, they love me, they show me full effection like i did with my mum... like hugs and kisses and i loves you's before bed.... so i guess i don't feel like i would be completely missing out but.... it still is upsetting a little.
i'm not sure what i'm wanting from posting here but i just needed to vent and you bee are always so supportive and kind.
has anyone else gone through something like this?
I dont know 100% why i'm upset cuz like i said above i wouldn't leave him to find someone who will have babies and i wouldn't feel like i'm completely missing out.