(Closed) Venting…. baby issue — ~~LONG~~

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 4
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ugh – that sucks. I don’t really know what to say, because having my own babies is a major deal breaker to me. I am grumpy enough that FH wants to wait a couple months after the wedding to TTC, when all along we have agreed on starting to TTC right away, so I can’t imagine how unhappy you are.

Post # 5
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I;m so sorry!!! I think you need to have a conversation with him about this, and talk about how you are feeling.  Although you say you wouldnt leave him to have a baby, you don’t want this to be an issue in your relationship later, or something that you begin to resent over time.  Have a conversation, talk about his reasoning and see if you can find a resolution together 🙂 good luck!!!

Post # 6
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

awww sorry you are going thru this…

Me or my FI dont have any kids but i know i would be like you… want some of my OWN… i mean you obviously love his kids but nothing is like having “YOUR OWN” aww I hope he comes around and realizes that it does mean alot to you..

Post # 7
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, this is a biggie.  All I can say is trust your gut and hope for the best.  Maybe therapy would help, but it isn’t like your relationship is unhealthy.  I think if you really want kids and he doesn’t, that could later cause your relationship to be unhealthy.  I don’t know what sort of other advice to tell you.  Fiance and I agree for the most part that we both want kids, I used to be a staunch NO and then I changed my mind…it can happen where you or him could change your mind.

Post # 8
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I know how easy it is to say things that you don’t mean because you’re upset in the heat of the moment, but my concern is this: You told him that he has a little over 3 months to “figure out what he wants” (which, if I were he, would lead me to think that you were going to leave me based on my answer about futuristic children) BUT you are telling us here on WB that you would NOT leave him just because he doesn’t want anymore kids, and you are satisfied with the relationship you have with his children. I’m thinking he probably got the sad look on his face because he is truly afraid you ARE going to leave him if he seriously doesn’t want any more kids! I know you are frustrated, and this is something new, based on the fact that you initially thought that the 2 of you would have kids in the future, and now he is sounding like he doesn’t want them. Trust me, I COMPLETELY understand why you are upset BUT if you truly do mean what you say, that you will not leave him, I think you really need to let him know that because he is probably worried about the relationship at this point! 

I think it is great that you have such a good relationship with his kids. I’m sure he is so thankful to have you in his life and for being a good parent to his children. That shows you are a great partner and fully accepting of him. If the possibility of never having your own biological children really bothers you, I seriously think you should have a major talk with him about it. This could end up being a much bigger problem down the road, so it sounds like you need to be the one to make the decision sometime within the next 3 mos 😉 Good luck and I wish ya the best!!

 

 

Post # 11
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Awww!! Don’t cry!! It will be ok! I’m glad I could give you a different way of looking at things, but I didn’t mean to upset you 🙁 Sometimes when I get upset at my hubby, and we argue, I say stupid things that I don’t mean, and then I have to go back and apologize later (& so does he). The most important thing is to just communicate in a straighforward way, so you are BOTH able to see clearly what is going on, and any issues that may come up in the future. It sounds like you both really love each other, and I’m sure it will all work out.

Post # 12
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

A few months before our wedding DH said he was rethinking whether he wanted kids or not. It really threw me, he’d always been on the fence about it but knew it was important to me and we’d talked about TTC a year after the wedding. I think though it was just the idea of so many transitions at once…we decided to leave TTC until later (which was something I’d been thinking to myself as well) and after that he seemed better. If you are sure you want to be with him regardless of whether or not you will have children (I actually wasn’t sure of this myself…everyone is different and has different deal breakers) then leave the baby talk until after the wedding maybe, so he only has to deal with one big thing at a time 🙂 Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would have a SERIOUS talk with him…you say that you would be with him forever now, but I know of a friend of my families who got divorced recently after 10 years because the husband didn’t want to have kids.  The wife thought it was just a fleeting thought, didn’t really put too much weight into it, and after 10 years she realized that he really did not want them.  she didn’t realize how much she wanted kids over her being with him, and they divorced. 

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